Friday, February 29, 2008

High-Five Fridays #7

1) A high-five to Mute Mondays, because I'd forgotten how fun they can be.

2) Humor-Blogs has funnier people and posts than we do. Or so I am told. (What do I care about 'funny' when I can be 'snarky' and 'interesting, even, occasionally, 'clever' and 'witty'.)

3) Brocante gets a general high-five for general goodness.

The next two each get a general high-five for, um, general badness -- but in the most delicious of ways!

4) Stinky Lulu, for the mocking of and marveling at movie madness, including a special focus on supporting actresses. Via Silent Porn Star * (The *, I remind you, is for 'possible nudity' -- which with 'porn' in the name, you should already know; but there, I've warned you.)

5) No Smoking in the Skull Cave has appeared at KKC before, but it's chock full of vintage pop culture vitamins -- which surprisingly, get more potent with age -- and worthy of another celebratory slap.

Want to give high-fives too? Participation is a lot like Thursday Thirteen, only your post is links to who and what you like. (Plus, it's only 5 instead of 13!)

Find out how to give your High-Five Fridays here!

The purpose of this meme is to give high-fives to 5 people, posts, blogs and/or websites you've admired during the week. I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 5 high-fives on Friday. Trackbacks, pings, linky widgets, comment links accepted!

Visiting fellow High-Fivers is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your High-Fives in others comments (please note if NWS).



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Thursday, February 28, 2008

Rockefeller Center and the Empire State Building: Architecture To Sneeze At

According to this vintage hanky, anyway.



Via Cemetarian.

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Fun With 13 Images From a Dutch Household Encyclopedia




Having Fun With 13 Images From a Dutch Household Encyclopedia

Found at Flickr, without any text or descriptive info, we might as well enjoy them by adding our own meanings...

1) Hey, look at you! You're really growing-up and the talk of the town. It's time to start looking for a mate or before you know it you'll be one of those old maids!



2) Beauty begins now. Best start preparing your own rituals of lotions & potions to preserve in wax what you can of your youth.



3) You might need some guidance and help with determining your own beauty needs. Then, as now, the rule remains: All the best hairdressers are gay.



4) How does she stay so fair?


Hats with brims rounder & wider than her derriere.

5) Remember, hats must match the purse.



6) Maintaining your figure is important. "Wide" is not lovely, but protrusion is.


An improbably large and pointy bosom a-top a whisper of waist is as important as a bodonkadonk bottom.

7) Remember, men appreciate require a woman who is obedient. Think back to your poodle and practice prancing to please your own master!


Remember, you'll need to learn his personal preferences so that when he says, "Jump!" you'll know just how high.

8) Advice on selecting a mate continues.


Should you suffer from large, wide, puffy hips, try to find a mate with an enormous head. While walking side-by-side, your hips will seem more naturally sized in the shadow of his out of proportion head.


9) We've all heard the sordid tales of babies who do not look like their daddies... But sometimes babies will not look like their mommies. Don't ask; just let it pass.



10) Any frustration you have can be released by shopping. Let the distraction of matching accessories -- and his department store bill -- be your consolation.



11) A word on dads and childrearing... Dads do not rear their children.


It is so unlikely that even the artist drew a question mark by the little girl's potty.

12) Should you ever see such things, rest assured they are hallucinations -- and seek medical attention. Your doctor will know what to do and prescribe just the right pills for your ills.



13) Should it all ever become too much for you, slip your pills into his dinner -- just be sure not to give little Johnny the same Special Daddy Dish!




Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!



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Monday, February 25, 2008

Weird But Good

Today's Mute Monday is Weird But Good. If ever there was a theme for this blog, huh? *wink*


Weird Science with Muppets via.


Weird Al & Storm Troopers via.


Weird medical marketing piece via.

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Modern Woman Monday: Accessories

Accessories are important to the modern woman. Shoes & a matching purse, gloves...


And a spare head.

Just in case modern life should cause you to lose yours.

From the As She Was Flickr Group.

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Sunday, February 24, 2008

The Girl Most Likely To...



She is most likely to:
a) Let the boys go all the way.

b) Spend a year visiting an 'aunt' -- she'll return a little chunky, a little blue, but she'll have nothing much to say about her visit.

c) Be on uppers.

d) Be on downers.

e) All of the above.

Grading will not be on a curve. Extra credit will be given in Get Out! Awards.

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In Lieu Of Cards, Send Art



Why send a card, when you could send art? Why send it as a paper gift, when they are suitable for framing?



By Jellygnite at Etsy.

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Illinois On A Stick



Illinois On A Stick, just one of the many states on sticks available by Erick Maldre -- and if you don't see the state you'd like on a stick, he does custom work.

I'd say he would sell cart-loads of this work at Lambeau Field -- better yet, if it was edible.

You can find more of his conceptual, original postmodern art at Etsy. And check out his blog, Etsy Art.

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Saturday, February 23, 2008

The Non-Stealth

See the poster above? It appears to advertise the Northrop/Loral F-19 Specter, a stealthy plane designed in the 70s and produced in the 80s, much like the F-117 fighter. Was it so secret that you haven't heard of it?

No, but if you put together model airplanes, you may have heard of it:

Yup, that's it -- my favorite model of my youth. I had been given one when I was probably around 11 or 12. I grew up, moved on, but after my divorce I needed a hobby...so I started building model airplanes again. I was about as good at it as I was when I was young, but it kept me out of trouble.

One day, I went to the old, somewhat shoddy hobby shop in town. On a shelf I found a very dusty box -- that faux stealth fighter of my youth. I bought it, brought it home, and put it together. Want to see it? It's standing in for the real thing in these pictures. Don't trust anything you read on the internet -- it might just be produced by the fevered mind of an obsessed hobbyist. (more on the subject at CQ)

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Dogs a La...

Hot pads!



Wouldn't want to burn the pooches with hot pots, but they are cute!

(And there's a cat there too.)

From a 1944 Star Potholders Book.

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Pink Elephant Hang-Over


From Spuzz Light Year at LJ's vintage Magic in Frosting book, found via Planet Fabulon.

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Chantilly Lace

And a squirt in the face.


Chantilly Lace, by The Big Bopper
Chantilly lace and a pretty face
And a pony tail a hangin down
That wiggle in the walk
And giggle in the talk
Makes the world go round
There ain't nothin in the world
Like a big eyed girl
That makes me act so funny
Make me spend my money
Make me feel real loose like a long necked goose
Like a girl, oh baby that's what I like
My mom used to sing this song -- everywhere. My kids even know it now. Hence my darn-near-hatred of the Chantilly fragrance.

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Friday, February 22, 2008

Craft-Scan Friday: Binding Your Workbaskets

Perhaps this is why vintage Workbasket issues are so difficult to find -- they've all been sewn together.



Vintage magazine binding advice which will work for modern mags too -- should you wish to make future collectors weep.

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High-Five Fridays #6

1) A high-five for Rian for having the patience of a saint school teacher during my interview with him.

2) Believe in UFOs? Maybe you should. Unidentified Family Objects is a cool blog -- and who knows, maybe your family's objects are there?

3) Now there's a Wiki for Vintage Sewing Patterns. A serious way to kill at least 24 hours. (Found via Tad Too Much tan For Taupe's TT post.)

4) Scott McLemee's Quick Study, a blog on books, ideas and trash-culture ephemera. (Gotta wonder why he's not been here before -- perhaps because he considers himself a 'feuilletonist' rather than a blogger.)

5) Spare Mindy's Easy-Make Oven is super cute -- and clever!

Want to give high-fives too? Participation is a lot like Thursday Thirteen, only your post is links to who and what you like. (Plus, it's only 5 instead of 13!)

Find out how to give your High-Five Fridays here!

The purpose of this meme is to give high-fives to 5 people, posts, blogs and/or websites you've admired during the week. I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 5 high-fives on Friday. Trackbacks, pings, linky widgets, comment links accepted!

Visiting fellow High-Fivers is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your High-Fives in others comments (please note if NWS).



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Thursday, February 21, 2008

The Date Line, 1957




Thirteen Points Along "The Date Line"

The Date Line: Facts & Fancies for the Girl in School, by Jan Landon, as it appeared in the November 1957 issue of Good Housekeeping.



#1 Boys in bottles.

Boys in bottles are a flash fad in Kansas... to get a pickled effect like this, girls back the picture with cardboard, brace them with clothes-hanger wire, and float them in colored water... others just paste glossy prints inside the bottle with rubber cement -- either way is pretty eerie while it lasts.
Ya think?Amazingly, the photo of a bottled-boy is credited to Dare Wright. (I have a huge crush on Dare Wright and her works-- so does Slippity-Do-Da.)

#2 All the, er, cool girls are doin' it...

That outgrown game, pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, is roaring back in a new Southern version" "Pin-the-sideburn-on-Elvis." !.....
I wonder if it continued with fat-Elvis too? Girls in the south, who were learning to deep-fat-fry any and all foods, must have continued to love Fat Elvis, right?

#3 I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed to be from Wisconsin...

In Wisconsin they say the girl's "got him drafted" when the boy's hooked...
How cheesy.

#4 I'm beginning to suspect this groovy knowledge isn't for "the girl in school", but for her parents... Like some sort of "how to understand your teenager" and "learn the lingo" advice column.

"It's been a hunk of heaven, but I think I'll jump for earth," means the party, evening, or romance is over.
#5 Of course, every school girl wants to know how the ultra glam college girls are wearing their sweaters...


#6 For the cool girl in school, tips on making an autograph belt. Ingredients are as simple as the sideburn-pinning-girls are: a plain, wide leather belt and press-on gold-leaf.


Next they giveth, then taketh... A crafty idea and then an equally crafty insult.

#7 First a DIY tip for using clothesline rope, painted in bright enamel paint to make "un-run-of-the-mill" necklaces for "medallions". Take that crafty tip and choke on it.

#8 Don't like that insult? How about this insult then: "Your mother must have bought you with green stamps!" It is the latest insult. (It may seem weird for a ladies' magazine to give insult tips -- but what sort of person actually takes such advice?)

#9 This next one makes me feel better about being a cheesy Wisconsin girl; at least I'm not from Texas.
Every rooter pops a blown-up paper bag at the kick-off of special games at Amarillo High, Texas

#10 But still, Texas girls are less icky than these girls...
Right after the Chicopee High, Mass., teams wins a big game, girls beg boys for, of all things, the chin straps of their football helmets... straps are prized collectors' items, hung like trophies on bedroom walls.
Hey, don't say, "Of all things," because heaven knows a sweaty chin strap worn by a pimply lad is leagues better than other straps -- begged for or not.

#11 This next bit features "grab-bag evenings", heh heh. Oh wait -- it's not quite the snarky fun it sounds like... The 'grab-bags' aren't ugly girls after all.


"Grab-bag evenings" eliminate squables on group dates in St. Louis... instead of arguing about restaurants and movies, they put ads of all possible choices in two boxes, one for movies, one for restaurants -- everybody goes to the spots drawn by a blindfolded girl.
And that's how Muffy ended up blindfolded in the back of Dale's dad's Buick. Honest.

#12 Little black books weren't enough...

"Fix-up files" are made by Midwest girls to simplify arranging blind dates... they're wallet albums of their girl friends' pictures with statistics and interests listed on the back for the benefit of inquiring boys...
Those 1957 Midwest girls were slutty, pimping their friends; I feel even prouder now.

#13 More fashion advice you need to take -- like a slap in the face:



#14 Yup, a bonus.


An endearing twist in envelope inscriptions is being revived in the Midwest... on letters to girls, boys add a phrase above the address so that it reads like this:

Oh, how I
Miss Sandra Smith
64 Middlefield Rd.
etc., etc.,
Gawd, no wonder those boys needed help soliciting dates.

Then again, maybe that "Oh, how I" was code for something.

#15 Don't complain -- you need more tips on how to understand what your peers are saying to you:


"Face in the crowd" is new for someone who'll pass with a shove...
I need that translated, actually.
If you have "the rare disease," you haven't had a date for ages.
No comment. Hubby makes me keep this PG-13 and I think that line is rife with enough innuendo as it is.

Well, as the cook kids say, it's been a hunk of heaven but I think I'll jump for earth now.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!



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Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Gregory's 60s Bachelor Pad

Gregory has a swingin' bachelor's pad -- not just one room, but the entire rambler is decked out in vintage housewares:

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Monday, February 18, 2008

When You Want To Reach The Kids, Use Shakespeare



Teens of Our Times was a regular bit in Good Housekeeping by Helene Wright. This one, titled Love, Life and Lipstick, was from the November 1957 issue and features inspiration on positive attitude and perseverance via Shakespearean bemoaning.
Thoughts for Midnight

"Ah. sweet Romeo -- if I'd only been born beautiful! Then I'd try out for the school play. But with those long raven locks and wit violet eyes I don't have, why bother? They probably wouldn't even cast me as Juliet's old nurse!"

"I'll bet you have to be one of the tooth-and-nail gang to get on the Student Council -- sort of a high school Lady Macbeth. I don't know why I ever waste time dreaming about it..."
Sure, Helene was Wright right with her "Lecture at High Noon", but what kid was really going to read that?

At least the illustration seems to capture the mopey teen response.

While this Teens of Our Times was illustrated by Jack Potter, others were done by Frances Hook. "Who the heck was Hook?" you say? Find out what you can in this post at Today's Inspiration.

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Boxed Dinners

Upon spying this 1957 ad for Chef Boy-Ar-Dee's box-O-pizza I not-so-fondly remembered eating the stuff.


Why was eating Kraft Macaroni and Cheese grand, but just spotting a box of this stuff in the pantry a sign that you were indeed among the poor kids?

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The Center

Isn't creamy.

Isn't molten lava.

It's a Melmac center.



Vintage ad from 1957, sporting all the current flavors, including design names for you Melmac collectors.

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Sunday, February 17, 2008

I Spend My Saturday Nights Reading Old Magazines

Yes, I do read the old magazines, not just mock the pictures. It's a grand way to relax after a frantic day at the auctions.

Lurking within the pages of the November 1957 issue of Good Housekeeping was this snippet on Foible Spotters:


Reading it -- and then again, out loud, to hubby -- I couldn't stop giggling; especially at this:
Two foible spotters extraordinary (they spot their own as well as other people's) have new books out this fall that deserve your attention. Sylvia Wright's Get Away from Me with Those Christmas Gifts and Jean Kerr's Please Don't Pick the Daisies...
Now the title of Wright's book had me rolling. It struck me as funny, this fear of Christmas gifts, but also it was odd as I'd never previously heard of Wright's books yet Kerr's book can literally be purchased by the pound (and for a dime, at that).

When curious, turn to the Internets.

A quick search and I discovered that Wright's book is a collection of essays, including the titular work which appeared in Harper's, December, 1952. From this work Wright is heralded by some as the 'foible spotter' to credit with the anti-commercialization of Christmas.

Only they don't say it so nicely.

Like Stephen Bayley who wrote that Wright was also:
a connoisseur of Yuletide horror. Her splendid 1957 collection of essays, Get away from me with those Christmas gifts!, has an urgent title which nicely captures the damaging psychoses stimulated in the pious and puritanical during this time of brainless excess and bogus ritualised jollity. What can be more depressing than an electric pepper mill? Christmas gifts are, by definition, things we do not need.
Sheesh. I'll get back to that another time -- and no, I'm not avoiding it because as Bayley would accuse, I'm suffering from a "clear correlation between a taste for decoration and poor education." I'm just not in the mood to get side-tracked at the moment.

Back to Wright.

Also in her book, Wright apparently coined the term Mondegreen, which is basically the explanation behind why some folks sing Scuse me, while I kiss this guy while listening to Hendrix. (Though this is one of the more noted examples of such misheard phrases or mondegreens, there is evidence to support your friend's claim that he's singing what Jimi did.)

And I would have known none of this if I didn't waste spend my Saturday nights reading old magazines.

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Cute As A Bug

If you're not, your parents will force you to be by making you participate in the beauty rituals of the times.


Cuz let's face it; this little Beautybyg hairdryer, with all its appliques, isn't for the kid to enjoy -- it's to make it more fun for the parents who will have to put the effort into shaping and molding their little girl into the perfect beauty they -- and society -- will love.

And even if she remains ugly, well, at least the parents can prove they did everything they could.

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Friday, February 15, 2008

Craft-Scan Friday: Instructions For Vintage Cloth Doll, Jenny

From a 1964 Workbasket magazine, instructions for Jenny, a cloth doll. Don't say I never gave you nuthin'.




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High-Five Fridays #5

1) William at Hang Fire Books overheard this conversation between two Salvation Army workers.

2) I mock a lot of crafts here, but as you've likely expected I am also charmed by many too -- I must be at some level to save all the stuff I do. *wink* For those who admit their problem hobby, check out Vintage Craft Patterns for free old instructions.

3) Somewhat related is Make. It's not always 'old' but it's of the same DIY spirit that you see in Popular Mechanics, Work Basket etc.

4) High-fives in general to coisas do arco da velha "bizarre - burlesque - freaks - circus - kitsch - pulp - mexico". Don't worry, it's in English -- but even ifin t'weren't, you'd enjoy the images & understand it all the same. (Like you understand what I say here half the time anyway.)

5) Most of you probably know of the Vintage Ad community at LiveJournal, but it's worth a high-five for its continued dedication.

Want to give high-fives too? Participation is a lot like Thursday Thirteen, only your post is links to who and what you like.

Find out how to give your High-Five Fridays here!

The purpose of this meme is to give high-fives to 5 people, posts, blogs and/or websites you've admired during the week. I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 5 high-fives on Friday. Trackbacks, pings, linky widgets, comment links accepted!

Visiting fellow High-Fivers is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your High-Fives in others comments (please note if NWS).



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Of Legends, Santa, & His Rein --Bear?


At first I thought this might be some sort of vintage Coke stunt -- you know, first they had Santa present Coke to the brown bears so that they might tell the polar bears of the joys of Coke... And then they wouldn't have needed to create those animated polar bears.

I dunno, the legend of Santa is magical and powerful and I'm a Believer. Anything is possible with legends. And marketing. Santa included.


Which reminds me of a cute story of my son two summers ago...

We were having a yard sale and, as we had lots of old books available, lots of the local book dealers were showing up. One of the local book dealers was stopping by every day of our sale to check out the 'new' old books we continued to bring out as books sold. This gentleman happens to be a bigger man with the snowy white hair and beard. .

Because my then 6 year old was on a mission to A) deny the existence of Santa & B) convince me that there was no Santa (something he'll never ever get me to believe), I had no idea that my son would think this was Santa. On our front lawn. In July.

But he did.

When the book dealer asked my husband a question, my son grabbed my arm tightly and, speaking in that half-whisper of awe, he breathed, "Santa talks."

So, near as I can fathom, his previous notion was that of a mute Santa. That Santa did not exist. But this talking guy on our lawn? He was Santa.

I naturally corrected my son that this man was not Santa, that he was 'just a local book buying guy'. You'd think that would have cemented Santa's death, right? But no; apparently the idea of a speaking Santa put into motion an official Belief of the legend & its magic. Now my son Believes. (At least when he's with me.)

Anyway, the power of Santa's legend is strong.

So are our local legends.

For example, these photos are not of Santa (no matter how those eyes twinkle!). Rather, as we discover via UpNorth Memories - Don Harrison (at Flickr), this man is John "Spikehorn" Meyers, a local legend in Meyers Clare County, Michigan.
Harrison’s most colorful character was John “Spikehorn” Meyers, known to thousands of Michigan residents simply as Spikehorn. He was a showman, naturalist, politician, coal miner, tile manufacturer, furniture builder, inventor, realtor, bear hunter, lumberjack, and above all, individualist. The old gentleman had a fertile imagination under his white thatch of hair and full white beard.

According to neighbors, Spikehorn’s interest in the woods and buckskins developed around 1930, when he opened his Bear and Deer Park established on his property at the corner of US-27 and M-61. Rumor has it the park even contained an occasional buffalo.

Spikehorn and his friend, Red Eagle, dressed in buckskins for tourists and treated them to tales of their adventures in the woods. He enjoyed feeding his pets sweets, popcorn, and pop and loved posing with his deer and bears for cameras.

His enemies were the Conservation Officers, as indicated by the sign in front of his business: “Feed Conservation Officers to the Bear.”
It looks as if those bears love the taste of conservation officers.


Seeing these old photos reminds me that we all have our local legends.

Some are so colorful they cannot be contained in black and white photos, so large they cannot be limited to the mere 3.5 x 5.5 inches of a postcard they are presented upon. But not all of them are.

Some neighborhood legends are much smaller. They don't have to be anything more than the local shut-in, as we October Road fans were reminded this week (in the We Lived Like Giants episode) when Sam was afraid of Physical Phil because neighborhood kids, who do not understand Phil's fear driven behavior, believe Phil drinks the blood of cats and wears a suit made of human flesh.

It sounds silly, but every neighborhood has The One To Watch Out For, the one kids spread stories about... I'm pretty sure that Spikehorn was the goof of his time and neighborhood.

He at least had to have outshone the crazy cat lady.

Which just makes me wonder if hubby and I, as "that crazy collecting couple", should be promoting & preserving ourselves on postcards so that we might live on as legends... You know, past the neighborhood rumors and into Forever...

Nah, we've got this blog.

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Thursday, February 14, 2008

13 Retro Nylon Netting... Nightmares?



Got lots of netting and a hankering for cutesy critter madness -- but lacking the imagination or instruction necessary to get started? Well, kiddos, this is your lucky day...

1) Nylon Net Novelties (1967) is 23 pages of kitschy retro goodness, sure to keep you busy for hours and hours -- with the added benefit of annoying everyone you know by giving them all your 'handicrafted' offspring.


I know you're all dying to see more of the poodle.

But it's my blog, so we're paging through this my way.

As expected, there are lots of pink frothy things, like topiaries and other centerpieces, for bridal and baby showers. (Since this is the 1960's, yes, the order matters.)

Frankly, upon first seeing the cover, I had little hope for this old craft publication... Too much frilly pink. Even for this kitschy girl. Combined with the memories of seeing such frilly, yet faded, netting nightmares, I remembered that their true function seems to be the ability to retain dust. Grandma dusted, perhaps around her tea cup collection, but I'd actually seen her lift and shake the (once) pink topiary. But it still smelled and made me sneeze. Perhaps these nasty-netting things were the inspiration for early dusting tools...

Oh, Hazel, Hazel Pearson, founder of Hazel Pearson Handicrafts, what have you done?

Like the Rolling Stones, all this sickness and I could suck a...



2) Duck.

OoooOOoh, feather options!

(See what I mean? A feather duster.)

3) The obligatory Net Santa.



I thought Santa had some sort of fungal infection in his eyes, but after perusing the crafting instructions it seems that those large orbs are 'cheeks' not 'eyes'. The eyes, in fact, are actually nothing more than lashes... Go ahead, click and look at the larger scan if you don't believe me. So it's no wonder we are confused that the balls we see are not eyeballs.

All I know is, if I put that up during the Christmas holiday season, none of my kids would dare to stay up late and see him -- and be on the 'Naughty' list? Hyeell no.

But it gets worse.

4) Meet the candy-ass clown.


I don't just say that because of my dislike and fear of clowns (one clown did try to kill me), but I say it because this clown has netted body -- including his tush -- designed to be filled with candy.

Mmmm Mmm, dusty candy.

5) Up next, a ballerina -- and the more curious elephant.


I know I'm simple, but I'm confused by the two-sentence set of instructions:
For party-time fun "Pink Elephant, of white foam, is secured to a base trimmed with wide net ruffles. Pearlized grapes add a gay touch.
OK, so the pink elephant is made of white foam... Color issues aside, were there once just rows of elephant foam forms? (And try to say that quickly on the phone while frantic for such supplies.)

Call me crazy, but how low-brow was crafting then that a project had less steps than assembling something from IKEA? Wouldn't it just be easier, and more creative, to take juniors stuffed toy, wrap a ribbon or ruffle around it, and smack it down in the center of the table?

6) I won't lie to you. The only reason this next one is here is because I have a thing for storks. (See part of my stork collection here.)


7) I honestly did spare you pages of wedding & anniversary hearts, nosegays, and umbrellas, but these baby shower centerpieces needed to be seen.

Besides, 'highly flammable' and the obvious 'kitsch' tag, what else would you call these? They hold the same creepy fascination for me as taxidermy. And that means I might rubber-neck, but I don't think I could ever bring myself to make one.

Come to think of it, nominating yourself to do the shower decorations with this booklet in hand, and you might find yourself never having to do anything but bring chips to every gathering you attend -- for the rest of your life.

7a) What should be here is a page on how to make a table skirt of netting for a wedding reception. I didn't scan & post it because if you can't figure that out, well, I've got a paper bag for you to try to find your way out of.

8) Here we have a 'soap fish' and 'peacock soap' -- don't ask me why the names are the way they are... Perhaps it is because the fish is so simple, twist netting around a small soap and glue some googly-eyes on it (yeah, yeah, some sequins too), that the emphasis should be on the soap. Which would make the more elaborate peacock more for advanced netters. (Certainly more sophisticated than the table cloth.)



9) Next up is the the poodle. Don't get all excited now; I wasn't even going to share this scan with you. For some reason I just didn't think you'd be worthy of Lu-Lu The Poodle. If you've ever been in a thrift store you've seen lots of Lu-Lus who need homes... Do you have any idea how many Lu-Lus are euthanized each year because none of you adopt them?

But, there, beneath Lu-Lu was a loo-loo of another sort.


10) Yup, that's Charlie the Caterpillar. Isn't that sad? That someone would be so lacking in imagination they wouldn't be able to roll netting up and glue a face on it without instructions?

...But we aren't done yet. Not with crafty netting; not with sadness.

If you thought instructions for Charlie and a netting table cloth overlay were sad -- or even just 'filler' to get to 23 pages -- you've no idea what's next.

There, beneath the topiary...



11) The 'Peony Scouring Pad', no matter how high and fancy its pedestal is, is laugh-out-loud funny.

I know this isn't any different in design that the bath puffs we all use with our shower gel -- but not even Dove calls it a 'Peony'. And while that netting is scratchy, is it tougher than Chore Boy or steel wool? Really?

What a horrible, horrible shower gift. I buy a place setting or a high chair for this shower and I get this?!

May I trade it for your caterpillar, please? Because I don't want what's coming up.


12) I'm guessing just posting the phrase 'net monkey' here is going to result in some Internet searchers to be frustrated... I don't know what it means, but I'm pretty sure those darn kids do; and it probably isn't pretty. But then neither is this nylon netting monkey.

My brother-in-law says that any words ending in 'k e y' are funny (go ahead, say 'monkey' and 'donkey' and you'll see he's onto something there), but this monkey, by virtue of his 'net' status, is creepy. Worthy of display near any dead animal art -- or, perhaps, some would say, part of my creepy doll collection. But I just don't think I could put Net Monkey next to Big Toe Joe. Not and feel good about it, anyway.

13) Last, I'll leave you with Net Bunny. Note, he is not the Easter Bunny; one assumes that he has many more functions to attend & perform.



Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!



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Wednesday, February 13, 2008

It's 2008, But Not For Everyone

Remember Brendan Fraser in Blast From the Past?

Well, Brian aka Ted Valentino (who is nearly as cute at Brendan) has completely decorated his home to look as if his home had been preserved for since the 1950's in a bomb shelter.

Before I show you, I must mention that I found Brian/Ted's site via Planet Fabulon -- Thom, consider yourself Kitsch-Slapped. You too, Brian/Ted. (And feel free to grab the Kitsch-Slapped icon from the sidebar.)

OK, now just look at the retro kitschy goodness!








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Nauga Monster

Via Flickr's Nauga Monster Group:



For more, see: The Birth (and near death) of an ugly celebrity spokesman: The Nauga!

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Big Boy Eventually Lost To An Even Bigger Steak



Chickens will devour McDonald's. Film at 11.

Via Flickr.

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Be My Racist Valentine




These old Valentines came from Hearts Atwirl -- Honest Injun! We wouldn't lie and put a 'Chink' in our reputation.

Ahh, racial puns. We've stooped that low.

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Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Put That Cephalopod In Your Glass And Read It

Columnist pal Collin, aka ResonantFish, has created creates art.



This particular piece is for the Coptopus cover (Front, back, what's the diff? It's a cover people!) and I for one love it. I wouldn't touch it if a serving wench brought it to my table, but on a cover it's quite delicious.

Collin wants INPUT, DAMMIT!, so give it to him.

Note: This post is my input :p

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Monday, February 11, 2008

Alma's Valentines

Today's Mute Monday theme is Valentine's Day, so here are two vintage Valentines, circa 1920's (Carrington Co., Chicago, ILL), sent to dear Alma.


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All The Good Ones Are Married Or...

Drinking Pepsi.



Via No Smoking In The Skull Cave.

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Sunday, February 10, 2008

Detroit Linebacker Was A Queen


Yup, it's right there; Lion Joe Schmidt was the queen of spades.

Via Ephemera Hunting: Collecting Vintage Paper at Collectors' Quest.

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Bronk's Cowboy Liquor Store

From the Infomercantile: Bronk's Package Store. It was located in downtown Fargo, at the intersection of Old US 10 and Old US 81, guaranteeing any off-the-interstate traveller would drive by it. Still not enough attention? Slap a bajillion rustic cowboy things stolen off the set of a 60s TV western, and you'll be in business. Sadly, it was gone by the time I was of age.

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Friday, February 8, 2008

Craft-Scan Friday: Vintage One Evening Wood Projects

From a 1953 Deltagram, two projects you can make in one evening.



I love the shelf; but I believe that's not only because I own kitschy knick-knacks, but because of the kitschy knick-knacks shown in the photo.

The elephant ring toss is cute, so cute it "will amuse the older folks as well as the children." The suggested rings to toss are fruit jar rings, so while Mom may be a bit perturbed to find she's short a few rings at canning time (and who's mom isn't?) at least the walls won't be marked.

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High-Five Fridays #4

1) High-fives to Neatorama for posting our refrigerated rabbit -- and to Rian for submitting it to them.

2) Row of potatoes, which amused me greatly when we found it -- still does after hubby posted it. *wink*

3) History Is Elementary is a blog by -- what else? -- an elementary history teacher. It's not kitschy, but it is is super cool. Grab a beverage and sit down to dig in at the site. (No fork needed for this tasty buffet.) It's so great that I'm adding it to the sidebar too.

4) A gleeful high-five to C. Monks at Utter Wonder as he worries about the effects of nerds at his blog. (As noted in the comments, he says 'nerds' while they say 'geeks' -- tomato/tomatoe as far as Monks' concerns go.) So why am I high-fiving him? Well, he writes a pretty clever post -- and the first part of dealing with his problem is to admit he has a problem. But of course the real reason I'm high-fiving the Monks is (drum roll) because I want to send more geeks and nerds his way. Fly my little minions, fly!

5) Flyfish Magazine brings you awesome images of Brian Gillis' teardrop camper with a fishing motif.



Find out how to give your High-Five Fridays here!

The purpose of this meme is to give high-fives to 5 people, posts, blogs and/or websites you've admired during the week. I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 5 high-fives on Friday. Trackbacks, pings, linky widgets, comment links accepted!

Visiting fellow High-Fivers is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your High-Fives in others comments (please note if NWS).



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Thursday, February 7, 2008

Thirteen More Bits 0 Paper Scans

Because I have boxes & boxes (and boxes) of ephemera & greeting cards (old paper) -- and because it's Thursday Thirteen...

13 More Scans Of Old Paper



The first three are vintage illustrations cut out of some publication or another. Two of the three had the poems on the back, and suggest a primer or other children's book. It could have been for really slow adults too -- I know I like them. But then, I am drawn to lovely old drawings and sing-song-y rhyme-y poems (and easily amused).

"A Fairy Went A-Marketing"





"The Snow-Fort"




Trades



OK, enough of the cute stuff.

When you get boxes of old greeting cards, most of them are Christmas cards. Some Most of them are 'retro' and annoying, not cool. So you have to kiss a lot of toads. This one struck me for its inefficiency.

The cover isn't very festive, with it's "Statement At Christmas" tome; and seeing the red mittened hand of Santa doesn't really help.



Inside we find a bland message, which, upon seeing it is a corporate card, makes more sense. No, it's no more festive; but we can forgive companies for not knowing how to be fun. What I cannot forgive is the stupid company name & 'signature'. Just "4 - 0 Cleaners"? How memorable.



If the commercial corporate card was boring, this next one is a hoot. Clearly the art work was created by hand and then printed in some quantity or other. "Merry Christmas Happy '56" from the king and queen -- of cards. You know, the playing kind of cards -- see the suits? Maybe this was specially made for their couples canasta league -- or bridge group. Could be poker. Who knows.



The kicker is the inside quote, written by hand. Which is sort of ironic...

No longer able to write a verse
Even the coloring gets worse
But we're glad we're still able to say
'Have a Joyous Christmas Day"
Oh, Jane and Ray, you're such cards! You ought to be dealt with.



I know I said I was done with the cute stuff and that you're going to see this cute vintage elephant card and yell at me. But hold on there, missy. This isn't just a cute elephant card; this is a vintage 'Secret Pal' elephant card -- complete with a printed 'X' for the mystery signature. I know if I was a Republication, I'd keep it a secret.



Oh yeah, I can hear the Republicans getting their knickers in a knot -- and the cute lovers are up in arms for mocking an innocent baby elephant. Want to get back at me? Write a pithy (spelled p-i-t-h-y, not p-i-s-s-y) comment. Maybe I'll give you an award. Maybe I'll just stalk you on the Internet and send you this card...

Now that you're all keen on cards & graphics you might be inspired to create some art. Valentine's Day is only a week away, and you've got nothing better to do this weekend anyway.

Here we have some Valentine card creation advice, straight from that 1971 Pack-o-Fun, "The Only Scrap-Craft Magazine". Yup, you know when it's from Pack-o-Fun, it will be crap-scraft-actular.

First, the boys get to make "Zany Valentines". 'Zany' in this case means corn-ball kitsch cards with found objects of the more masculine metal variety: hardware. (Must. Resist. All. Puns.) My personal favorite is the "I know it's TACK-less -- But I have to say I love you!" 'Cuz there it is with a tack, so how can it be tack-less?



Please note, if you opt to create variations on the theme, beware what message you use with a screw. (Unless you are a consenting adult with a partner who approves of -- even prefers -- naughty kitschy advances, like us.)

Girls, we they didn't forget you either. Given your potential for hormone induced rages, your altered artsy cards involve softer objects, like frilly laces. In fact, all you're suggested to use is lace. You'll need scissors though, so be sure to use those rounded-tipped ones -- and scream & fuss for help. (Whenever I do, those nice young men in the white coats come to help me.)



My favorite here is the "Can't I RUFFLE your feelings, Valentine?" Any man getting that card is gonna agree that you can; and that's when the fight breaks out. Now, with any luck at all, at this point he'll be holding the impotent lace-card as a weapon, and ladies, you'll have the one with the rusty old metal piece.

Now that you've made all your pretty paper Valentines, you'll need a place to stuff them. :ahem: In case you need help creating animals with heart-shaped heads (the paper kind), I've included both pages of instructions.



Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!



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Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Get Out Awards, 2/5/08

Here are the first awardees of the Get Out! Kitschy Kitschy Coo Award:

Susan Helene Gottfried for the appropriate use of, "Yum Yum" as a comment.

Cajunvegan for writing: "You must keep these 'retrolicious' posts going. You are here for my entertainment." It made me feel dirty. In that good kinda way. *wink*

That Grrl for saying, "My brother threw away most of my books. Then he goes on and on about how much money I spend, mainly about the money I spend on books. Well, never seems to occur to him that it costs a lot of money to buy the same book three times just so I can read and continue to use it." A-duh.

FeeFiFoto for stating that she'd seen a show on how to make clothing out of felted dryer lint. Technically, she ought to have to prove such a thing (the theory is discussed here, which makes it seem less than likely), but as she made me curious enough to Google, she's earned it.

DinoCollector for a math-y response.

Matthew James Didier for making certain that, "What? Like the back seat of a Volkswagen?" would be stuck in all our heads.

Did you earn the award? Then grab a button for your site. If not, keep playing!

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Explaining The Tape Away

Find records with tape on the label? This bit in that 1947 Home Kinks magazine explains:
If slightly warped records slip on an automatic record player and distort the tone, this trouble can be avoided by sticking two strips of adhesive tape on each face of the record as shown.

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Monday, February 4, 2008

Socking It To Martha & Other Household Tipsters

From the "Martha Stewart's got nothing new files", comes this page of Household Ideas: Prize Hints for the Homemaker (Modern Woman Magazine, Volume 14, Issue 5, 1945).



Yeah, I know a person could fill up a blog with these 'recycled' tips. And maybe I will. (It all starts with just one page -- mocking is so like potato chips.)

My favorites here are:
Children's pajamas are almost impossible to buy -- especially with the feet attached. As a substitute sew a pair of socks, two sizes larger than the child wears, to the legs of the pajamas.
I wasn't around at the end (or any part of) WWII, so I can't vouch for that time, the jammies or the kids, but I have a few ideas on the rarity of jammies with feet. I think there's a reason for that which has nothing to do with the war -- kids hate 'em.

I had to cut the feet off all such pj's or my kids wouldn't wear them. Visit any local rummage sale, yard sale, or thrift shop and you'll see that my kids are not the only kids who feel such vile disgust of the footie part of footie pajamas.
Wash out children's socks daily instead of letting them pile up in the clothes hamper. Imbedded perspiration and sand tend to deteriorate the fibers, and should not be left in for any length of time.
This phenomenon, otherwise known as 'crunchy socks', doesn't only affect children. I know there was a shortage of men on the home front, but Mr Too-Old-To-Fight & Mr Gimpy had socks which were so afflicted too. And let's be honest, working women's socks aren't any better. I don't know about Ms Lounge-About-Eating-BonBons' hose, but stinky feet knows no age, no gender. Did any one really not know to wash the stinky things? Did they not know why hampers stink? And didn't they face the 'darn' truth when mending socks?

(Get the pun? Or must I explain the process of darning socks?)

Of course, if you cleaned socks by pounding them on rocks, your socks were doomed anyway. Even if sewn onto pjs.
Broken glass on the kitchen sink or floor can be readily picked up by wiping with a wad of fresh bread rolled into a ball.
Hence poor families who counted themselves lucky to have day old bread had broken glass strewn about the joint. Oiy the sock damages!

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Saturday, February 2, 2008

Things That Are Living In Your Pockets


... Our goal is not only bring all this objects into light but show the owner of them.

Place the objects on the scanner. Place your face/part of it on the scanner as well. Aaaaand scan it!
Face Your Pockets Project, via That Grrl.

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Friday, February 1, 2008

Craft-Scan Friday: Who's Crocheting?

The caption on this page is: Who's Home Crocheting?
DEAR GOD NO -- It's Norman Bates' mother! Don't go near her -- she's a wrinkly old dead corpse! Sure, the hotel room was cheap, but a skinny crazy guy will hack up you in the shower! *Phew* It's only a hot Swiss miss with red hair. That smell of a decaying corpse, that was her puppy. It needs some shots and that'll clear right up. As for the chick: she's wearing shorts and flip-flops, but in the first photo she has an antimacassar to keep her shoulders warm. I almost think she was trying to deceive us, and obscure her babe-a-liciousness! Why would she do such a thing?

To sell Dawn Yarns from American Thread -- "For Uncommon Ideas," is their motto, as it is apparently uncommon to find hot chicks knitting their own clothes. Crocheting is an old lady craft? Who would think such a thing! Well, I suppose I gotta agree with them at that point. From time to time, the AP does a story on kids knitting, but it's far less prevalent in hot redheads as it is in grandmoms. (see also, from a few weeks ago)

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High-Five Fridays #3


1) Are you obsessed with those 80's malls? Sure you are, Valley Girl; so head on over to Big Mall Rat. (Psst, boys, I'll be at the fountain at 3, after I ditch my mom.)

2) A review of 1968's The King, fiction which reportedly angered Sinatra but delighted Silent Porn Star * (Yup, the asterisk means the site may have/has adult content. But shouldn't the name tell you that?)

3) A review of In the Realms of the Unreal -- how the heck have we missed this film?!

4) Apparently Elizabeth at Ridiculon has been linking to here since 1972 and I just noticed. High-five for her; slap on the fanny for me.

5) A high-five for myself for finally ranting & spewing my hatred for James Woods -- too bad it took Sean Young's drinking to force my writing hand. (Link is safe, but the site itself, Sex-Kitten.Net, is NWS.)

Find out how to give your High-Five Fridays here!

The purpose of this meme is to give high-fives to 5 people, posts, blogs and/or websites you've admired during the week. I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 5 high-fives on Friday. Trackbacks, pings, linky widgets, comment links accepted!

Visiting fellow High-Fivers is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your High-Fives in others comments (please note if NWS).



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