Monday, September 7, 2009

Bacon & Eggs On Your Fridge

By Kids, For Kids, crochet patterns to make bacon & egg magnets. (Patterns are free for registered members at Lion Brand Yarns; registration is free.)

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Thursday, January 8, 2009

Macramé A Lampshade

From Macramé with Potpourri (Hazel Pearson Handicrafts, 1981), instructions for making this um, "spectacularly kitschy" spice jar lamp with macraméd shade. (Here's info on how to make basic macramé knots from the same book.)



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Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Hey 12 Year Olds, Knit Underpants For Sasha & Gregor

Knitting Know-How 14, Specially for 12-year-olds, pattern & instructions found in Golden Hands "In 75 Weekly Parts", Part 14, Vol. 1. (Last copyright date, 1971.)


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Friday, December 12, 2008

Craft-Scan Friday: Twin Martian Dolls

From McCall's Needlework & Crafts, Spring/Summer 1971, instructions for making these twin Martian dolls. I'm in lurve with the see-thru plastic dress on the female Martian.



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Thursday, December 11, 2008

Make A Mammy (& Pappy) Racist Utensil Rack

Go ahead, I double-dog dare you.



As a white girl, I don't think I should even own these instructions and pattern from a vintage set of Coping Saw Carpentry For Boys & Girls cards... As I've said, Black Americana isn't something I feel good about collecting myself.

Whoopie, if you're reading this, I'll gladly send this to you for your collection. Free, of course.

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Saturday, December 6, 2008

Pixies: Guardians Of PJs

A cute elf sits on the cover of the first issue of Good Housekeeping Needlecraft magazine (Fall-Winter, 1968-1969).





Turns out he is not an elf, but rather both a pixie and a pajama bag. Click the images to get the patterns & instructions (I tired to color correct the pattern page, but that's the best I could get it). If you make any pixie pj bags, I'd love to see 'em!




I put the skirt instructions for crocheting the long red hostess here -- I'd love to see those if you make them too.

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Friday, December 5, 2008

Dad Says He Tired Of Ties As Gifts?

Well, you can always make him kitschy place to put them.




Instructions and pattern from a vintage set of Coping Saw Carpentry For Boys & Girls cards. You can find nicer patterns and craft project instructions at my other blog, Things Your Grandmother Knew too.

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Thursday, December 4, 2008

Utterly Knitable

Running out of Christmas gift ideas? Don't have a cow -- knit a cow!

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Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Nothing Warms Them Up Like Baked Goods


Girls Cupcake Scarf Pattern from Jaybird Designs.

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Friday, September 5, 2008

Pixies On Toadstools & Whiskers On Kittens

Hannah not only made them, but offers pdf instructions.


Nothing goes better with pixies on toadstools than whiskers on kittens (I know you're singing along!). We'd prefer you had your own cats who would brush their whiskers against the toadstool doorstops, but if not... Here's a vintage kitty -- with whiskers -- pattern; some assembly required.

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Saturday, August 23, 2008

Scrap Rug Fun - Doggy Tissue Cover

From the February, 1971, issue of Pack-O-Fun, instructions to make a doggie tissue box cover. (This is actually practical too because cutting up old rugs is sure to make you -- and others -- sneeze.)

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Tuesday, March 25, 2008

When Your Plastic Pine Needles Fall...

Here's another version of a tissue paper flower tree, made on last year's tree frame.
Yes, "another version" -- because in this 1959 holiday magazine there's a more, err, traditional tree with tissue paper flowers. I don't honestly know if there is such a thing as a traditional tissue paper blossom decorated Christmas tree... But the other one is huge and I'm saving that one for holiday time. So you get this "diminutive" version, "just right to decorate a dining room or entrance hall table".


I'm not very surprised to find such a "spring posies on a Christmas tree" project; but I am surprised that the last year's artificial tree was plucked of the plastic needles so quickly...

Just in case you need to recycle your artificial tree -- and don't find tissue paper trees anything to sneeze at, here's the pattern & instructions.

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Saturday, March 15, 2008

Everyone Needs A Demon Pig Mask


This free Demon Pig Mask Poster is from Fuzzy Balls Apparel, which, as the artist says, "sounds like I am saying 'Fuzzy Balls of Peril'." Hence the name of the pig mask poster.

While there, scroll for more free goodies and then click about, wildly, to see all the other madness.

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Monday, March 3, 2008

Vintage Holiday Dress-Up Aprons

Here are frivolous aprons that look more at home in the living room than the kitchen. They're enlivened with all sorts of sparkling trims and are designed to go to a party.
From a 1959 Better Homes & Gardens Christmas Ideas magazine, this four page spread on Dress-up aprons made for holiday giving -- complete as shown with patterns. (Click to see large scans.) And, before I forget, check out my article at CQ: Collecting Female Uniforms: Vintage Aprons.




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Friday, February 15, 2008

Craft-Scan Friday: Instructions For Vintage Cloth Doll, Jenny

From a 1964 Workbasket magazine, instructions for Jenny, a cloth doll. Don't say I never gave you nuthin'.




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Thursday, February 14, 2008

13 Retro Nylon Netting... Nightmares?



Got lots of netting and a hankering for cutesy critter madness -- but lacking the imagination or instruction necessary to get started? Well, kiddos, this is your lucky day...

1) Nylon Net Novelties (1967) is 23 pages of kitschy retro goodness, sure to keep you busy for hours and hours -- with the added benefit of annoying everyone you know by giving them all your 'handicrafted' offspring.


I know you're all dying to see more of the poodle.

But it's my blog, so we're paging through this my way.

As expected, there are lots of pink frothy things, like topiaries and other centerpieces, for bridal and baby showers. (Since this is the 1960's, yes, the order matters.)

Frankly, upon first seeing the cover, I had little hope for this old craft publication... Too much frilly pink. Even for this kitschy girl. Combined with the memories of seeing such frilly, yet faded, netting nightmares, I remembered that their true function seems to be the ability to retain dust. Grandma dusted, perhaps around her tea cup collection, but I'd actually seen her lift and shake the (once) pink topiary. But it still smelled and made me sneeze. Perhaps these nasty-netting things were the inspiration for early dusting tools...

Oh, Hazel, Hazel Pearson, founder of Hazel Pearson Handicrafts, what have you done?

Like the Rolling Stones, all this sickness and I could suck a...



2) Duck.

OoooOOoh, feather options!

(See what I mean? A feather duster.)

3) The obligatory Net Santa.



I thought Santa had some sort of fungal infection in his eyes, but after perusing the crafting instructions it seems that those large orbs are 'cheeks' not 'eyes'. The eyes, in fact, are actually nothing more than lashes... Go ahead, click and look at the larger scan if you don't believe me. So it's no wonder we are confused that the balls we see are not eyeballs.

All I know is, if I put that up during the Christmas holiday season, none of my kids would dare to stay up late and see him -- and be on the 'Naughty' list? Hyeell no.

But it gets worse.

4) Meet the candy-ass clown.


I don't just say that because of my dislike and fear of clowns (one clown did try to kill me), but I say it because this clown has netted body -- including his tush -- designed to be filled with candy.

Mmmm Mmm, dusty candy.

5) Up next, a ballerina -- and the more curious elephant.


I know I'm simple, but I'm confused by the two-sentence set of instructions:
For party-time fun "Pink Elephant, of white foam, is secured to a base trimmed with wide net ruffles. Pearlized grapes add a gay touch.
OK, so the pink elephant is made of white foam... Color issues aside, were there once just rows of elephant foam forms? (And try to say that quickly on the phone while frantic for such supplies.)

Call me crazy, but how low-brow was crafting then that a project had less steps than assembling something from IKEA? Wouldn't it just be easier, and more creative, to take juniors stuffed toy, wrap a ribbon or ruffle around it, and smack it down in the center of the table?

6) I won't lie to you. The only reason this next one is here is because I have a thing for storks. (See part of my stork collection here.)


7) I honestly did spare you pages of wedding & anniversary hearts, nosegays, and umbrellas, but these baby shower centerpieces needed to be seen.

Besides, 'highly flammable' and the obvious 'kitsch' tag, what else would you call these? They hold the same creepy fascination for me as taxidermy. And that means I might rubber-neck, but I don't think I could ever bring myself to make one.

Come to think of it, nominating yourself to do the shower decorations with this booklet in hand, and you might find yourself never having to do anything but bring chips to every gathering you attend -- for the rest of your life.

7a) What should be here is a page on how to make a table skirt of netting for a wedding reception. I didn't scan & post it because if you can't figure that out, well, I've got a paper bag for you to try to find your way out of.

8) Here we have a 'soap fish' and 'peacock soap' -- don't ask me why the names are the way they are... Perhaps it is because the fish is so simple, twist netting around a small soap and glue some googly-eyes on it (yeah, yeah, some sequins too), that the emphasis should be on the soap. Which would make the more elaborate peacock more for advanced netters. (Certainly more sophisticated than the table cloth.)



9) Next up is the the poodle. Don't get all excited now; I wasn't even going to share this scan with you. For some reason I just didn't think you'd be worthy of Lu-Lu The Poodle. If you've ever been in a thrift store you've seen lots of Lu-Lus who need homes... Do you have any idea how many Lu-Lus are euthanized each year because none of you adopt them?

But, there, beneath Lu-Lu was a loo-loo of another sort.


10) Yup, that's Charlie the Caterpillar. Isn't that sad? That someone would be so lacking in imagination they wouldn't be able to roll netting up and glue a face on it without instructions?

...But we aren't done yet. Not with crafty netting; not with sadness.

If you thought instructions for Charlie and a netting table cloth overlay were sad -- or even just 'filler' to get to 23 pages -- you've no idea what's next.

There, beneath the topiary...



11) The 'Peony Scouring Pad', no matter how high and fancy its pedestal is, is laugh-out-loud funny.

I know this isn't any different in design that the bath puffs we all use with our shower gel -- but not even Dove calls it a 'Peony'. And while that netting is scratchy, is it tougher than Chore Boy or steel wool? Really?

What a horrible, horrible shower gift. I buy a place setting or a high chair for this shower and I get this?!

May I trade it for your caterpillar, please? Because I don't want what's coming up.


12) I'm guessing just posting the phrase 'net monkey' here is going to result in some Internet searchers to be frustrated... I don't know what it means, but I'm pretty sure those darn kids do; and it probably isn't pretty. But then neither is this nylon netting monkey.

My brother-in-law says that any words ending in 'k e y' are funny (go ahead, say 'monkey' and 'donkey' and you'll see he's onto something there), but this monkey, by virtue of his 'net' status, is creepy. Worthy of display near any dead animal art -- or, perhaps, some would say, part of my creepy doll collection. But I just don't think I could put Net Monkey next to Big Toe Joe. Not and feel good about it, anyway.

13) Last, I'll leave you with Net Bunny. Note, he is not the Easter Bunny; one assumes that he has many more functions to attend & perform.



Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!



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Thursday, February 7, 2008

Thirteen More Bits 0 Paper Scans

Because I have boxes & boxes (and boxes) of ephemera & greeting cards (old paper) -- and because it's Thursday Thirteen...

13 More Scans Of Old Paper



The first three are vintage illustrations cut out of some publication or another. Two of the three had the poems on the back, and suggest a primer or other children's book. It could have been for really slow adults too -- I know I like them. But then, I am drawn to lovely old drawings and sing-song-y rhyme-y poems (and easily amused).

"A Fairy Went A-Marketing"





"The Snow-Fort"




Trades



OK, enough of the cute stuff.

When you get boxes of old greeting cards, most of them are Christmas cards. Some Most of them are 'retro' and annoying, not cool. So you have to kiss a lot of toads. This one struck me for its inefficiency.

The cover isn't very festive, with it's "Statement At Christmas" tome; and seeing the red mittened hand of Santa doesn't really help.



Inside we find a bland message, which, upon seeing it is a corporate card, makes more sense. No, it's no more festive; but we can forgive companies for not knowing how to be fun. What I cannot forgive is the stupid company name & 'signature'. Just "4 - 0 Cleaners"? How memorable.



If the commercial corporate card was boring, this next one is a hoot. Clearly the art work was created by hand and then printed in some quantity or other. "Merry Christmas Happy '56" from the king and queen -- of cards. You know, the playing kind of cards -- see the suits? Maybe this was specially made for their couples canasta league -- or bridge group. Could be poker. Who knows.



The kicker is the inside quote, written by hand. Which is sort of ironic...

No longer able to write a verse
Even the coloring gets worse
But we're glad we're still able to say
'Have a Joyous Christmas Day"
Oh, Jane and Ray, you're such cards! You ought to be dealt with.



I know I said I was done with the cute stuff and that you're going to see this cute vintage elephant card and yell at me. But hold on there, missy. This isn't just a cute elephant card; this is a vintage 'Secret Pal' elephant card -- complete with a printed 'X' for the mystery signature. I know if I was a Republication, I'd keep it a secret.



Oh yeah, I can hear the Republicans getting their knickers in a knot -- and the cute lovers are up in arms for mocking an innocent baby elephant. Want to get back at me? Write a pithy (spelled p-i-t-h-y, not p-i-s-s-y) comment. Maybe I'll give you an award. Maybe I'll just stalk you on the Internet and send you this card...

Now that you're all keen on cards & graphics you might be inspired to create some art. Valentine's Day is only a week away, and you've got nothing better to do this weekend anyway.

Here we have some Valentine card creation advice, straight from that 1971 Pack-o-Fun, "The Only Scrap-Craft Magazine". Yup, you know when it's from Pack-o-Fun, it will be crap-scraft-actular.

First, the boys get to make "Zany Valentines". 'Zany' in this case means corn-ball kitsch cards with found objects of the more masculine metal variety: hardware. (Must. Resist. All. Puns.) My personal favorite is the "I know it's TACK-less -- But I have to say I love you!" 'Cuz there it is with a tack, so how can it be tack-less?



Please note, if you opt to create variations on the theme, beware what message you use with a screw. (Unless you are a consenting adult with a partner who approves of -- even prefers -- naughty kitschy advances, like us.)

Girls, we they didn't forget you either. Given your potential for hormone induced rages, your altered artsy cards involve softer objects, like frilly laces. In fact, all you're suggested to use is lace. You'll need scissors though, so be sure to use those rounded-tipped ones -- and scream & fuss for help. (Whenever I do, those nice young men in the white coats come to help me.)



My favorite here is the "Can't I RUFFLE your feelings, Valentine?" Any man getting that card is gonna agree that you can; and that's when the fight breaks out. Now, with any luck at all, at this point he'll be holding the impotent lace-card as a weapon, and ladies, you'll have the one with the rusty old metal piece.

Now that you've made all your pretty paper Valentines, you'll need a place to stuff them. :ahem: In case you need help creating animals with heart-shaped heads (the paper kind), I've included both pages of instructions.



Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!



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