Modern Woman Monday: Get Myself A Girl Like You

An old promotional invitation for the After Easter Ball, arranged by the White Lily Socials, at the Bahn Frei Turn Hall, Sat. Eve., April 13, 1912.


Printed on the back, is the following cheeky and charming song:

I've Got to Go and Get Myself a Girl Like You

Little Miss Muffet sat down on a tuffet, whatever a tuffet may be,
When young Sammy Snyder sat down right beside her and spoke unto her soothingly;
Be quite alarmless, for I am quite harmless,
But I saw you were human like me,
So I thought I might sit and look at you a bit,
And this is the answer, said he,
The more of you I see
The more my heart tells me:

REFRAIN:

I've got to go and get myself a girl like you,
That's some job to do,
For they come feew, but believe me,
If I can't find one just like you,
I don't care who you belong to,
I'll come right back again,
Right straight back again and steal you.

Little Miss Muffet stood up on her tuffet, and said, Vas is los mit your head,
You're feverish, mercy, run right home to nursie and tell her to put you to bed;
Where can you find sir, a girl of my kind, sir,
If your optics could "op" you would see,
That while boys will be boys and while girls will be girls,
There is only one me, and that's me.
Said he, I guess that's so
But still I guess I'll go.

Modern Woman Monday: 1000 Ways To Make Yourself Beautiful

This book jacket proclaiming, "A Thousand Ways to Make Yourself Beautiful!" is from the 1940 Hollywood Glamour Cook Book, by Mariposa.

This book will disclose to you the Beauty Secrets of the Movie Stars. You, too, can be "most divinely fair," as irresistible as your favorite Glamour Queen. Imagine the thrill of hearing someone say about you, "Isn't she Glamorous, isn't she lovely!"

You can find out more about my obsession with Mariposa in my article at Collectors' Quest. (And I welcome any knowledge you have about her!)

What Sci-Fi Folks Were Up To In 1959

From SaFari, issue #2, a sci-fi fanzine by Earl Kemp, part of a series of fanzines Kemp published for the Spectator Amateur Press Society, or SAPS (SAPS # 48). Follow the links and you'll see the accompanying photos.



Included are Harlan Ellison, Wilson Tucker and Robert Bloch.

Dogs a La...

Hot pads!



Wouldn't want to burn the pooches with hot pots, but they are cute!

(And there's a cat there too.)

From a 1944 Star Potholders Book.

Of Legends, Santa, & His Rein --Bear?

At first I thought this might be some sort of vintage Coke stunt -- you know, first they had Santa present Coke to the brown bears so that they might tell the polar bears of the joys of Coke... And then they wouldn't have needed to create those animated polar bears.

I dunno, the legend of Santa is magical and powerful and I'm a Believer. Anything is possible with legends. And marketing. Santa included.


Which reminds me of a cute story of my son two summers ago...

We were having a yard sale and, as we had lots of old books available, lots of the local book dealers were showing up. One of the local book dealers was stopping by every day of our sale to check out the 'new' old books we continued to bring out as books sold. This gentleman happens to be a bigger man with the snowy white hair and beard. .

Because my then 6 year old was on a mission to A) deny the existence of Santa & B) convince me that there was no Santa (something he'll never ever get me to believe), I had no idea that my son would think this was Santa. On our front lawn. In July.

But he did.

When the book dealer asked my husband a question, my son grabbed my arm tightly and, speaking in that half-whisper of awe, he breathed, "Santa talks."

So, near as I can fathom, his previous notion was that of a mute Santa. That Santa did not exist. But this talking guy on our lawn? He was Santa.

I naturally corrected my son that this man was not Santa, that he was 'just a local book buying guy'. You'd think that would have cemented Santa's death, right? But no; apparently the idea of a speaking Santa put into motion an official Belief of the legend & its magic. Now my son Believes. (At least when he's with me.)

Anyway, the power of Santa's legend is strong.

So are our local legends.

For example, these photos are not of Santa (no matter how those eyes twinkle!). Rather, as we discover via UpNorth Memories - Don Harrison (at Flickr), this man is John "Spikehorn" Meyers, a local legend in Meyers Clare County, Michigan.

Harrison’s most colorful character was John “Spikehorn” Meyers, known to thousands of Michigan residents simply as Spikehorn. He was a showman, naturalist, politician, coal miner, tile manufacturer, furniture builder, inventor, realtor, bear hunter, lumberjack, and above all, individualist. The old gentleman had a fertile imagination under his white thatch of hair and full white beard.

According to neighbors, Spikehorn’s interest in the woods and buckskins developed around 1930, when he opened his Bear and Deer Park established on his property at the corner of US-27 and M-61. Rumor has it the park even contained an occasional buffalo.

Spikehorn and his friend, Red Eagle, dressed in buckskins for tourists and treated them to tales of their adventures in the woods. He enjoyed feeding his pets sweets, popcorn, and pop and loved posing with his deer and bears for cameras.

His enemies were the Conservation Officers, as indicated by the sign in front of his business: “Feed Conservation Officers to the Bear.”

It looks as if those bears love the taste of conservation officers.


Seeing these old photos reminds me that we all have our local legends.

Some are so colorful they cannot be contained in black and white photos, so large they cannot be limited to the mere 3.5 x 5.5 inches of a postcard they are presented upon. But not all of them are.

Some neighborhood legends are much smaller. They don't have to be anything more than the local shut-in, as we October Road fans were reminded this week (in the We Lived Like Giants episode) when Sam was afraid of Physical Phil because neighborhood kids, who do not understand Phil's fear driven behavior, believe Phil drinks the blood of cats and wears a suit made of human flesh.

It sounds silly, but every neighborhood has The One To Watch Out For, the one kids spread stories about... I'm pretty sure that Spikehorn was the goof of his time and neighborhood.

He at least had to have outshone the crazy cat lady.

Which just makes me wonder if hubby and I, as "that crazy collecting couple", should be promoting & preserving ourselves on postcards so that we might live on as legends... You know, past the neighborhood rumors and into Forever...

Nah, we've got this blog.

Be My Racist Valentine

These old Valentines came from Hearts Atwirl -- Honest Injun! We wouldn't lie and put a 'Chink' in our reputation.

Ahh, racial puns. We've stooped that low.

Alma's Valentines

Today's Mute Monday theme is Valentine's Day, so here are two vintage Valentines, circa 1920's (Carrington Co., Chicago, ILL), sent to dear Alma.

Detroit Linebacker Was A Queen

Yup, it's right there; Lion Joe Schmidt was the queen of spades.

Via Ephemera Hunting: Collecting Vintage Paper at Collectors' Quest.

Thirteen More Bits 0 Paper Scans

Because I have boxes & boxes (and boxes) of ephemera & greeting cards (old paper) -- and because it's Thursday Thirteen...

13 More Scans Of Old Paper

The first three are vintage illustrations cut out of some publication or another. Two of the three had the poems on the back, and suggest a primer or other children's book. It could have been for really slow adults too -- I know I like them. But then, I am drawn to lovely old drawings and sing-song-y rhyme-y poems (and easily amused).

"A Fairy Went A-Marketing"





"The Snow-Fort"




Trades



OK, enough of the cute stuff.

When you get boxes of old greeting cards, most of them are Christmas cards. Some Most of them are 'retro' and annoying, not cool. So you have to kiss a lot of toads. This one struck me for its inefficiency.

The cover isn't very festive, with it's "Statement At Christmas" tome; and seeing the red mittened hand of Santa doesn't really help.



Inside we find a bland message, which, upon seeing it is a corporate card, makes more sense. No, it's no more festive; but we can forgive companies for not knowing how to be fun. What I cannot forgive is the stupid company name & 'signature'. Just "4 - 0 Cleaners"? How memorable.



If the commercial corporate card was boring, this next one is a hoot. Clearly the art work was created by hand and then printed in some quantity or other. "Merry Christmas Happy '56" from the king and queen -- of cards. You know, the playing kind of cards -- see the suits? Maybe this was specially made for their couples canasta league -- or bridge group. Could be poker. Who knows.



The kicker is the inside quote, written by hand. Which is sort of ironic...

No longer able to write a verse
Even the coloring gets worse
But we're glad we're still able to say
'Have a Joyous Christmas Day"

Oh, Jane and Ray, you're such cards! You ought to be dealt with.



I know I said I was done with the cute stuff and that you're going to see this cute vintage elephant card and yell at me. But hold on there, missy. This isn't just a cute elephant card; this is a vintage 'Secret Pal' elephant card -- complete with a printed 'X' for the mystery signature. I know if I was a Republication, I'd keep it a secret.



Oh yeah, I can hear the Republicans getting their knickers in a knot -- and the cute lovers are up in arms for mocking an innocent baby elephant. Want to get back at me? Write a pithy (spelled p-i-t-h-y, not p-i-s-s-y) comment. Maybe I'll give you an award. Maybe I'll just stalk you on the Internet and send you this card...

Now that you're all keen on cards & graphics you might be inspired to create some art. Valentine's Day is only a week away, and you've got nothing better to do this weekend anyway.

Here we have some Valentine card creation advice, straight from that 1971 Pack-o-Fun, "The Only Scrap-Craft Magazine". Yup, you know when it's from Pack-o-Fun, it will be crap-scraft-actular.

First, the boys get to make "Zany Valentines". 'Zany' in this case means corn-ball kitsch cards with found objects of the more masculine metal variety: hardware. (Must. Resist. All. Puns.) My personal favorite is the "I know it's TACK-less -- But I have to say I love you!" 'Cuz there it is with a tack, so how can it be tack-less?



Please note, if you opt to create variations on the theme, beware what message you use with a screw. (Unless you are a consenting adult with a partner who approves of -- even prefers -- naughty kitschy advances, like us.)

Girls, we they didn't forget you either. Given your potential for hormone induced rages, your altered artsy cards involve softer objects, like frilly laces. In fact, all you're suggested to use is lace. You'll need scissors though, so be sure to use those rounded-tipped ones -- and scream & fuss for help. (Whenever I do, those nice young men in the white coats come to help me.)



My favorite here is the "Can't I RUFFLE your feelings, Valentine?" Any man getting that card is gonna agree that you can; and that's when the fight breaks out. Now, with any luck at all, at this point he'll be holding the impotent lace-card as a weapon, and ladies, you'll have the one with the rusty old metal piece.

Now that you've made all your pretty paper Valentines, you'll need a place to stuff them. :ahem: In case you need help creating animals with heart-shaped heads (the paper kind), I've included both pages of instructions.



Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Socking It To Martha & Other Household Tipsters

From the "Martha Stewart's got nothing new files", comes this page of Household Ideas: Prize Hints for the Homemaker (Modern Woman Magazine, Volume 14, Issue 5, 1945).



Yeah, I know a person could fill up a blog with these 'recycled' tips. And maybe I will. (It all starts with just one page -- mocking is so like potato chips.)

My favorites here are:

Children's pajamas are almost impossible to buy -- especially with the feet attached. As a substitute sew a pair of socks, two sizes larger than the child wears, to the legs of the pajamas.

I wasn't around at the end (or any part of) WWII, so I can't vouch for that time, the jammies or the kids, but I have a few ideas on the rarity of jammies with feet. I think there's a reason for that which has nothing to do with the war -- kids hate 'em.

I had to cut the feet off all such pj's or my kids wouldn't wear them. Visit any local rummage sale, yard sale, or thrift shop and you'll see that my kids are not the only kids who feel such vile disgust of the footie part of footie pajamas.

Wash out children's socks daily instead of letting them pile up in the clothes hamper. Imbedded perspiration and sand tend to deteriorate the fibers, and should not be left in for any length of time.

This phenomenon, otherwise known as 'crunchy socks', doesn't only affect children. I know there was a shortage of men on the home front, but Mr Too-Old-To-Fight & Mr Gimpy had socks which were so afflicted too. And let's be honest, working women's socks aren't any better. I don't know about Ms Lounge-About-Eating-BonBons' hose, but stinky feet knows no age, no gender. Did any one really not know to wash the stinky things? Did they not know why hampers stink? And didn't they face the 'darn' truth when mending socks?

(Get the pun? Or must I explain the process of darning socks?)

Of course, if you cleaned socks by pounding them on rocks, your socks were doomed anyway. Even if sewn onto pjs.

Broken glass on the kitchen sink or floor can be readily picked up by wiping with a wad of fresh bread rolled into a ball.

Hence poor families who counted themselves lucky to have day old bread had broken glass strewn about the joint. Oiy the sock damages!

A Reminder About Clean Coal

I don't remember homes heated with coal, but I just thought while they push clean coal at us via commercials we should take this trip down memory lane:


Via a vintage Timken oil heating brochure.

"Delta Shop Units Are Complete Tools"

And to prove it, the 1953 catalog wants to show you that the little woman can even use the drill press.

One of the inset photos shows a woman with the Delta Shop drill press and the text reads, "Easy to swing drill press into position -- no heavy motor to lift. Tool is perfectly balanced."



And isn't that what every 50's man wanted -- a woman in his shop?

But the reality is that the little woman may object to you buying yourself a pricey, manly toy. In order to over-come any protests on her part, be sure to remind her how practical it is: "Mix foods, salad dressings, meringues, paints and similar things with your drill press."

Mmm, the vinegar and oil salad dressing finally has that manly smell & taste Dad loves!


Of course, if your little woman was one who had herself a job during the war, she really might want to use it. So let her use the drill press to clean those pots and pans; it's "one of many types of jobs women will appreciate."

Delta Shop units, complete tools indeed.

How Much Is That Bunny In The Refrigerator?

Yes, Virginia, that's really a bunny-rabbit in a refrigerator. No, it's not a curb-side fridge.

"Why is he in there?!" you ask? Why are you asking me -- do you think I put him in there? Well, if you must know (and who the hell doesn't?) the article reads:

Contented Bunny Demonstrates How Air-Conditioning Works In Modern Ice Refrigerator

A black and white bunny with big gentle eyes and a contented expression attracted more attention at the recent Chicago furniture show than did all the modern sofas and transparent plastic tables shown for the first time.

Sheesh, what bunny wouldn't be more interesting than sofas and plastic tables? Oh, but you see, this is 1943. Apparently plastic tables, transparent or no, are all the rage. But they still can't out-do a bunny in a fridge, you say?

Hey, wait... It's 1943, there's a war on... Is that bunny for eating?

The bunny, prominently featured as "the Contented Rabbit," inhabited the food compartment of a new Coolerator ICE Refrigerator and looked out at the passing throng from a window in its door.

Why shut an innocent live rabbit in in a refrigerator? Because the Contented Rabbit demonstrated to the public in this dramatic manner that there is a constantly-changing flow of pure, fresh, properly-conditioned air within the food compartment of an Ice Refrigerator. If this were not so, the rabbit could not live in the tightly closed food compartment. He would suffocate for lack of air.

Click the scan to read the rest.


From Modern Woman Magazine, "a magazine published by the ice industry", George M. Wessells, Publisher, Volume 12, Number 2, copyright, 1943.

Beware The Reader

Bookplate Junkie shows us how the educated, intelligent reader handles the problem of a bad moving company:

2008's A Leap Year

Antique postcard says it's "A Leap Year Party" but I have no idea what they're doing.

Postcard info: #86, [K] Semi-photo, postmarked 1908

The Alcoholic Blues (Some Blues)

I love my country, 'deed I do
But oh, that war has made me blue.
I like fightin' that's my name,
But fightin' is the least a-bout the fightin' game.
When Mister Hoover said to cut my dinner down,
I never even hesitate, I never frown;
I cut my sugar, I cut my coal,
But now they dug deep in my soul.

I've got the blues -- I've got the blues,
I've got the alcoholic blues.
No more beer my heart to cheer;
Goodbye whiskey, you used to make me frisky.
So long high-ball, so long gin.
Oh, tell me when you comin' back a-gin?
Blues -- I've got the blues Since they amputated my booze
Lord-y Lord-y, war is well -- you know, I don't have to tell--
Oh, I've got the alcoholic blues, some blues -- I've got the blues.

Prohibition that's the name,
Prohibition, drives me insane.
I'm so thirsty, soon I'll die,
I'm simply goin' to 'vaporate, I'm just that dry.
I wouldn't mind to live forever in a trench,
Just if my daily thirst they only let me quench;
And not with Bevo or Gingerale
I want real stuff by the pail.

Copyright 1919 by Broadway Music Corporation. Words by Edward Laska, music by Albert Von Tilzer.

Amy Vanderbilt Success Program Ephemera

The Amy Vanderbilt Success Program For Women was a membership club, like the book of the month club, from Nelson Doubleday. According to this card from the Department Store Division (for the July Selection: Parties With A Theme), membership was run through department stores:

This card is not a bill. Charges for all purchases will be included in your regular statement from the Department Store through which you enrolled for membership.

Members were mailed the latest booklet along with Amy Vanderbilt's Newsletter -- which was several pages of ads.



This example is from 1971, and contains pitches for Pritt Glue Stick, Cutex lip colors, the Museum of Modern Art, and UNICEF Birthday Cards along with info on saving electricity, a recipe, and this interesting note on "Unusual Fabrics":

Whenever I go to Vermont, I try to stop at Putney to visit the home shop of Carol Brown which, for so many years, has featured Irish handwoven tweeds and other fascinating farbrics in materials by the yard, as well as clothing and furnishings. She also has Irish and Scottish shawls, throws, blankets, and stoles, including the delightful little blankets and throws from AVOCA in Ireland. I love the little knee rugs, 38'' x 54'', comfortable to throw over your legs if you're watching TV or to take to sit on at a picnic, or to keep you warm in an open car. Mrs. Brown has a little folder that tells about her shop and what she sells (she is very patient and understanding about selling by mail). Send her a postcard and ask for the folder, saying that you read about her in this newsletter. Her address is: Carol Brown, Putney, Vermont 05346.

This was all I could find on Carol Brown and her shop.

See also my CQ article on How To Be A More Interesting Woman.