Friday, November 28, 2008

Mmmmm...Chicken Poop!

I know that there's a time and a place for reverse psychology, but your mouth ain't it:


"Chicken Poop" lip balm -- and, thankfully, their website points out the fact that there's no actual poop in it. It apparently goes back to an old joke that if you smear something gross on your lips you won't be tempted to lick them, but then I'd expect this stuff would taste like sweat and skunk...nope, "sweet orange", "lavender essential oil", nothing that tastes remotely like poop. Or so I'd expect; I dunno, maybe chicken poop tastes like sweet oranges, I've never tried it. No, and it isn't going to happen. Not ever. (via)

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Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The Queen Of The Senile Girls

In the pages of Women's Circle, May, 1978, comes this feature on one Bonie Merrill.




Bonie (pronounced "Bone-Knee", entertained at hospitals, convalescent homes, social & service clubs, private parties and charity functions for 35 years. Her acts were patterned after some of the Phyllis Diller routines, but Bonie wrote her own jokes & song parodies.

Two years prior to this article (so that's be 1976-ish), Bonie decided she needed a gimmick for one of her song parodies and designed a crazy hat. Eventually she ended up with some 200 hats used in her acts -- hence the article's "Hat Comedy Show" titular use & the photographs.

Deciding that some history would be nice to throw into the shows, she made a trip to the library to study the history of hats -- but "You wouldn't believe how dull the history of hats is, so I invented some history of my own." Here's one of Bonie's jokes, on the origin of ladies' wide-brimmed hats, which audiences supposedly believed:

"Way back in history in some European country, the ladies of the court were always passing gossip by whispering in each other's ears," Bonie explains. "Now the king was jealous because he couldn't hear the gossip and decreed that the ladies would have to wear wide brimmed hats so they'd have to talk louder because they couldn't get their heads close together."

But my favorite quote is this:

"Of course, we have to clean up the act a little, when we are performing for a church group or something like that," Bonie said. "Some of our jokes, songs and routines might be considered a little risque."

While the article doesn't explain it, the teasing, tantalizing comment makes me wonder just what sort of dirty hat jokes &/or song parodies Bonie had.


If you know anything about Bonie, or Barbara Ludwig (piano accompanist) and Frances Harvey (Boni's "favorite stage 'stooge'"), please let me know.

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Monday, November 24, 2008

The Game Of Stickerchief

Found in The Book of Knowledge, Vol XL, The Game Of Stickerchief:

A splendid game that can be played by any number of children is "Stickerchief." It is quite as exciting as hockey or lawn-tennis, and it has the advantage of not requiring expensive balls, racquets, or sticks.

Stickerchief is played with a handkerchief and some short pieces of bamboo, of the sort used by gardeners to hold up tall flowers. A dozen of these bamboos can be bought at any florist's for one shilling.
One shilling? What am I, made of money?

Who compares hockey to lawn-tennis? Well, I might; I find neither "exciting."

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Sunday, November 23, 2008

Don't Mess With The Gene Autry Fans

They know how to pen a scathing letter to the editor.



I wonder how they felt about Autry being being misspelled.

Liberty magazine, February 22, 1941.

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Black Velvet Painting



Sorry the photo's not so great; but black on black isn't as showy as the colorful costume. So if you're going into the black velvet painting business and you need to photograph them for web sales or whatnot, remember you'll probably need special lighting or something.

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What's A Pink Pussycat Worth?

I traded ephemera from the Pink Pussycat to Silent Porn Star (NWS, duh) for some magic beans -- the magic part is 'when' they will arrive *wink* Now she owes me. Big time.

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Yeast, The New Way -- And You'll Like It

You'll like yeast this new way -- um, why is she lifting her leg like that? What kind of yeast are we talking about here?



From Liberty, February 22, 1941.

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Saturday, November 22, 2008

Ida Sweet As Apple Cider


I have no idea if this is Eddie Leonard surrounded by a bevy of 1920 beauties; but the photo is fetching. It's not why I bought it though. I bought it because you can't help but read it as "Ida, sweet as apple cida."

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The Sands Hotel First Annual Domino Tournament

It was held the weekend of April 28-30, 1967. I know -- not because I went to the tournament; I'm not that kind of loser. I know because I have the brochure, complete with registration card. Yup, I'm that kind of loser.



Want it? Make me an offer.

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Friday, November 21, 2008

Out Of Macaroni?

Paint & glue odd metal bits instead.



From McCall's Needlework & Crafts, Spring/Summer 1971.

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Thursday, November 20, 2008

Just Dotty

No, these are not soft squishy helmets for those who already have brain damage, these are stylish Space Age Fashions from the 1960's.


While Jaynie tells us how to wear our hair with hats, such information is irrelevant with these polka dotted wonders. The good news is that even when your mom cut your hair wrong, no one would be able to see it under these.

This post is dedicated to the HATtastic Miss Janey *wink*

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Where Did The National Enquirer Go In 1978?

Sure, I've been mocking the 1979 National Enquirer bits, but have I ever really considered just how far the National Enquirer has gone? No, I don't mean the depths of hell, the limits of decency -- I mean on the map.



All for me!

Oh, the quality reporting! Logging 1,183,338 miles, they went to London to cover the world's first test tube baby and even went to Guyana twice in '78 to cover the Jamestown suicides.

And don't you go thinking they just sent 'reporters' to Alaska to gather information about "secret Soviet psychic research" -- they went to Moscow too.

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Your Seat Is Not A Flotation Device

A page in the 1961 BEA "About Your Flight" booklet, illustrating how to use your life jacket -- stowed under your seat.

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Once, I Could've Learned To Care For Him

But that was ten years ago.


More from Calling All Girls, December, 1945.

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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

For The Love Of Grover

Because I love Grover, I almost bought this old plaster mirror with Sesame Street characters; if Roosevelt Franklin had been on it, I would have. (I may love Grover, but I seriously crush on Roosevelt Franklin. Nothing inappropriate, of course.)

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Mommas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Linda Blair

An article in the February 13, 1979 National Enquirer by Donald McLachlan warns, "Cocaine Sniffing by Celebrities Blamed For Soaring Use of Drugs by Youngsters."

"The kids see photographs of them wearing coke spoons as decorations around their necks. They read of stars like Louise Lasser and Linda Blair getting into trouble over coke... Kieth Richard of The Rolling Stones being arrested in Canada... comedian George Kirby going to jail for dealing it."
And where would the kids of 1979 see such photos and read such stories? Oh yeah, the National Enquirer.

Then again, who believes anything in the National Enquirer?

But if McLachlan and the National Enquirer really believed that peer pressure or the cool-kid factor were so strong, why didn't they stop publishing the stories -- or advise that parents keep the rag away from their kids.

Maybe the National Enquirer should use the tagline: Promoting the coke spoon & harming your kids since (at least) the 70's.

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Get Seduced By Laverne & Shirley

A collection of Laverne & Shirley clips set to the tune of Seduce Me Tonight.



Inspired by Slip of a Girl's Laverne & Shirley post.

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Correcting Ill-Shaped Noses At Home

And where else would you do it?



An ad in Beautiful Womanhood, Edited by Mrs. Bernarr MacFadden, November, 1923.

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Girdle In A Can

Just like Pringles, Playtex once put their products in cans. Which makes sense because many women hear the same popping noise when they take their girdles off. ...Or is that just me?

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A Ming Stole

No, that's not a typo. No, it's not made from Ming The Merciless -- although he would have looked smashing in it. It's a child's faux mink stole.

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Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Hankie History To Sneeze At?

In Modern Woman Magazine (Vol 14, No 5, 1945), a little snippet on hankies:
Historians credit Marie Antoinette with the invention of the pocket handkerchief. She was so broken up at leaving her home in Austria that she cried all the way to France and wiped her eyes with bits of lace torn from her dress and lingerie. Anticipating future tears, she made it a point always to have a piece of lace tucked in a pocket of her dress. This, say the historians, was how handkerchiefs were born.

I don't know if this is true, even if it is said that Marie-Antoinette made an observation that a square handkerchief is most convenient and pleasing, and so King Louis XVI published a decree ordering the new lengths.

In any case, because of this, I do not think it's right that we sneeze, tear, snot or otherwise 'goo' onto hankies with French motifs, including but not limited to, Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, the Statue of Liberty, or French language.



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The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Of 1942

Tales of Manhattan: the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants of 1942. Only about a black formal tailcoat. And for grown-ups.

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Vintage Chalkware Dutch Boy



I bet if he put his finger in a dike, he'd have dissolved quickly.

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Storky-Lork, Storky-Stork

I'm smitten with storks, especially the vintage variety, so you'll forgive me for sharing a nursery rhyme from Holland which seems to be uninspired, poorly translated, or both.

The Stork
Ooievaar

Storky-lork,
Storky-stork,
Steal a twig,
Stork loves babies small and big.

But, oh, isn't the illustration lovely!



In Tales Told in Holland, edited by Olive Beaupre Miller, illustrated by Maud and Miska Petersham, part of the My Travelship series, published by The Book House for Children, Chicago, copyright 1926.

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Monday, November 17, 2008

Like Hover Cars For Kitchens

In 1945, foot pedals were the fantasy future of kitchens.

FOOT PEDALS will operate many of the labor-saving devices which will be ours in the kitchen of tomorrow. Here the housewife prepares vegetables in the future kitchen, while her little daughter has opened a bin which tilts to throw the vegetables forward. By operating the foot pedals for water in the sink, the housewife has her hands free. The splash board back of the sink is self illuminating when raised, and lowers flush with the working bench at right to form a buffet bar.
From What's Cooking For Tomorrow's Kitchens, by Joseph Lawren, in Modern Woman, Vol 14, No 5, 1945' photograph from Libby-Owens-Ford's "Kitchen of Tomorrow".

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Sunday, November 16, 2008

Would You Believe A Talking Dog?

Teach your dog to talk! Record & book tells the whole 'doggone' story.



Ad found in the February 13, 1979 National Enquirer (which explains why the dog looks a lot like Benji).

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Saturday, November 15, 2008

Remember When You Could Smoke On A Plane?

Me neither. But this page inside my 1961 BEA "About Your Flight" Booklet reminds us not only could you smoke on an airplane, but that airlines would actually supply the smokes.

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Friday, November 14, 2008

Butts In The Air, Like They Just Don't Care

Vintage pottery animals with their butts in the air and holes where their tails ought to be.



I only have two, so it's not a collection yet. The cat is a rather popular planter motif and typically they had cactus planted to be their kitty tails. But the dog is more of a mystery -- despite a partial label on the bottom.



The hole is too small for the pup to be a planter; hubby suspects it had a bobble-tail which wagged. The tag reads Little Pete (or, it could be Little Peter), but exhaustive searches have turned up nothing. Know something about Little Pete or his missing tail? Let me know.

Meanwhile, I keep my eyes opened for a third vintage pottery animal with it's hole-y butt up in the air.

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Recognize Me Without The Fruit On My Head?


I'm Carmen Miranda.

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Thursday, November 13, 2008

"Don't You Know There's A Peace On?"

More lingo from the "Jabberwocky and Jive" column in Calling All Girls, December, 1945.

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Wednesday, November 12, 2008

"The Practical Self May Try To Hold You Back"

That's what it says inside this retro brochure for the Movieland Wax Museum. "But," it continues, "let yourself go and time and time again, on every set at Movieland, you'll re-live the most dramatic moments of the screen."



It also says you might find yourself walking among the living stars, as they "regularly visit" the museum. Those who do so, are awarded their own special director's chair (with their own name!) upon their first visit.



I didn't scan the whole thing; but enjoy the pages I did. Or not. It might be creepy even in digital pixels.



Also from my travel and tourism collection; see something you like there, let me know, and maybe I'll scan &/or provide additional details.

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Nothing Warms Them Up Like Baked Goods


Girls Cupcake Scarf Pattern from Jaybird Designs.

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Monday, November 10, 2008

Bertha & Tina Postcard


A cute postcard, unless you find out the truth -- which is more than you likely wanted to know about Bertha & Tina.

From my travel and tourism collection.

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Sunday, November 9, 2008

Keep Your Rings On A Slug

If you have difficulty keeping track of your rings, you can put them on a slug. (They call it a snail, but there's no shell.) I guess the story is that they won't wander off too far. I tried it once, but then my dog rubbed & slid its face along the slug (why do they do that?!) and my rings ended up all over the lawn.

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It's Not My Mom

This looks like my mom, but it's not; this lady's name was Jeri and she was famous. I don't know her. But I do know my mom.



It's a small photo, just like the ones you give away to your friends in school. Only I didn't get this from Jeri herself (I told you I don't know her); I got it with some other vintage photos of famous people. That explains why it's not signed on the back with a note for me to 'stay sweet' (which I did) or how fun I was in math class (which I was).

If you know who this lady is -- even if she's not your mom -- please let me know.

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Saturday, November 8, 2008

Bray-Bray The Donkay

The kids thought this little vintage donkey was the donkey from Pinocchio; we had to explain that back at that time, nearly all donkeys had that huge-ear look.

I, of course, was smitten by the ears -- but it was the remnants of fur on the figurine which made me whine and have the cashier at the thrift store bring her out from behind the glass so I could photograph her. You know she's expensive if she's behind the counter...



Not only is her mane real, but the saddle blanket is cloth. On her belly is a golden sticker stating she's hand painted in Japan, produced by the Ries company. But still, she was priced at $8.99 -- and they don't negotiate at the thrift stores. No matter how much you whine.

:sigh:

She was put away.

Hubby occasionally caves to my whining; that day he gave in. Bray-Bray The Donkay now lives with my other figurines with fur. Wo0t!

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Friday, November 7, 2008

Personalized Banking With Kitschy Checks

I've long been toying with slapping the Kitschy Kitschy Coo poodle on checks (she is just too darn cute!), but the funny thing is, once you start thinking of what you could all put on personalized checks -- and who would see them -- you start to want them in the dozens.

I'd forgo cute kids and corporate logos, and put something seemingly incongruous on them. Something they'd actually look at (and no offense, but other than grandma, who looks at your kids?)

I want something on my checks that would make the envelope opener and the cashier pause and wonder just what kind of person they are dealing with here. And then smile and laugh at it so hard that they have a cute work story to share at the family dinner table -- and maybe even want to break the rules and photocopy the check for show-and-tell. (In some cases, maybe even run to their supervisor and ask if they should really do being business with this person.) Now that's real personal checks.

Of course with this household of kitsch collectors that's a rather long list of possibilities.

If I had to pick just one (which both budget and banker would prefer), I'd go with the "you've been kitsch-slapped" image. I'd love to at least send that message to those I owe money to.

And the thought of some future ephemera collector finding & coveting such a prize is equally delicious.

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Thursday, November 6, 2008

Tinkerbell Pooping A Pearl

This has to be the most hilarious thing I've read today: Is it a cheap-looking gold necklace featuring what looks like Tinkerbell pooping a pearl? Surprisingly, yep, that's Disney.



The article, from The Onion's AV Club is all about identifying the horribly kitschy designs Disney uses in their products, so that there's no mistaking where you bought it from. The sad thing is, the Onion AV Club doesn't understand that pearls ARE actually fairy poop. They should take a science class once in a while.

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Pac Man This

Looking for appliques for an article at Things Your Grandmother Knew (a new blog where I focus more on the vintage living & practical home ec tips & less on the kitsch and snark), I found this pattern for making Pac Man appliques.

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You Put The Spoon Where?

That 70's font tells you which is salt, which is pepper -- and for you drug-damaged folks, where to put the spoon. The end of table manners & etiquette is thus documented.

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The Corn Is Green -- And 1945's Knee-Deep In It

In Calling All Girls (December, 1945), Nancy Pepper, Fashion Editor, has a kitschy column called "Jabberwocky and Jive". This bit is teaches the not-so-cool kids on the cool lingo the kids were using that day based on Hollywood.

Here are some of my favorites (you can click the image to read the larger scan).
B 'n B -- That's what you call them if they're Co-Starring of Going Steady, on account of they're a Bogie 'n Bacall.

HI, VAN--HOW'S JOHNSON? -- Instead of plain "Hi." There are lots of them -- like "Hi, Garson -- how's Pidgeon?"

HEAVENLY HURD -- A smooth boy. Inspired by the Man of your Screams in "Dorian Gray."

CROON ANOTHER, CROSBY -- Means "Tell me more."

THE CORN IS GREEN -- You say that when anyone tells a corny story.

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Wednesday, November 5, 2008

They Made A Tape For That

This tip from a reader, published in The Farmer (Dakota Edition, September 3, 1960), advises the use of cellophane tape for trimming bangs.



But they made a tape for that. I remember it distinctly as "the pink tape with the zig-zag ends which looked like it was cut with a pinking shears"; which meant it was very difficult to find on the Internet. (You're welcome, surfers who are also searching by such memories.)



I think my mom used that tape to make those curls by her ears which were oh-so-fashionable in the 60's. Those curls are called "guiche" -- and apparently each type of curl had a name. So now you can identify which kind of curl it was that that little girl has in the middle of her forehead. (And pray it's not The Fishhook!)

Funny thing is, I don't remember my mom using the tape to cut our hair... And our bangs were often a crooked mess, usually running in a diagonal line along our foreheads. Ah, good times.

Dad said she put a bowl on our heads to give us a trim and that she never bothered to monitor & straighten the bowl. I don't remember that. I just cringe when I see the photos.

If you pester me, I may make the time to find & scan a few for you.

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Kitty Drop Seat Pajamas

Hey, it's cold here already, so I had to look at the Vintage Kitty Drop Seat Long John Pajamas. (Be warned; listing plays music -- ack!)



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How Much For The Heron In The Picture?

Who cares about the slip; I want the funky heron.

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Monday, November 3, 2008

Cuddle & Kitschy Coo The Swan

This ad for Swan Soap & features Joan Davis and CBS as well as mentions Davis as the star of "George White's Scandals", an RKO Radio Picture. I just dig the adorable swan.


The ad appears on the back cover of Calling All Girls, December, 1945.

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She Should Be Blue

"She's dead; wrapped in plastic." OK, so she was (probably) never alive. But I hate to see dolls & stuffed animals wrapped in plastic. Sure, she's more 'valuable' in her original packaging, but she can't breathe.


I don't know which Flora Belle doll by Brinns she is -- other than 'a pink one.' I didn't look at her name. Who knew they made so many pink ones? Not me; with all that air-tight plastic, I thought she'd be blue.

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Mail-Order Monkeys

Man, before the internet and the ability to download 'virtual' crap, you could get all sorts of real things via mail-order:


Yes, squirrel monkeys could actually be mailed to you, in a tiny little box (sundress not included), and you could have a best friend with a prehensile tail. I mean, other than Roger Coulter from 5th period, because he's just creepy. The squirrel monkey was guaranteed delivered alive, so if a dead monkey appeared in your mailbox, you had some sort of recourse. If you wanted two Minneapolis monkeys -- two monkeys!?! -- you could save a fivespot on the deal. Hopefully, you'll be well-prepared for its arrival; otherwise you might end up with angry parents and an arm full of stitches. My ad came from a 1963 issue of McCall's Needlework & Crafts.

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Sucaryl On This

Slenderella, packed by Richmond-Chase Company, featured Sucaryl® -- "the magic sweetener that doesn't add one single calorie". The cutie-patootie in the ad exclaims, "...so finally I tried slenderella low-calorie foods... and look what happened to itty-bitty me!"



I look slimmer when I wear my tablecloths too, bitch.

But seriously... Sucaryl ® is Cyclamate, and was banned in the US for cancer. Which sort of begs the question about just what would be the cause of any weight loss.

If you can stand more strange factoids about Sucaryl®, check this info from Wikipedia:
Like many artificial sweeteners, the sweetness of cyclamate was discovered by accident. Michael Sveda was working in the lab on the synthesis of anti-fever medication. He put his cigarette down on the lab bench and when he put it back in his mouth he discovered the sweet taste of cyclamate.
Just how do lab rats manage to survive at all?

Ad found in The Dakota Farmer, "Dakota's Own Magazine", April 18, 1959.

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Sunday, November 2, 2008

The Room That Is All Wrong

Answers to the How Well Do You Know Your Victorian Rooms? pop quiz.



You thought I forgot, didn't you?

I didn't. I was A) hoping you folks would actually guess & B) I decided this would make an excellent poster for the bathroom -- you know, to give guests something to do while they were just sitting there...

Anyway, posters are now available and so I present the answers from page 3285 in The Book of Knowledge encyclopedias, circa 1910. (In some cases I copied the text direct because it's such a treat to read it as written.)

1 The door by which we enter the room has the finger-plates and handle and keyhole on the wrong side, being against the hinges.

2 The oval picture is hanging from a hook which is placed upside down on the picture-rail.

3 The landscape (next to oval picture) is upside down.

4 The picture hanging inn the corner has no hook at all.

5 The skirting board is reversed.

6 & 7 "We shall be surprised to find that the maid is about to shovel on to the gas-fire some coal she has taken from a coal-scuttle which has quite an impossible handle. The handle is round the bottom of the scuttle in such a way that it could not possibly be swung round for the purpose of lifting the scuttle."

8 The hands of the clock are wrong (the little hand would point to a minute or so past the hour, not before it).

9 & 10 The window fastener is the wrong way around -- and the handle to lift the lower half has been fixed on back to front.

11 The support for the curtain pole is fastened on the top, instead of at the side, which would prevent putting the pole over it.

12 The knob to open the shutter is on the wrong side.

13 "Moving round the room we come against a hassock, the lungs of which are on the sides instead of on the ends. Let us take it up and we shall notice how very awkward it would be if hassocks were always made like this one."

14 "There is something strange about the dog too. It is a spaniel with a collie's tail."

(I guess Victorians weren't fond of mutts.)

15 & 16 The chair has been "very carelessly upholstered" -- the pattern is the wrong way up, the castor has been fixed on wrong and "it would soon break with the weight of anyone sitting in the chair."

17 The floor-boards have been placed in the wrong direction "and what would happen to them underneath the carpet is impossible to say."

How many did you find?

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The Executioner Returns To Popularity

Last week, a thrift store was over-flowing with old-store-stock copies of The Executioner series.



This week, they were all gone.

Lesson learned? That some book dealer thinks the books will sell.

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Our Kids Asked To Be Left Alone, Please

A reminder-slash-warning at one of the local thrift stores to watch your children, or they "will be given an espresso and a free puppy".

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High-Five Fridays
We give High-Fives on Friday -- do you?

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