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If I Were A One Legged Pirate
If I Were A One Legged Pirateby Mildred Plew MeigsIf I were a one-legged pirate Ga-lumping around on a peg, I'd flourish my pistol and fire it; Then, sure as my right wooden leg, I'd buy me a three-decker galleon With cannon to port and to lee, And wearing the king's medallion, I'd head for a tropical sea! Roaring a rough Ha-ha! Ha-ho! Roving the routes of old, Over the billows we would go Sweeping the seas for gold! Plying the lane Of the Spanish Main For Gold! Gold! Gold! If I were a one-legged pirate Ga-lumping around after loot, I'd flourish my pistol and fire it; Then, sure as my red leather boot, I'd buy me a three decker galleon With cannon to thunder a mile, And bucking the sea like a stallion, I'd head for a tropical Isle! Roaring a rough Ha-ha! Ha-ho! Chanting a chantey bold, Over the billows we would blow, Sweepint the seas for gold! Plying the lane Of the Spanish Main For Gold! Gold! Gold! But since I was not born a pirate Ga-lumping around on a stick; And since my toy gun when I fire it Gives out but a little toy click; Pretending my boat is a galleon, My pond is a tropical sea, I'll play I'm an old rapscallion, But really I won't hurt a flea. Roaring my small Ha-ha! Ha-ho! Saying I'm someone bold, Over the duck pond I will go Roving the routes of old; Plying the pond And the stream beyond For Gold! Gold! Gold! Labels: childhood, nursery rhymes, pirates, vintage
Dauntless Dale Isn't Sheep-ish
From Quick magazine, October 31, 1949: "Karen Hutchinson, 2, of Ontario, Cal., simultaneously enjoys a free ride and shows off the prize-winning form of 'Dauntless Dale,' a 1 1/2-year-old Hampshire ram which took Junior Division honors at last year's Los Angeles County Fair. Rams, especially prize winners, don't usual pose so willingly."  Labels: 1940s, childhood, children, old photographs, vintage magazines
The Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee
 The Pirate Don Durk of DowdeeHo, for the Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee! He was as wicked as wicked could be, But oh, he was perfectly gorgeous to see! The Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee. His conscience, of course, was as black as a bat, But he had a floppety plume on his hat And when he went walking it jiggled - like that! The plume of the Pirate Dowdee. His coat it was handsome and cut with a slash, And often as ever he twirled his mustache Deep down in the ocean the mermaids went splash, Because of Don Durk of Dowdee. Moreover, Dowdee had a purple tattoo, And struck in his belt where he buckled it through Were a dagger, a dirk, and a squizzamaroo, For fierce was the Pirate Dowdee. So feaful he was he would shoot at a puff, And always at sea when the weather grew rough He drank from a bottle and wrote on his cuff, Did Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee. Oh, he had a cutlass that swung at his thigh And he had a parrot called Pepperkin Pye, And a zigzaggy scar at the end of his eye Had Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee. He kept in a cavern, this buccaneer bold, A curious chest that was covered with mould, And all of his pockets were jingly with gold! Oh jing! went the gold of Dowdee. His consience, of course it was crook'd like a squash, But both of his boots made a slickery slosh, And he went throught the world with a wonderful swash, Did Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee. It's true he was wicked as wicked could be, His sins they outnumbered a hundred and three, But oh, he was perfectly gorgeous to see, The Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee. From Enchanted Isles, Charles E. Merrill Books, 1954. Written by Mildred Plew Meigs, illustrated by Decie Merwin, via Flickr. Labels: 1950s, books, childhood, illustration, nursery rhymes, pirates, vintage
What's Verrry Intersting?
"Mr. Frog led the angry beaver around to the front of his shop..."
Why Christmas Tights Are Important For Little Girls
"The Potato Babies, And How They Grew"
Like Birthday Hats For Jesus
Storky-Lork, Storky-Stork
I'm smitten with storks, especially the vintage variety, so you'll forgive me for sharing a nursery rhyme from Holland which seems to be uninspired, poorly translated, or both. The StorkOoievaarStorky-lork, Storky-stork, Steal a twig, Stork loves babies small and big. But, oh, isn't the illustration lovely!  In Tales Told in Holland, edited by Olive Beaupre Miller, illustrated by Maud and Miska Petersham, part of the My Travelship series, published by The Book House for Children, Chicago, copyright 1926. Labels: 1920s, books, childhood, children, illustration, nursery rhymes, storks, vintage
The Corn Is Green -- And 1945's Knee-Deep In It
In Calling All Girls (December, 1945), Nancy Pepper, Fashion Editor, has a kitschy column called "Jabberwocky and Jive". This bit is teaches the not-so-cool kids on the cool lingo the kids were using that day based on Hollywood. Here are some of my favorites (you can click the image to read the larger scan). B 'n B -- That's what you call them if they're Co-Starring of Going Steady, on account of they're a Bogie 'n Bacall.
HI, VAN--HOW'S JOHNSON? -- Instead of plain "Hi." There are lots of them -- like "Hi, Garson -- how's Pidgeon?"
HEAVENLY HURD -- A smooth boy. Inspired by the Man of your Screams in "Dorian Gray."
CROON ANOTHER, CROSBY -- Means "Tell me more."
THE CORN IS GREEN -- You say that when anyone tells a corny story.  Labels: 1940s, celebs, childhood, hip lingo, vintage magazines
They Made A Tape For That
This tip from a reader, published in The Farmer (Dakota Edition, September 3, 1960), advises the use of cellophane tape for trimming bangs.  But they made a tape for that. I remember it distinctly as "the pink tape with the zig-zag ends which looked like it was cut with a pinking shears"; which meant it was very difficult to find on the Internet. (You're welcome, surfers who are also searching by such memories.)  I think my mom used that tape to make those curls by her ears which were oh-so-fashionable in the 60's. Those curls are called "guiche" -- and apparently each type of curl had a name. So now you can identify which kind of curl it was that that little girl has in the middle of her forehead. (And pray it's not The Fishhook!) Funny thing is, I don't remember my mom using the tape to cut our hair... And our bangs were often a crooked mess, usually running in a diagonal line along our foreheads. Ah, good times. Dad said she put a bowl on our heads to give us a trim and that she never bothered to monitor & straighten the bowl. I don't remember that. I just cringe when I see the photos. If you pester me, I may make the time to find & scan a few for you. Labels: 1960s, beauty, childhood, retro, vintage magazines
Never Too Much Gay Head
I had to drop another 50 cents, even when hubby thought we already had this -- because you can never have too much Gay Head.  Now, you may be thinking that Dear Gay Head: Letters from the Mail Box answered by Gay Head (aka Margaret Hauser) is just another silly out-dated etiquette book for teens. Well, it is. But that's precisely why I love it. Exhibit A: Q. I wanted to ask a certain girl for a date, but when I talked to a couple of the fellows in the gang about her, they told me she's a "square." I hardly know her, since she's a grade behind me at school, but I still think she's cute. Would I be foolish to go ahead and ask her for a date anyway?
A. You'd be more foolish if you didn't ask her for a date! Changing your mind just because a couple of the fellows said she's a "square" isn't straight thinking at all. Besides, don't you like to make your own decisions?
Why did the other boys call this girl a "square"? Because she doesn't interest them? Because they heard it from someone else? Whatever their reasons, it doesn't necessarily follow that your opinion would be the same as theirs. The only fair way to judge a person is to get to know him or her for yourself.
"Labeling" people is a habit to avoid. Who has the right to say what's genuine and what's synthetic about another's personality? Everyone has good qualities and bad qualities; all individuals have different interests and characteristics. And people value their friends for different reasons, too.
Develop your own beliefs and opinions, and reject unfounded hand-me-downs. You'll not only avoid hurting others needlessly, but you'll gain new respect for yourself. Amazingly hip, that Gay Head. Note the troublesome areas she blithely skipped as she seamlessly melded teen lingo and lecture so that those kids would really hear her. Not to mention the homosexual double entendres! Describe your favorite Gay Head parts and maybe I'll toss an award your way. Labels: 1950s, 1960s, books, childhood, etiquette, hip lingo, romance
The Man Who Never Was -- Until...
Your Homework
From Making Words Work, 1942, a "Thinking about the picture" assignment:  HELLO, JACK!
Thinking about the picture
Is Jack having a good time? How can you tell? What is he doing?
What kind of boy do you think he is? What kind of day is it? Labels: 1940s, books, childhood, children, homework, old photographs, school, toys, vintage
"Gee, Mom, Them's An Important Collection!"
Kitschy Kitschy Coo Flashback
Big Dreams Of The Big-Eyed
You've heard of Big Eyed Art, right? I never owned any big-eyed art, but I did have a crying basset dog bank that I sorely want back.  (Feel free to bid on it and send it to me.) But did you know there was also a big-eyed doll in the 60's -- complete with tear?  Little Miss No Name by Hasbro Toys (1965) was designed by Deet D'Andrade. Little Miss No Name wore a burlap dress, had a hand made for begging, and that large plastic tear... I'm guessing I never heard of her because few little girls wanted to play adopt the homeless begging orphan (Little Orphan Annie had a lovely red dress -- and too much spunk to let herself go like that). Fewer still wanted to plan & play a day in the life of a pitiful waif (also probably why the Kate Moss dolls never came to fruition). But I want her. I'm guessing when I find her, she'll be more expensive that replacing my old retro sad dog bank... But it won't stop me from fancying the two, together, in my office. It's better to have big dreams of big eyed art -- and be left with a giant plastic tear -- then to never have dreamed at all. Labels: 1960s, 1970s, childhood, collecting, cool, dogs, dolls, retro
Loosing Your Lunch - Box
"Kevin Rej's Lunchbox Collection" from Vintage Metal Lunchboxes by Kevin Rej -- go see the rest!  When I was little I had one of those vinyl lunch boxes of Sleeping Beauty. I loved it, no matter how much the vinyl stunk and made my pb&j smell like plastic. But one day on the way home from school I set the lunch box down on the stone wall next to the sidewalk when I stopped to tie my shoe -- and you guessed it, I forgot to pick the lunch box back up. :sigh: I went back for it, but it was gone. Too bad Kevin doesn't collect the vinyl lunch boxes; then maybe he & I could have made a deal. Labels: childhood, collecting, cool, lunch boxes, retro
70's Teen Beauty Diary Entry
In 1975 Teen Magazine advised us to "Go Curly", using our makeup pencils as curlers.  OK, I'll admit that we tried this, my friend Mary & I. We were too young & silly -- hopped up on soda pop, disco music and teenybopper posters from Tiger Beat -- not to know what would happen. Which, in case you didn't see it coming, was the following: - dots & streaks in shades of pink, red, blue & lavender on our faces, ears and necks from the pencils
- pencils so coated in styling gunk they had to be tossed out (no amount of shaving/sharpening could save them because they crusty stuff would transfer to our hands and flake on our faces during use)
- no curls to speak of because we had no clever way to hold the pencils in our hair (we were modern steam-curl girls)
It was an insane, unsanitary, hairy mess; the best thing of which is being able to share this bit from my teen beauty diary with you -- 33 years later. Labels: 1970s, beauty, childhood, retro, vintage magazines
Modern Woman Mondays: Still Not A Suzy Homemaker
I'll admit I've been more than a bit smitten with Suzy Homemaker ever since I found out she wasn't just some phrase my mom made up; so when I spotted the oven at a trip to the thrift shop this weekend, I was very tempted.  The $39.99 price tag removed the possibility. But still, I am going to have to get one so that one of these days I can fire it up and see how it compares to the Easy-Bake Oven. For science, you know.  Labels: 1960s, childhood, collecting, Modern Woman Mondays, retro, toys
GPK Card Comment
Scanning & uploading over 100 retro Garbage Pail Kids cards for an article there, I was somehow struck by the back of one card, featuring a re-run of the old Topps' Slob Wanted Poster:  Also guilty of the following crimes--
*Attracting Vermin From As Far Away As Afghanistan Think what you will. I'm just sayin'... Labels: 1980s, childhood, kitsch, retro
It's Always Something: Teen Dares Of 1971
In January of '71, Teen dared us to do some radical things, like decorate our rooms, to use Kool-Aid labels to decorate our shoes...  And to braid our hair, Bo Derek style -- in precisely 20 braids. I did that once. Well, I had my sister braid my hair, using those tiny rubber bands which were supposed to be for our braces; and I don't think we ever bothered to count the braids... Anyway, while I looked nothing like Bo, I wore my hair thus to the one and only car race I went to. On a dirt track. I was so bored, and annoyed by being sprayed with dirt every turn, that I busied myself with unbraiding my hair, and soon looked like Roseanne Roseannadanna.  Just imagine trying to wash the chunks of dirt out of that. Like the two-tone lip freak-fest, I do not advise the braiding of hair; it can lead to drinking the Kool-Aid proffered by cults. But then, hey, your sister can make some cool shoes. Labels: 1970s, beauty, childhood, fashion, retro, vintage magazines, weird
Craft-Scan Friday: Get Yer Space-Age Santas Here
Remember the 60's and how they promised us a future of hover cars and jet-pack travel? Well, some of us do, anyway. The rest of you can put down your Tommee Tippee cups and see why the rest of us all believed so hard. See, our moms were busy creating space-age Christmases. Just like Ethel Peterson who had covered the face of her clock (now at a thrift shop near you) with a half-circle of gold-flocked cardboard. "Stars, pasted onto the blue crepe paper, give 'sky' effect."  Pretty potent stuff, merging forever, the idea of travel, space, and free gifts. Here Santa rides a rocket -- which they call a "jet" ("cut from linoleum rolls and covered with shelf paper, then painted"). Not only better than that, a reindeer rests on the rings of Saturn.  What the heck can be better than typing "a reindeer rests on the rings of Saturn"? Seeing it. I can't wait to make hundreds for next year's holiday craft fair. Labels: 1960s, childhood, Christmas, Craft-Scan Fridays, crafting, decorating, Ghosts of Christmas Past, planes, retro, space, vintage magazines
Just Like A Man -- And A Woman
Just Like A Man was a Family Circle column by Byron Fish; the following appeared in the November 1964 issue of the magazine.  A boy can't learn too soon that in math, as in most subjects, there is a male and a female way to work things out. After a lesson in feminine-gender arithmetic my son figures that when it comes to higher powers of reasoning, men are squares. First up, gender punctuation:  "You are inquiring into a mystery unsolved by man. From the time a female learns to write, she is convinced that exclamation points were invented to be used. She even feels they will go to waste unless they are put into sentences." That's so not true!! Regarding ellipsis... The boy asks, "How about those dots in there?" The father responds: Dots sometimes are used for a specific purpose in the neuter, or masculine, gender. If you find a long row of them apparently just thrown in, they are feminine gender." My husband would have a field day with this... He abhors my continual use of ellipsis... I, in return, must counter by pointing out that this article is proof that everything is considered masculine unless noted as feminine (and that feminine is lower in status). I'm just sayin'...  "Men teachers probably are told during their training to allow for the more complicated punctuation by girl pupils." :sigh: I suppose I should just be happy there was no mention of retarded or intolerant women teachers. Then again... no mention of female teachers is rather sexist -- I mean, "It's rather sexist!" Now we move onto gender in 'rithmetic.  The boy gets the correct answer, but dad makes an ambiguous statement...  So dad needs to explain female math.  "Particularly if he is married." Yuck it up, Byron.  Oh, and it all ends with a cute little story of the little woman besting "daddy". How quaint. :snarl: If you'd prefer to read the column in its entirety as it appeared:   Labels: 1960s, childhood, humor, school, sexist, vintage magazines
Bedtime with Blackout and Jocko
The Date Line, 1957
Thirteen Points Along "The Date Line"
The Date Line: Facts & Fancies for the Girl in School, by Jan Landon, as it appeared in the November 1957 issue of Good Housekeeping.   #1 Boys in bottles.  Boys in bottles are a flash fad in Kansas... to get a pickled effect like this, girls back the picture with cardboard, brace them with clothes-hanger wire, and float them in colored water... others just paste glossy prints inside the bottle with rubber cement -- either way is pretty eerie while it lasts. Ya think?  Amazingly, the photo of a bottled-boy is credited to Dare Wright. (I have a huge crush on Dare Wright and her works-- so does Slippity-Do-Da.) #2 All the, er, cool girls are doin' it...  That outgrown game, pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, is roaring back in a new Southern version" "Pin-the-sideburn-on-Elvis." !..... I wonder if it continued with fat-Elvis too? Girls in the south, who were learning to deep-fat-fry any and all foods, must have continued to love Fat Elvis, right? #3 I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed to be from Wisconsin...  In Wisconsin they say the girl's "got him drafted" when the boy's hooked... How cheesy. #4 I'm beginning to suspect this groovy knowledge isn't for "the girl in school", but for her parents... Like some sort of "how to understand your teenager" and "learn the lingo" advice column.  "It's been a hunk of heaven, but I think I'll jump for earth," means the party, evening, or romance is over. #5 Of course, every school girl wants to know how the ultra glam college girls are wearing their sweaters...  #6 For the cool girl in school, tips on making an autograph belt. Ingredients are as simple as the sideburn-pinning-girls are: a plain, wide leather belt and press-on gold-leaf.  Next they giveth, then taketh... A crafty idea and then an equally crafty insult. #7 First a DIY tip for using clothesline rope, painted in bright enamel paint to make "un-run-of-the-mill" necklaces for "medallions". Take that crafty tip and choke on it.  #8 Don't like that insult? How about this insult then: "Your mother must have bought you with green stamps!" It is the latest insult. (It may seem weird for a ladies' magazine to give insult tips -- but what sort of person actually takes such advice?) #9 This next one makes me feel better about being a cheesy Wisconsin girl; at least I'm not from Texas. Every rooter pops a blown-up paper bag at the kick-off of special games at Amarillo High, Texas  #10 But still, Texas girls are less icky than these girls... Right after the Chicopee High, Mass., teams wins a big game, girls beg boys for, of all things, the chin straps of their football helmets... straps are prized collectors' items, hung like trophies on bedroom walls. Hey, don't say, "Of all things," because heaven knows a sweaty chin strap worn by a pimply lad is leagues better than other straps -- begged for or not. #11 This next bit features "grab-bag evenings", heh heh. Oh wait -- it's not quite the snarky fun it sounds like... The 'grab-bags' aren't ugly girls after all.  "Grab-bag evenings" eliminate squables on group dates in St. Louis... instead of arguing about restaurants and movies, they put ads of all possible choices in two boxes, one for movies, one for restaurants -- everybody goes to the spots drawn by a blindfolded girl. And that's how Muffy ended up blindfolded in the back of Dale's dad's Buick. Honest. #12 Little black books weren't enough...  "Fix-up files" are made by Midwest girls to simplify arranging blind dates... they're wallet albums of their girl friends' pictures with statistics and interests listed on the back for the benefit of inquiring boys... Those 1957 Midwest girls were slutty, pimping their friends; I feel even prouder now. #13 More fashion advice you need to take -- like a slap in the face:   #14 Yup, a bonus.  An endearing twist in envelope inscriptions is being revived in the Midwest... on letters to girls, boys add a phrase above the address so that it reads like this:
Oh, how I
Miss Sandra Smith
64 Middlefield Rd.
etc., etc., Gawd, no wonder those boys needed help soliciting dates. Then again, maybe that "Oh, how I" was code for something. #15 Don't complain -- you need more tips on how to understand what your peers are saying to you:  "Face in the crowd" is new for someone who'll pass with a shove... I need that translated, actually. If you have "the rare disease," you haven't had a date for ages. No comment. Hubby makes me keep this PG-13 and I think that line is rife with enough innuendo as it is. Well, as the cook kids say, it's been a hunk of heaven but I think I'll jump for earth now.Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen ParticipantsLabels: 1950s, childhood, crafting, dating, Elvis, fashion, hip lingo, sexist, Thursday Thirteen, vintage magazines
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