Kitschy Kitschy Coo

Modern Woman Monday: Get Myself A Girl Like You

2008-05-12T04:57:00.004-05:00

An old promotional invitation for the After Easter Ball, arranged by the White Lily Socials, at the Bahn Frei Turn Hall, Sat. Eve., April 13, 1912.

Printed on the back, is the following cheeky and charming song:

I've Got to Go and Get Myself a Girl Like You

Little Miss Muffet sat down on a tuffet, whatever a tuffet may be,
When young Sammy Snyder sat down right beside her and spoke unto her soothingly;
Be quite alarmless, for I am quite harmless,
But I saw you were human like me,
So I thought I might sit and look at you a bit,
And this is the answer, said he,
The more of you I see
The more my heart tells me:
REFRAIN:

I've got to go and get myself a girl like you,
That's some job to do,
For they come feew, but believe me,
If I can't find one just like you,
I don't care who you belong to,
I'll come right back again,
Right straight back again and steal you.

Little Miss Muffet stood up on her tuffet, and said, Vas is los mit your head,
You're feverish, mercy, run right home to nursie and tell her to put you to bed;
Where can you find sir, a girl of my kind, sir,
If your optics could "op" you would see,
That while boys will be boys and while girls will be girls,
There is only one me, and that's me.
Said he, I guess that's so
But still I guess I'll go.

Hoidy Toidy

2008-05-10T22:32:00.005-05:00

My, how toilet seat technology has improved: today, you can get barbed wire embedded in them, or get ones that add unimaginable degrees of functionality of your regular toilet, but in the sixties you just had appliques:

Realize: this ad is a full-page in the Home Modernizing Guide, full-color, towards the beginning...it cost a lot of scratch to get your fractal fleur-de-lis in front of someone just dying to replace their already uncomfortable hard toilet seat with something exactly the same -- except for a little image on the cover. This, in 1965, was "a step up to a new high in bathroom elegance" -- which leads me to believe that American Standard thought the previous level of bathroom elegance was simply having a toilet seat to cover the hole.

Yup, that's all of them -- "delicate sea horses...gay bouquets...golden fleur-de-lis...handsome arabesque arrangements" -- molded into the cover with raised detail, so that as you're scrubbing the seat down you won't rub off the sea horses. I don't think I've ever lived used a potty with pictures on the seats; any sort of brownish, greenish details are off-putting to me, but those seem to be the key colors here. In the sixties and seventies, harvest gold and olive green were de rigeur home interior colors, but I can't imagine why anyone thought they'd be good toilet colors. I guess I shouldn't talk; our toilet seat is a plain-old white model...if only I could rub my bare butt on one of these fine examples of bathroom elegance, I'd change my tune.

What Do The Insane Prefer On The Radio?

2008-04-22T22:02:00.003-05:00

Here, from a 1938 Radio Guide, we have a pre-Nielsen cross-section of American listeners: the inhabitants of insane asylums.

In first place is, of course, Burns and Allen -- and I don't think you had to be crazy to find them hilarious, but it helped. In second place, H. V. Kaltenborn, the respected radiojournalist, whose commentary show apparently spoke to those who are usually only spoken to by people in their own heads. Bringing up the rear, Guy Lombardo and his orchestra, their dance-hall tunes soothing the savage breast.

I doubt, if I were a radio personality, I'd ever want a radio magazine to explain my popularity as having anything to do with insanity. Granted, at the time things like homosexuality, sexually-liberated women, and writing inflammatory pamphlets would get you tossed into the booby-hatch, so you can't count the listeners as all giant-rabbit-channelers.

A critical eye will note that each of these entries hails from the CBS studios, and the notes describing the 'winners' is rather average advertising copy. Why CBS would entertain the notion of promoting their shows in the guise of 'sanitariums love us!', I can't say -- although there's the possiblity that a competitor, when approached for such a thing, said, "hey, we'll pay you double if you put CBS shows in there."

Modern Woman Monday: More Vintage Cookbooks

2008-04-21T04:20:00.001-05:00

Serving Up Vintage Recipes: Collecting Cook Books, by Val Ubell.

No Trash In The Future

2008-04-13T22:05:00.006-05:00

I've got a 1962 "Municipal Index" -- it's essentially a catalog of manufacturers of street sweepers, steamrollers, fireplugs, and other things cities need. Most of the ads are boring, showing crap like 'features' and 'details' -- and then I run across this one from United Metal Receptacle Corp:

The implication is that, in the future, people won't recognize a freakin' trash can. I expect she's got Burger King 3000 back at home showing the kids how to use a fork and knife. As advertising goes, it serves its purpose: I'll remember the ad, and remember why it looks that way, but it implies that in the future, women can become archaeologists but they'll be dumb as posts. Smokin' hot, but dumb as posts. Thanks, 1962, for this lesson in feminism.

High-Five Fridays #13

2008-04-11T13:20:00.002-05:00

1)In today's ear worm news... Got La Cucaracha stuck in your head? Finding out what the song means may not be key to getting rid of it, but you should understand what you are humming. (And if it's not stuck in your head, it will now! You're welcome.)

2) I'd like to thank all those who've been participating in my CQ interview project.

Here's a bit from co-conspirator Collin:

Collin David: (Sure, you know him from this very blog; but sometimes it’s fun to also be the interviewee. He also can be found at his own blog, ResonantFish.com, and in the CQ Community.)

#1 Among other things: I primarily collect Batman stuff and action figures of all kinds. Secondary (but still scary) collections include vinyl records, art, robots, squid, DVDs and videos, trade paperback comics, Legos, gaming miniatures, trading cards, all kinds of books, scrap pieces of plastic, wood, metal and beyond, instruments. I’m actually slimming down a bit due to space concerns. And when I say ‘concerns’, I mean ‘am I going to be crushed in the night?’

3) A high-five for Silent Porn Star's mention on Dancing With The Stars (NWS) (even if it was an odd coincidence, not a real plug).

4) We like random factoids, especially when they're fun.

5) Speaking of buses...

Thanks to brasmeta01 for posting it.

Want to give high-fives too? Participation is a lot like Thursday Thirteen, only your post is links to who and what you like. (Plus, it's only 5 instead of 13!)

Find out how to give your High-Five Fridays here!

The purpose of this meme is to give high-fives to 5 people, posts, blogs and/or websites you've admired during the week. I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 5 high-fives on Friday. Trackbacks, pings, linky widgets, comment links accepted!

Visiting fellow High-Fivers is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your High-Fives in others comments (please note if NWS).

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Craft-Scan Friday: Get Yer Space-Age Santas Here

2008-04-04T21:57:00.002-05:00

Remember the 60's and how they promised us a future of hover cars and jet-pack travel? Well, some of us do, anyway. The rest of you can put down your Tommee Tippee cups and see why the rest of us all believed so hard.

See, our moms were busy creating space-age Christmases. Just like Ethel Peterson who had covered the face of her clock (now at a thrift shop near you) with a half-circle of gold-flocked cardboard. "Stars, pasted onto the blue crepe paper, give 'sky' effect."

Pretty potent stuff, merging forever, the idea of travel, space, and free gifts.

Here Santa rides a rocket -- which they call a "jet" ("cut from linoleum rolls and covered with shelf paper, then painted"). ~~Not only~~ better than that, a reindeer rests on the rings of Saturn.

What the heck can be better than typing "a reindeer rests on the rings of Saturn"? Seeing it. I can't wait to make hundreds for next year's holiday craft fair.

Meat-za Pizza

2008-04-04T21:43:00.002-05:00

Some assembly required; not available in all 50 states.

(Tell us how to serve and eat that, Louella!)

"Lowbrow, No-Brow, Pop Surrealism" -- Our Kind Of Thing

2008-04-04T21:33:00.003-05:00

From Brooklyn Dispatches, by James Kalm:

“You know, I’m completely ignorant of that artist’s work. I try not to pay any attention to art history.” I heard these words from a slight, young European artist, a lock of hair strategically hanging across his left eye, just frazzled enough to be chic. I wanted to smack him upside the head; thought better, maybe just a headlock and some nuggies. It wasn’t like I was talking to him about some cult figure from Albania or Bushwick. I was referring to Robert Rauschenberg, the Robert Rauschenberg. I’d bumped into this kid after closing time on a Sunday afternoon in the “Killing Room” at a Williamsburg gallery.

Where the following video can be found...

James Kalm ventures out east to visit an exhibition which melds the influences of Graffiti, Surrealism, science-fiction illustration and cartoon art titled "Pop Subversion". Curated by Andrew Ford, this exhibition inhabits an undefined realm that many young artists currently find themselves in, between the street and the gallery, the comic book and the hallucinatory dream. Features an extended interview with Andrew Ford.

High-Five Fridays #12

2008-04-04T16:13:00.003-05:00

1) Giving back linky love to Tom McMahon for reading here.

2) Props must go to Boing Boing for noting how cool I am (even if it was for the dolls in a dead tree post at CQ) -- it still counts, and I'm still cool. (And thanks to William at Hang Fire Books for getting it there.)

3) Linky love, with many returns, to Learning To Share.

4) Ditto PCL LinkDump.

5) And more linky love to & from Jenn Beyer.

Want to give high-fives too? Participation is a lot like Thursday Thirteen, only your post is links to who and what you like. (Plus, it's only 5 instead of 13!)

Find out how to give your High-Five Fridays here!

Visiting fellow High-Fivers is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your High-Fives in others comments (please note if NWS).

Find more High-Five Friday folks here!

Retro Manners Refresher

2008-04-03T06:39:00.000-05:00

(The First) Thirteen Comments On Social Awareness Tips

"From Refresh Your Table Manners", by Luella Cuming, 1964 Family Circle.

1-5 Rules for informal meals:

At an informal seated meal the hostess may pass dishes from a serving cart at her immediate left; she then serves herself last.

Jeeze, I'd hate to see the formal rules. What direction does the hostess pass? Does it suck to be left-handed then, and if so, does it suck more than serving yourself last when you know there's not going to be enough because the husband brought home 3 extra buddies?

The cart holds a water pitcher, extra silver, glasses, napkins, and any other items that may be needed during the meal. If an item is dropped by a guest, the hostess replaces it from the cart without comment.

Without comment you say... That would kill quite a bit of dinner conversation, wouldn't it? And in my family, we'd drop 'em on purpose, just to force a comment.

If you drop your fork and the hostess doesn't notice, you may use any other fork that is there -- or, without explanation, say to your hostess, "May I please have a fork?"

I agree; if the hostess doesn't notice you (how rude!), by all means, grab the meat serving fork and start shoveling.

Ever notice how the lowly spoon and knife are left out of the discussion? I'd say 67% of all utensils dropped at the table are knives.

Or maybe it's some sort of passive-aggressive thing in my family and the knives aren't really 'dropped' at all...

Movin' on...

6 Passing Food

When you help yourself to food or pass it, hold the dish from underneath so that you do not leave fingerprints on the rim.

(Will keep this PG-13. Will keep this PG-13...)

7 Hey, look, the etiquette lady apparently doesn't believe in grammar; there is no period or other punctuation at the end of most of these tips.

8-10 Yeah, Luella is only on tip number 3, but then I told you that this was 13 comments on the tips; so I'm way ahead of her.

In buffet dining, the hostess stands beside the table and encourages shy guests or offers to serve them.

You have guests too shy to eat? Isn't this one of those survival of the fittest things where we should just let nature take its course?

And what side does the hostess stand on?

Do not overload your plate; it looks unattractive and is hard to manage.

Was this 1964 B.C. -- Before Chinet?

This, though, would explain the shy people who wonder how much food on a plate is unattractive.

11-13 And now for your holy crap moment...

In table manners there are many accepted forms, all equally correct. For example, the continental fashion of eating

The continental fashion of eating? That's how people eat breakfast at hotels, right?

and the zigzag style are equally proper.

Um... Time for a little help here.

OK, I do not zigzag; I am officially a continental styled gal.

If you have your own tradition, try to develop its fine points. The suggestions here are in a widely accepted American tradition

What? No mention of how piggy eats?! Well, I guess that American tradition -- or at least its finer points -- really didn't come into full acceptance until Ralphie's brother Randy showed us in a Christmas Story in 1983.

To be continued...

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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The Anti-Modern Woman Monday Post

2008-03-31T03:12:00.003-05:00

In 1931 "M.C." sent a letter to the editor of The New York Times, 'respectfully' suggesting that "the militant suffrage movement, now on the rampage in England, be referred to as 'The Reign of Error'."

Via Silent Porn Star (NWS).

Beautify Your Knob

2008-03-29T12:56:00.000-05:00

Ah, doorknobs: today, we've returned to simple efficiency -- but back in the 1950s, style went into everything, all the way down to the knobs. Just look at that huge molded star surrounding an otherwise plain knob -- it looks like if you grab the doorknob wrong, you're risking a slashed palm and one less finger than you're accustomed to. Extreme care was needed when opening doors in the fifties. Here's some close-ups of other examples:

I'm rather disappointed at how they cheated: there's only 5 distinct plates here...they rotated the square one 45°, they added a background for the rectangle grid and star. I can't imagine these are the only options -- there had to be something at least as gaudy. It's sad to think that these were so utterly, overpoweringly 1950s, that they all went in the dump shortly thereafter. I don't think I've ever seen any of these in the wild, and I've been to a lot of ugly houses. The clean lines of modernism killed off all the fun.

Crappy VHS Covers - HUNDREDS of 'em!

2008-03-27T22:37:00.002-05:00

When I was a kid, my mom worked at several different video rental stores during the 80s. As one might expect, I spent a lot of my time in these stores, browsing the shelves, looking at the covers, trying to understand the lurid and titillating R-rated movie covers...and, in case you don't remember, there was so much crap available on video, it was hard to pick the good from the horrible. Nowadays, you go to Blockbuster or Hollywood and they've got shelves full of big-name movies and DVD box sets of TV shows, things proven to be money-draws, and very little of the USA Up All Night variety. You can't find rows and rows of the videos found below any longer, unless you've still got a mom-and-pop owned video store on your block that understands the value of some good schlock.

This website, despite being heavily European in origins (which adds to the fun) has dozens upon dozens of scans of VHS video covers; most are naughty in very European ways (be careful if you're clicking from your place of employment), and they lean largely towards bloody and sexy...preferably both if available.

Have A Coolie Christmas

2008-03-26T18:01:00.003-05:00

All you thought you had to worry about was your neighbor with the black lawn jockey...

Included in the Pacific Palisades Holiday Tour was this exotic outdoor decoration that blends East and West. Set on an outdoor patio, the antique rickshaw carries a Santa Claus figure and a collection of brightly wrapped Christmas gifts.

The coolie figure was made of papier mache with an Oriental mask face under his collie hat. This holiday display decorates the home of Mr. and Mrs. James Kalasardo of Pacific Palisades.

Found in the 1959, Better Homes & Gardens' Christmas Ideas.

When Your Plastic Pine Needles Fall...

2008-03-25T23:50:00.003-05:00

Here's another version of a tissue paper flower tree, made on last year's tree frame.

Yes, "another version" -- because in this 1959 holiday magazine there's a more, err, traditional tree with tissue paper flowers. I don't honestly know if there is such a thing as a traditional tissue paper blossom decorated Christmas tree... But the other one is huge and I'm saving that one for holiday time. So you get this "diminutive" version, "just right to decorate a dining room or entrance hall table".

I'm not very surprised to find such a "spring posies on a Christmas tree" project; but I am surprised that the last year's artificial tree was plucked of the plastic needles so quickly...

Just in case you need to recycle your artificial tree -- and don't find tissue paper trees anything to sneeze at, here's the pattern & instructions.

Knit Your Own Space Helmet

2008-03-25T21:46:00.003-05:00

How sad that, during the sixties, the Soyuz program required its Cosmonettes to knit their own helmet liners:

I can't imagine this was ever comfortable or warm: just look at where the wool touches. Under the chin -- wear a sweater turtleneck, you can at least pull it away or wear something underneath it; in this case, you need it cinched tight. The 'earflaps' go right up to the corner of the eye. A little bit of cat fur on my face drives me crazy, let alone rubbing the only textile made from tiny, tiny needles against the edges of my eyelid. Maybe she knitted her iPod earbuds right into that thing and that's the appeal. It sure ain't the appeal of looking like an astronaut reject.

Will She Make Underpants From Maps Of France?

2008-03-25T13:34:00.001-05:00

Artist Elisabeth Lecourt uses maps of cities to create clothes (to put on your walls, not your bods).

Via Craftzine Blog.

Modern Woman Monday: 1000 Ways To Make Yourself Beautiful

2008-03-24T16:03:00.003-05:00

This book jacket proclaiming, "A Thousand Ways to Make Yourself Beautiful!" is from the 1940 Hollywood Glamour Cook Book, by Mariposa.

This book will disclose to you the Beauty Secrets of the Movie Stars. You, too, can be "most divinely fair," as irresistible as your favorite Glamour Queen. Imagine the thrill of hearing someone say about you, "Isn't she Glamorous, isn't she lovely!"

You can find out more about my obsession with Mariposa in my article at Collectors' Quest. (And I welcome any knowledge you have about her!)

Sittin' On My TV Tuffet

2008-03-22T00:33:00.000-05:00

From a 1955 Osco Drug ad; I'm still of an age where "drug store" meant "cheap department store," not "pharmacy and nothing else." You went to the drug store to buy comics, tap on the goldfish tanks, talk Mom into a pack of fake money and a squirt gun (because the allowance was being saved for comics, of course), oh, and Mom might need to find aspirin, band-aids, and nylons. Anyhow, this ad informs us that the drug store had an ample supply of this amazing piece of furniture: Tough, Rugged, Covered With Washable Plastic -- The TV Tuffet from Meljax!
These high-grade pieces of furniture came in numerous fashion colors that matched any decor: red, blue, yellow, and green. And you could get one of three different images silkscreened on the back: a cowboy, a Raggedy Ann, and a poorly-balanced elephant. As any parent of multiple children knows, these options aren't just for aesthetic purposes: the possibility of 12 combinations of color and picture means you're unlikely to buy identical chairs for any of your kids. If you've got two girls and a boy, you get a red Raggedy Ann, a blue Raggedy Ann, and a green Cowboy; simple as pie! And, in the fifties, you were willing to accept that the plastic was going to crack and split within a couple days of the chairs getting home, but the kids got used to the duct tape on their high chair, they can deal with duct tape on their tuffet. It was almost half-price even, marked down to $2.99 from $5.95.

Most amazing, and appropriate to the time, were the multiple uses of the tuffet -- you could, of course, watch TV, but it could also be used as a booster chair at the dinner table and in the car. Yes, look at that smiley kid at the bottom, relaxing seatbeltless with his hands behind his head, nary a care in the world -- you know, that care-free look you had shortly before you awaken to find teeth marks in the vinyl dashboard, blood seeping from one nostril, and a throbbing headache. Ah, the fifties were a wonderful time for children!

High-Five Fridays #10

2008-03-21T11:04:00.000-05:00

Less kitschy, but still eyebrow raising...

1) Hitler and the Seven Dwarfs likely needs some sort of an introduction (if you haven't heard about it yet), but I like to make you curious enough to click.

2) A beautiful (and slightly creepy) vintage tablecloth with the embroidered signatures of British WWII prisoners.

Too cool for school...

3) Slippity-do-da's Very Draining Post, Indeed.

4) KKC was Found in Mom's Basement. (How'd we get in her mom's basement?)

5) A high-five to Marty Weil for his patience during my interview with him at CQ.

Want to give high-fives too? Participation is a lot like Thursday Thirteen, only your post is links to who and what you like. (Plus, it's only 5 instead of 13!)

Find out how to give your High-Five Fridays here!

Visiting fellow High-Fivers is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your High-Fives in others comments (please note if NWS).

Find more High-Five Friday folks here!

Chicky-Chicky-Coo

2008-03-20T07:42:00.003-05:00

You're time is running out --- Easter us just around the corner, and you haven't gotten your chicks yet? Today, you're going to get into trouble for buying baby animals just for Easter entertainment. Back in the day, there were enough farming families around with easy access to chicks to make dyeing them for Easter a popular event; they'd be kicked back out into the barnyard when Easter passed. Now, you get rich urbanites think that fun looks awfully cute, and try to bring the practice to town...leaving unhappy birds and bunnies with no good home. These ads from 1952 were for farmers, to bulk up their livestock inventory, and I suppose a couple got a dose of beet juice on Good Friday; let's hope none found their way into the cities, lest Joey and Chandler take them in!

Funky Science In The Kitchen

2008-03-20T00:50:00.003-05:00

Fred Equal Measure Measuring Cup tells you those hard to find measurements such as the volume of half a human brain, volume of one human breath, water in a cumulus cloud the size of a bus, and the amount of table salt in a large human...

I have no idea what you're making, but the kids & I will love it.

What Sci-Fi Folks Were Up To In 1959

2008-03-19T22:31:00.001-05:00

From SaFari, issue #2, a sci-fi fanzine by Earl Kemp, part of a series of fanzines Kemp published for the Spectator Amateur Press Society, or SAPS (SAPS # 48). Follow the links and you'll see the accompanying photos.

Included are Harlan Ellison, Wilson Tucker and Robert Bloch.

Just Like A Man -- And A Woman

2008-03-19T21:24:00.004-05:00

Just Like A Man was a Family Circle column by Byron Fish; the following appeared in the November 1964 issue of the magazine.

A boy can't learn too soon that in math, as in most subjects, there is a male and a female way to work things out. After a lesson in feminine-gender arithmetic my son figures that when it comes to higher powers of reasoning, men are squares.

First up, gender punctuation:

"You are inquiring into a mystery unsolved by man. From the time a female learns to write, she is convinced that exclamation points were invented to be used. She even feels they will go to waste unless they are put into sentences."

That's so not true!!

Regarding ellipsis...

The boy asks, "How about those dots in there?"

The father responds:

Dots sometimes are used for a specific purpose in the neuter, or masculine, gender. If you find a long row of them apparently just thrown in, they are feminine gender."

My husband would have a field day with this... He abhors my continual use of ellipsis...

I, in return, must counter by pointing out that this article is proof that everything is considered masculine unless noted as feminine (and that feminine is lower in status). I'm just sayin'...

"Men teachers probably are told during their training to allow for the more complicated punctuation by girl pupils." :sigh: I suppose I should just be happy there was no mention of retarded or intolerant women teachers.

Then again... no mention of female teachers is rather sexist -- I mean, "It's rather sexist!"

Now we move onto gender in 'rithmetic.

The boy gets the correct answer, but dad makes an ambiguous statement...

So dad needs to explain female math.

"Particularly if he is married." Yuck it up, Byron.

Oh, and it all ends with a cute little story of the little woman besting "daddy". How quaint.

:snarl:

If you'd prefer to read the column in its entirety as it appeared: