13 Funky Images & Kitschy Phrases From A Vintage Dry Cleaning Booklet

13 Funky Images & Kitschy Phrases From A Vintage Dry Cleaning Booklet
(And It's Cooler Than You Think!)

All images & quotes are from the November 1953 issue of Silhouette, a promotional paper pushing (surprise!) dry cleaning.

1)

2) Two For Dreaming was a feature on holiday gowns.



3) It features a poetry-jam which romanticizes fashion as it eroticizes & enslaves women:

It starts with Thanksgiving... the party nights that are strung like glittering jewels on a chain... ending only when the echoes of the New Year have faded to silvery whispers. You will spin across polished floors--the answer to someone's most intimate dreams--in the timeless femininity of a beautiful ball dress. You will choose white for its kinship to new-fallen snow... or pale blue for tis affinity to a wintry scene. And you will see that your lovely gown does things for you... like moulding your bodice with a tempter's touch... whirling your skirt for the grace of the dance... making you the most distinguished memory a man can know.

Damn, that's hot. So hot that I don't really register all the "you will" commands as I am brainwashed into wanting a beautiful ball gown... and to polish those floors. Just to be the answer to someone's most intimate dreams!

I will choose white.

Or pale blue. I haven't quite decided yet.

But then there are other choices.

4) Like what to do about fur... It's a VIP (very important pelt), and even if I go faux, there are many things to consider. Like which ones are kindest to my dry cleaner. Thank goodness I can read Fashion Moves Furward for some help. (And more puns!)

5)



6) In Hair Today... Glamour Tomorrow, by Eleanor Page Hamilton, I get more than the usual tips for setting curls and figuring out how to part my hair for my face shape -- I get this gem:

Arthur "Bugs" Baer -- and I quote -- says, "Nothing drabbles a doll more than soggy bangs." He claims he knows a gal who has such a neurosis about this that she wears a rubber bathing cap whenever she makes cocktails. Okay, so maybe she is a character!

I can't possibly add anything to that. Really. Just feel free to work all of that into conversation at your Fourth of July celebrations.

7)


8) From The Top Drawer includes this bit of knowledge:

Department Of Nothing New: Feminine witchery in the form of knee-hugging breeches is just another steal from the masculine world. In case you care, men of distinction wore tight-laced knee pants, call culottes, in 1735.

Son of a breech! Did this publication aimed at women just accuse the very same of witchery & pantsing men?

Please return to the tempter's touch...

9)


10) On Your Feet continues the puns and enlightens us regarding shoes. The top shoe there, the 'golden sandals' (as if we can see that in black & white), were designed for "the glamorous Queen Elizabeth". You don't hear that phrase much anymore.

11) In Permanent Reminders we learn to employ pipe cleaners to catch the "short wisps at the nape of your neck" when giving yourself a home permanent.

Huh. Dames and dolls were to use the professional services of a dry cleaner, but eschew those of the professional salon.

12)



13) King Cord. It's no joke.

No wonder the touch of corduroy is like a gentle kiss on the fingertips -- it once was the rainment of royalty. It originated in the court of France and became known as cord du roi -- cord of kings.

The idea of an entire royal court swoosh-swoosh-swooshing from corduroy is hysterical. Especially the French.

Did they also invent the pearlized snap for shirts? That goes great with cords.



The End.


Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

70's Teen Beauty Diary Entry

In 1975 Teen Magazine advised us to "Go Curly", using our makeup pencils as curlers.


OK, I'll admit that we tried this, my friend Mary & I. We were too young & silly -- hopped up on soda pop, disco music and teenybopper posters from Tiger Beat -- not to know what would happen. Which, in case you didn't see it coming, was the following:

• dots & streaks in shades of pink, red, blue & lavender on our faces, ears and necks from the pencils
• pencils so coated in styling gunk they had to be tossed out (no amount of shaving/sharpening could save them because they crusty stuff would transfer to our hands and flake on our faces during use)
• no curls to speak of because we had no clever way to hold the pencils in our hair (we were modern steam-curl girls)
  

It was an insane, unsanitary, hairy mess; the best thing of which is being able to share this bit from my teen beauty diary with you -- 33 years later.

It's Always Something: Teen Dares Of 1971

In January of '71, Teen dared us to do some radical things, like decorate our rooms, to use Kool-Aid labels to decorate our shoes...


And to braid our hair, Bo Derek style -- in precisely 20 braids.

I did that once. Well, I had my sister braid my hair, using those tiny rubber bands which were supposed to be for our braces; and I don't think we ever bothered to count the braids...

Anyway, while I looked nothing like Bo, I wore my hair thus to the one and only car race I went to. On a dirt track.

I was so bored, and annoyed by being sprayed with dirt every turn, that I busied myself with unbraiding my hair, and soon looked like Roseanne Roseannadanna.


Just imagine trying to wash the chunks of dirt out of that.

Like the two-tone lip freak-fest, I do not advise the braiding of hair; it can lead to drinking the Kool-Aid proffered by cults.

But then, hey, your sister can make some cool shoes.

Modern Woman Monday: 1000 Ways To Make Yourself Beautiful

This book jacket proclaiming, "A Thousand Ways to Make Yourself Beautiful!" is from the 1940 Hollywood Glamour Cook Book, by Mariposa.

This book will disclose to you the Beauty Secrets of the Movie Stars. You, too, can be "most divinely fair," as irresistible as your favorite Glamour Queen. Imagine the thrill of hearing someone say about you, "Isn't she Glamorous, isn't she lovely!"

You can find out more about my obsession with Mariposa in my article at Collectors' Quest. (And I welcome any knowledge you have about her!)

Golliwogg, Guili-Guili, de Vigny

A vintage ad for Vigny Perfumes, Paris, featuring some fanciful & kitschy perfume bottles.


Shown here are the charming, but oft misunderstood, so they say, Golliwogg perfume "of romance" and Guili-Guili, a fragrance sold as "the tropical god of good fortune" but in truth was Guili-Guili was (according to Perfume Intelligence) named after "the real-life Egyptian illusionist from Alexandria".

While Golliwogg is highly collectible, both as a perfume and a character inspiring annual events, it is found with relative ease; Guili-Guili is much more rare.

Due to age, these bottles often have their labels missing, so along with this vintage ad image, and this image from dgaudit to guide you, look for bottles matching this description from Perfume Intelligence:

Presented in flacon designed by Michel de Brunhoff with the head and foot of the bottle carved from mahogany; the head covered the stopper while the foot held the delicate crystal bottle to stand upright

The ad also mentions other fragrances, such as Chick-Chick, and Vigny lipstick. For more on de Vigny perfumes, see this guide at eBay and this post about Michel de Brunhoff.

Additional Golliwogg de Vigny photos via Rago Arts:

Fun With 13 Images From a Dutch Household Encyclopedia

Having Fun With 13 Images From a Dutch Household Encyclopedia

Found at Flickr, without any text or descriptive info, we might as well enjoy them by adding our own meanings...

1) Hey, look at you! You're really growing-up and the talk of the town. It's time to start looking for a mate or before you know it you'll be one of those old maids!



2) Beauty begins now. Best start preparing your own rituals of lotions & potions to preserve in wax what you can of your youth.



3) You might need some guidance and help with determining your own beauty needs. Then, as now, the rule remains: All the best hairdressers are gay.



4) How does she stay so fair?


Hats with brims rounder & wider than her derriere.

5) Remember, hats must match the purse.



6) Maintaining your figure is important. "Wide" is not lovely, but protrusion is.


An improbably large and pointy bosom a-top a whisper of waist is as important as a bodonkadonk bottom.

7) Remember, men appreciate require a woman who is obedient. Think back to your poodle and practice prancing to please your own master!


Remember, you'll need to learn his personal preferences so that when he says, "Jump!" you'll know just how high.

8) Advice on selecting a mate continues.


Should you suffer from large, wide, puffy hips, try to find a mate with an enormous head. While walking side-by-side, your hips will seem more naturally sized in the shadow of his out of proportion head.


9) We've all heard the sordid tales of babies who do not look like their daddies... But sometimes babies will not look like their mommies. Don't ask; just let it pass.



10) Any frustration you have can be released by shopping. Let the distraction of matching accessories -- and his department store bill -- be your consolation.



11) A word on dads and childrearing... Dads do not rear their children.


It is so unlikely that even the artist drew a question mark by the little girl's potty.

12) Should you ever see such things, rest assured they are hallucinations -- and seek medical attention. Your doctor will know what to do and prescribe just the right pills for your ills.



13) Should it all ever become too much for you, slip your pills into his dinner -- just be sure not to give little Johnny the same Special Daddy Dish!




Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Chantilly Lace

And a squirt in the face.


Chantilly Lace, by The Big Bopper

Chantilly lace and a pretty face
And a pony tail a hangin down
That wiggle in the walk
And giggle in the talk
Makes the world go round
There ain't nothin in the world
Like a big eyed girl
That makes me act so funny
Make me spend my money
Make me feel real loose like a long necked goose
Like a girl, oh baby that's what I like

My mom used to sing this song -- everywhere. My kids even know it now. Hence my darn-near-hatred of the Chantilly fragrance.

Cute As A Bug

If you're not, your parents will force you to be by making you participate in the beauty rituals of the times.


Cuz let's face it; this little Beautybyg hairdryer, with all its appliques, isn't for the kid to enjoy -- it's to make it more fun for the parents who will have to put the effort into shaping and molding their little girl into the perfect beauty they -- and society -- will love.

And even if she remains ugly, well, at least the parents can prove they did everything they could.

"A Poor Workman Blames His Tools"

That's what Dad always used to say (still does), so in the spirit of equality and feminism, secretaries who blame their typewriters must be measured by the same, broken, yardstick.



So, blogging chicks, you can't blame your keyboard -- or Sally Hansen either.

Via LJ's Vintage Ads community.

Flashback: Thirteen Retro Teen Girly Things

Thirteen Retro Girly Things If you were a teen-age girl in the late 60's or early 70's you likely recognize these beauties... Prissy the plush orange piggy bank was more than a piggy bank, he was a dust magnet. Dudley Donkey sat on your bed -- tucked inside were your pajamas. He may have been a little juvenile in your teen years, but keeping him on your bed made your parents still think you were a little kid and so trusted you to have boys in your room. (When boys were in your room, Dudley was quickly tossed under the bed.) When you weren't sobbing into your donkey pj holder that your boobs still hadn't come in, you consoled yourself crafting positive self-image dolls, like Uncommonly Easy Skinny Minnie. OK, so her real name is "Skinny Minnie" and the directions were "uncommonly easy", but your eyes were still filled with tears and you read it wrong, thus leading you into a confusing period of sexual promiscuity once your breasts did bud. Ha Ha, grandma made you this crochet tic-tac-toe top! Before the rick-rack shortage of '78 (also know as solid-hem Wednesday), you made snakes and dolls using nothing more than needle, thread, rick-rack, felt, and your imagination. Actually, little imagination was involved; there were patterns. Sleepy Sally held your curlers. And scared your little brother. (A good place to keep your diary, no?) Mod Maud was another curler holder, purchased to replace Sleepy Sally who was destroyed in that lighter fight with your brother that first night mom and dad left you in charge while they went to couples bowling. (Can't they trust you for a few hours? They almost had to drop out of the league because of you!) Knot Freddie The Hung up Owl "added to your hangups", consequently you hated that your mother made him. (In her defense, Knot Freddie was therapy recommended by her counselor as mom got off the anti-depressants, let her arm-pit hair grow, and adjusted to dad's new pants-wearing secretary.) A Logan's Run paperback -- because that Michael York's sooooo dreamy! Kookie Komber was another pj bag. He was given to you by your BFF, Lisa, who thought Kookie looked like a pubic hair patch while you were out shopping at Spencer's Gifts. More than an inside joke, Kookie also held your reefer. (Making Kookie, what? An inside toke?) Greta the autograph cat was a gift from Grandma. You screamed, "I love it!" when you opened the gift because anything other than a tic-tac-toe top was an improvement. A copy of Gods, Demons and Space Chariots by Eric Norman. The man wasn't gonna keep the truth from you! BFF Jill's mom was cool enough to order the Secret of the Sea beauty boutique by Dorothy Gray for you (a whopping $6, then a membership, but Jill's mom did use a lot of makeup anyway). Plus the DG eau de toilet spray covered-up the pot smell... Was mom getting suspicious, or was the pot making you paranoid? Ooooh, who's got a groovy auntie who crochets hot-pants? At first you thought you were cool because your mom actually let you wear them (the therapy was working, even if you had owls all over the house). But the joke was on you because you had knots where knots should never, ever be.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Move Your Boogie Body

Judi Sheppard Misset & friends Jazzercise to "Move your Boogie Body" by the Bar-Kays.

Pageant Dolls

Barbies depicting all the pageantry of um, pageants -- from fabulous exotic locations, like Kyrgyzstan & Nebraska.




Amazing how many are blonde, huh.

NiniMomo says, "Barbie® dolls are the copyrighted works of Mattel, Inc. They are being recostumed, republished, and sold in this instance only with the express written permission of Mattel." I guess that explains the boxes.

How Beautiful Can You Get?

In August, 1956, Woman's Day was bold enough to ask the question -- and kind enough to give you the answer with three full pages of beauty tips.

How To Be A Girl, by Susan Bennett Holmes

On page 18 the three pages of instruction begins. Here's one of my favorite passages:

If only you could look like That! If only you had the $195 the small, elegant script says you need for the dress!

Actually, your thinking is on the wrong tack. The dress may be dreamy, but so is the model inside it. We venture to suggest that even the zoopiest creation by Dior would look dreary on a model who forgot her comb and whose stocking seams were awry. No one of us can honestly write off lack of care for our looks under dearth of clothes. In order to look like That, you have to achieve darn near faultless grooming.

"What follows is planned to be clipped out and tacked on the inside of your closet door." (Click to read each of the scans -- you can even print them out to place inside your closet door! Isn't that the zoopiest?!)





Psst, you can buy a print of the cover artwork here.

Get more goodies from Susan Bennett Holmes with How To Be a Girl: Part 1 and Part 2.

The Beauty Secrets of Russian Women

It's Sharms, make-up that's good enough to write on mirrors!

If that doesn't sell you, how about the electronic version of Peggy Sue which plays in this 1976 cosmetics ad from the Soviet Union?