A Real Mickey Mouse Wedding

Sew, A Needle Pulling Thread

With all this detail work, it's more like, "Sew, 'til you wish you were dead."

I Want To See Evelyn Green Dolls

In that amazing, amusing and much loved vintage issue of Profitable Hobbies magazine, a brief article on dolls by Evelyn Green, who, in 1951, had already made nearly 200 dolls.

Her collection, one of the most valuable in the nation, includes fur-clad cave-dwellers, Gay Nineties models, and modern bobby-sox types, depicting the fashions of mankind from 18,000 B.C. to the present. Mrs. Green requires a week or two to make a small doll and two or three months to complete a large, elaborate model. She has spent fourteen years on her hobby.

There's scant information about Evelyn Green dolls online; even though the doll maker was featured in Doll Collector Magazine in what appears to be 2005 (presumably prompted by the Evelyn Green portrait dolls which were de-accessioned, via Theriaults, from the collections of the Strong Museum in 2004). I found no clearly labled photos of the dolls themselves. Pooh.

Evelyn Green dolls now appaer to sell for between $200 and $400 each.

17 "Don'ts" For Men (1890's Style)

From Old Stuff, May/June, 1975, a publication which proudly boasted "All paper in this copy of OLD STUFF is 100% recycled." Something which was almost equally true of the content printed on the paper, for all the stuff is indeed old articles etc. from antique publications -- save for the obligatory letters to the editor (called "Correspondence") and classified ad section (called "Collectors Market").

Today's selection from Old Stuff was previously published in an untitled 1899 newspaper. It's advice from an unnamed male "men's fashion consultant" who was concerned with customers "preserving the finer points of sartorial elegance."

I Get The Raggedy Ann Wig, But...

What's up with those foam shoes?



Found at Flickr, Woman's Day magazine, July 1969.

The Trouble With Trimbles...

Is that they cannot agree on how to spend their money:

The Trimbles, mother and son... His dreams are of a red convertible, hers of a new typewriter.

Photo of Mrs. Pearl Carter Trimble and her son Carter Trimble from an article on the "mother & son writer-photographer team" inside the march 1951 issue of Profitable Hobbies magazine, which we assume stopped making a profit decades ago.

Yes, I know there are unfortunate holes in the vintage paper; let's just be glad we can see what we can.

Baby Got Back-Fat

A back cover illustration from The Philistine: A Periodical of Protest, published by Elbert Hubbard, titled (or captioned) "Removing his Pocket-book."



I'm too amused & enthralled to really research this one, kids... Besides, isn't it time you told me something?

The illustration dates to 1909; Vol. 30, December, No. 1, of The Philistine.

Answers For Those Questions You Asked Your Erudite Friends

The answers to the Spring, 1930, Tatler Puzzle Page:

Kilgallen's Boo-Boo

Inside Quick magazine (November 12, 1949), in the fashion pages (page 45), this lovely bit about one of my favorite personalities of yesteryear, Dorothy Kilgallen:

In New York: Dorothy Kilgallen (columnist-radio star) complained on the air that she had to wear a white Band-Aid on her cut finger to a party... said it looked awful. Next day Johnson & Johnson send an assortment of Band-Aids in shocking pink, cassia, leaf green, lavender. Will she start a trend?

Answer: Apparently not. Unless Quick failed to report Band-Aids with SpongeBob SquarePants -- or I guess at that time it would have been The Shadow? (Only he knows.)

This issue of the vintage magazine has Esther Williams on the cover, and featured on pages 48 - 51. I sent scans of the article to Here's Looking Like You, Kid. 'Cuz I'm nice like that.

Dames & Dogs #3

Before Wallis Simpson lured King Edward the VIII from the throne, she loved the little doggies -- as evidenced by this front cover of The Sketch magazine from March 1935 featuring a portrait of Mrs. Ernest (Wallis) Simpson. Who can blame her? I love my little (idiotic & neurotic) Cairn Terrier too.

Dauntless Dale Isn't Sheep-ish

From Quick magazine, October 31, 1949: "Karen Hutchinson, 2, of Ontario, Cal., simultaneously enjoys a free ride and shows off the prize-winning form of 'Dauntless Dale,' a 1 1/2-year-old Hampshire ram which took Junior Division honors at last year's Los Angeles County Fair. Rams, especially prize winners, don't usual pose so willingly."

Because We've All Heard The Nova Joke

We've all heard that Chevy's Nova didn't go over so well in Spanish speaking countries because Nova means "No go", even though it's not true, so why not leave it parked and let it be a camper? This retro ad features the Nova 6 Hatchback with the "tent-like Hutch", an "available feature" I'm not so sure people took Chevrolet up on.


Nova ad found in the July, 1974, issue of Psychology Today -- that issue's been passed around quite a bit, at least in scanned form. I shared an article on political activism from the issue here, sent scans of pages on nuclear families to Shawnee, and posted an ad with doggies here.

You Could Be "Shirt Changed"

Unless you read "Good Blousekeeping" -- so warns the March 1954 issue of Silhouette magazine, a promotional booklet for Hollands Dry Cleaners.

Retro Turquoise Smoking & Magazine Stand

This is too cool for words:

It has a hanging magazine holder, a center stamped template for glasses, cigarettes, matches and a multi colored glass lined area. The turquoise painted portions are wood while the pole is a brass colored metal. It is 18 1/2" tall, 15 1/2" wide and 12 1/2" deep.

She Can't Believe She's In Reader's Digest Either

Ad from a 1968 Reader's Digest magazine; via Flickr.

How To Talk To The Soda Jerk

From Calling All Girls, December, 1945.

Modern Woman Monday: A Margaret Sanger Rhyme

Found in the February 22, 1941 issue of Liberty, a bemusing note sent in from a reader regarding Margaret Sanger:

Christmas Dey Curls

As in Christmas curls worn by Susan Dey.

Women's Magazine History

Ladies, women's magazines say you are incomplete. Well, are you?



(Yup, that's another one of my blogs -- Pink Populace Paparazzi Parade Exposé is group blog.)

Pixies: Guardians Of PJs

A cute elf sits on the cover of the first issue of Good Housekeeping Needlecraft magazine (Fall-Winter, 1968-1969).





Turns out he is not an elf, but rather both a pixie and a pajama bag. Click the images to get the patterns & instructions (I tired to color correct the pattern page, but that's the best I could get it). If you make any pixie pj bags, I'd love to see 'em!




I put the skirt instructions for crocheting the long red hostess here -- I'd love to see those if you make them too.

The Queen Of The Senile Girls

In the pages of Women's Circle, May, 1978, comes this feature on one Bonie Merrill.




Bonie (pronounced "Bone-Knee", entertained at hospitals, convalescent homes, social & service clubs, private parties and charity functions for 35 years. Her acts were patterned after some of the Phyllis Diller routines, but Bonie wrote her own jokes & song parodies.

Two years prior to this article (so that's be 1976-ish), Bonie decided she needed a gimmick for one of her song parodies and designed a crazy hat. Eventually she ended up with some 200 hats used in her acts -- hence the article's "Hat Comedy Show" titular use & the photographs.

Deciding that some history would be nice to throw into the shows, she made a trip to the library to study the history of hats -- but "You wouldn't believe how dull the history of hats is, so I invented some history of my own." Here's one of Bonie's jokes, on the origin of ladies' wide-brimmed hats, which audiences supposedly believed:

"Way back in history in some European country, the ladies of the court were always passing gossip by whispering in each other's ears," Bonie explains. "Now the king was jealous because he couldn't hear the gossip and decreed that the ladies would have to wear wide brimmed hats so they'd have to talk louder because they couldn't get their heads close together."

But my favorite quote is this:

"Of course, we have to clean up the act a little, when we are performing for a church group or something like that," Bonie said. "Some of our jokes, songs and routines might be considered a little risque."

While the article doesn't explain it, the teasing, tantalizing comment makes me wonder just what sort of dirty hat jokes &/or song parodies Bonie had.


If you know anything about Bonie, or Barbara Ludwig (piano accompanist) and Frances Harvey (Boni's "favorite stage 'stooge'"), please let me know.

Don't Mess With The Gene Autry Fans

They know how to pen a scathing letter to the editor.



I wonder how they felt about Autry being being misspelled.

Liberty magazine, February 22, 1941.

Out Of Macaroni?

Paint & glue odd metal bits instead.



From McCall's Needlework & Crafts, Spring/Summer 1971.

Where Did The National Enquirer Go In 1978?

Sure, I've been mocking the 1979 National Enquirer bits, but have I ever really considered just how far the National Enquirer has gone? No, I don't mean the depths of hell, the limits of decency -- I mean on the map.



All for me!

Oh, the quality reporting! Logging 1,183,338 miles, they went to London to cover the world's first test tube baby and even went to Guyana twice in '78 to cover the Jamestown suicides.

And don't you go thinking they just sent 'reporters' to Alaska to gather information about "secret Soviet psychic research" -- they went to Moscow too.

Once, I Could've Learned To Care For Him

But that was ten years ago.


More from Calling All Girls, December, 1945.

Mommas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Linda Blair

An article in the February 13, 1979 National Enquirer by Donald McLachlan warns, "Cocaine Sniffing by Celebrities Blamed For Soaring Use of Drugs by Youngsters."

"The kids see photographs of them wearing coke spoons as decorations around their necks. They read of stars like Louise Lasser and Linda Blair getting into trouble over coke... Kieth Richard of The Rolling Stones being arrested in Canada... comedian George Kirby going to jail for dealing it."

And where would the kids of 1979 see such photos and read such stories? Oh yeah, the National Enquirer.

Then again, who believes anything in the National Enquirer?

But if McLachlan and the National Enquirer really believed that peer pressure or the cool-kid factor were so strong, why didn't they stop publishing the stories -- or advise that parents keep the rag away from their kids.

Maybe the National Enquirer should use the tagline: Promoting the coke spoon & harming your kids since (at least) the 70's.

Correcting Ill-Shaped Noses At Home

And where else would you do it?



An ad in Beautiful Womanhood, Edited by Mrs. Bernarr MacFadden, November, 1923.

Hankie History To Sneeze At?

In Modern Woman Magazine (Vol 14, No 5, 1945), a little snippet on hankies:

Historians credit Marie Antoinette with the invention of the pocket handkerchief. She was so broken up at leaving her home in Austria that she cried all the way to France and wiped her eyes with bits of lace torn from her dress and lingerie. Anticipating future tears, she made it a point always to have a piece of lace tucked in a pocket of her dress. This, say the historians, was how handkerchiefs were born.

I don't know if this is true, even if it is said that Marie-Antoinette made an observation that a square handkerchief is most convenient and pleasing, and so King Louis XVI published a decree ordering the new lengths.

In any case, because of this, I do not think it's right that we sneeze, tear, snot or otherwise 'goo' onto hankies with French motifs, including but not limited to, Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, the Statue of Liberty, or French language.

Like Hover Cars For Kitchens

In 1945, foot pedals were the fantasy future of kitchens.

FOOT PEDALS will operate many of the labor-saving devices which will be ours in the kitchen of tomorrow. Here the housewife prepares vegetables in the future kitchen, while her little daughter has opened a bin which tilts to throw the vegetables forward. By operating the foot pedals for water in the sink, the housewife has her hands free. The splash board back of the sink is self illuminating when raised, and lowers flush with the working bench at right to form a buffet bar.

From What's Cooking For Tomorrow's Kitchens, by Joseph Lawren, in Modern Woman, Vol 14, No 5, 1945' photograph from Libby-Owens-Ford's "Kitchen of Tomorrow".

"Don't You Know There's A Peace On?"

More lingo from the "Jabberwocky and Jive" column in Calling All Girls, December, 1945.

The Corn Is Green -- And 1945's Knee-Deep In It

In Calling All Girls (December, 1945), Nancy Pepper, Fashion Editor, has a kitschy column called "Jabberwocky and Jive". This bit is teaches the not-so-cool kids on the cool lingo the kids were using that day based on Hollywood.

Here are some of my favorites (you can click the image to read the larger scan).

B 'n B -- That's what you call them if they're Co-Starring of Going Steady, on account of they're a Bogie 'n Bacall.

HI, VAN--HOW'S JOHNSON? -- Instead of plain "Hi." There are lots of them -- like "Hi, Garson -- how's Pidgeon?"

HEAVENLY HURD -- A smooth boy. Inspired by the Man of your Screams in "Dorian Gray."

CROON ANOTHER, CROSBY -- Means "Tell me more."

THE CORN IS GREEN -- You say that when anyone tells a corny story.

They Made A Tape For That

This tip from a reader, published in The Farmer (Dakota Edition, September 3, 1960), advises the use of cellophane tape for trimming bangs.



But they made a tape for that. I remember it distinctly as "the pink tape with the zig-zag ends which looked like it was cut with a pinking shears"; which meant it was very difficult to find on the Internet. (You're welcome, surfers who are also searching by such memories.)



I think my mom used that tape to make those curls by her ears which were oh-so-fashionable in the 60's. Those curls are called "guiche" -- and apparently each type of curl had a name. So now you can identify which kind of curl it was that that little girl has in the middle of her forehead. (And pray it's not The Fishhook!)

Funny thing is, I don't remember my mom using the tape to cut our hair... And our bangs were often a crooked mess, usually running in a diagonal line along our foreheads. Ah, good times.

Dad said she put a bowl on our heads to give us a trim and that she never bothered to monitor & straighten the bowl. I don't remember that. I just cringe when I see the photos.

If you pester me, I may make the time to find & scan a few for you.

When Illustrations Collide

Jay Hyde Barnum's illustration of a sexy songbird with a lifted hem shares the page with an ad for Perfect Circle Triple-Action piston rings.



The incongruity of such juxtaposition of pinup with what I lovingly call 'racing troll babies' makes me stare long and hard at this vintage magazine page for clues... At first I thought sex appeal was being applied by Perfect Circle, but the three babies, a regular gimmick used by the company, are drawn by Pete Hawley. Why the editors decided to print the pinup facing the ad is unknown to me -- but I'm sure it helped Perfect Circle sell piston rings.

How Much Is Your Spare Time Worth?

You can earn up to $1.50 an hour, representing Curtis Publishing. Or at least you could according to this old ad.


This ad was a lot funnier pre-financial melt-down, when I found & scanned it. Now we're all just wondering if we'll be lucky enough to make a $1.50 an hour.

James Brown In National Geographic

Heh. Made you look. ...But if you read the text, it really could be him because "the Machiguenga refused to reveal their names; the men called this one Marino." So maybe James Brown traveled as Marino to avoid the crowds.

Why Other Countries Hate It When McDonald's Comes To Town

Kids in Japan beggin' for the toys in Happy Meals.



Photo from a 1986 National Geographic magazine.

"Gee, Mom, Them's An Important Collection!"

An article published in The American Home, October, 1942, extolling the virtues of & importance in collecting as a child -- no matter how cluttered it makes their room.


Click the image to read the scan of this still wonderfully appropriate advice by Clifford Parcher.

Quick, What Decade Is It?

We're a bit confused because the last time Mackenzie Phillips made headlines it was... well, for the same thing -- drugs.


We're sure that Mackenzie really wishes she had traded places with Marlene Dietrich back in 1976. Marlene was still alive then; so trading now, while it may alleviate some of today's problems, really isn't a good idea.

Scrap Rug Fun - Doggy Tissue Cover

From the February, 1971, issue of Pack-O-Fun, instructions to make a doggie tissue box cover. (This is actually practical too because cutting up old rugs is sure to make you -- and others -- sneeze.)

1959 Top Secret Magazine

I just published this article on vintage gossip magazines, and already folks are emailing me asking for more scans of the pages... Beg me, and perhaps I'll go through the trouble *wink*

Back When Paper Publishing Had Profits To Spare

You know there had to be BIG money in publishing magazines back in 1960 when The Saturday Evening Post gave sent you a bowling ball in the mail just for soliciting four subscriptions.



I know we're talking 1960's postage, but still -- it's a freakin' bowling ball.

It would have been cheaper to mail folks a voucher along with the authorization, but I guess they made enough money from the advertisers -- the ones I mock here relentlessly.

It's April 30, 1960; Do You Know Where You Are?

From The Saturday Evening Post, comes the double-dog-dare, "Where Do You Think You Are?"

East or West, North or South, each of the distinctive areas above appears on the road map of a single state. There is, as the saying goes, "no place like it." Can you identify the states?

Harley P. Cook

Think you know your 1960's maps? (Or perhaps it is more accurate to say 1950's maps...) Maybe you're just a smarty pants. Whatever. Post your (however well-educated) guesses. I'll post the answers later in the week.

7/16/08 Update -- With The Answers!
(complete with 1960 state abbreviations, for that full-bodied retro taste)

1. Mass
2. Colo
3. Mo.
4. Wis.
5. Idaho
6. N.J.
7. Iowa
8. Ariz.
9. Va.
10. Me.
11. S.C.
12. Wash.

Looks like Jason was right - congrats, map geek.

Second Place Steve was just 5 minutes off; story of his life, ey.

Remember When From 1959

Because I've been digging through & scanning old issues of The Saturday Evening Post, be prepared for a number of scans from them. Up now, Remember When? Pictures With A Past.


Text reads:

Recognize the smiling lad at right? Frank Sinatra was just one of a New Jersey quartet, the Hoboken Four, when he got his start on the amateur hour of Major Bowes (center) in 1936. From radio Frank turned to singing for the Harry James and Tommy Dorsey bands, then to films. He proved he could act as well as sing. Now past his forty-first birthday, he's still going strong.

Calvert Gostle

Text reads:

Here is a grim idea aborning: That planes could attack as well as scout. These Army officers fired a Lewis machine gun from the air in 1912. I made this photo before the take-off. The tests, at 500 rounds a minute, succeeded. The plance did not shake apart. Even so, early World War I air battles were fought with revolvers.

C. J. Mac Cartee

Text reads:

This stirring scene points a moral, as did almost everything in 1921. It was: Women can master the motorcar. Left, how to caress a radiator cap and get shocked by the ignition. Right. a familiar scene of the day--how to inflate a pneumatic tiree and patch a punctured tube. This was habit-forming.

Ezra Quincy

13 Funky Images & Kitschy Phrases From A Vintage Dry Cleaning Booklet

13 Funky Images & Kitschy Phrases From A Vintage Dry Cleaning Booklet
(And It's Cooler Than You Think!)

All images & quotes are from the November 1953 issue of Silhouette, a promotional paper pushing (surprise!) dry cleaning.

1)

2) Two For Dreaming was a feature on holiday gowns.



3) It features a poetry-jam which romanticizes fashion as it eroticizes & enslaves women:

It starts with Thanksgiving... the party nights that are strung like glittering jewels on a chain... ending only when the echoes of the New Year have faded to silvery whispers. You will spin across polished floors--the answer to someone's most intimate dreams--in the timeless femininity of a beautiful ball dress. You will choose white for its kinship to new-fallen snow... or pale blue for tis affinity to a wintry scene. And you will see that your lovely gown does things for you... like moulding your bodice with a tempter's touch... whirling your skirt for the grace of the dance... making you the most distinguished memory a man can know.

Damn, that's hot. So hot that I don't really register all the "you will" commands as I am brainwashed into wanting a beautiful ball gown... and to polish those floors. Just to be the answer to someone's most intimate dreams!

I will choose white.

Or pale blue. I haven't quite decided yet.

But then there are other choices.

4) Like what to do about fur... It's a VIP (very important pelt), and even if I go faux, there are many things to consider. Like which ones are kindest to my dry cleaner. Thank goodness I can read Fashion Moves Furward for some help. (And more puns!)

5)



6) In Hair Today... Glamour Tomorrow, by Eleanor Page Hamilton, I get more than the usual tips for setting curls and figuring out how to part my hair for my face shape -- I get this gem:

Arthur "Bugs" Baer -- and I quote -- says, "Nothing drabbles a doll more than soggy bangs." He claims he knows a gal who has such a neurosis about this that she wears a rubber bathing cap whenever she makes cocktails. Okay, so maybe she is a character!

I can't possibly add anything to that. Really. Just feel free to work all of that into conversation at your Fourth of July celebrations.

7)


8) From The Top Drawer includes this bit of knowledge:

Department Of Nothing New: Feminine witchery in the form of knee-hugging breeches is just another steal from the masculine world. In case you care, men of distinction wore tight-laced knee pants, call culottes, in 1735.

Son of a breech! Did this publication aimed at women just accuse the very same of witchery & pantsing men?

Please return to the tempter's touch...

9)


10) On Your Feet continues the puns and enlightens us regarding shoes. The top shoe there, the 'golden sandals' (as if we can see that in black & white), were designed for "the glamorous Queen Elizabeth". You don't hear that phrase much anymore.

11) In Permanent Reminders we learn to employ pipe cleaners to catch the "short wisps at the nape of your neck" when giving yourself a home permanent.

Huh. Dames and dolls were to use the professional services of a dry cleaner, but eschew those of the professional salon.

12)



13) King Cord. It's no joke.

No wonder the touch of corduroy is like a gentle kiss on the fingertips -- it once was the rainment of royalty. It originated in the court of France and became known as cord du roi -- cord of kings.

The idea of an entire royal court swoosh-swoosh-swooshing from corduroy is hysterical. Especially the French.

Did they also invent the pearlized snap for shirts? That goes great with cords.



The End.


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70's Teen Beauty Diary Entry

In 1975 Teen Magazine advised us to "Go Curly", using our makeup pencils as curlers.


OK, I'll admit that we tried this, my friend Mary & I. We were too young & silly -- hopped up on soda pop, disco music and teenybopper posters from Tiger Beat -- not to know what would happen. Which, in case you didn't see it coming, was the following:

• dots & streaks in shades of pink, red, blue & lavender on our faces, ears and necks from the pencils
• pencils so coated in styling gunk they had to be tossed out (no amount of shaving/sharpening could save them because they crusty stuff would transfer to our hands and flake on our faces during use)
• no curls to speak of because we had no clever way to hold the pencils in our hair (we were modern steam-curl girls)
  

It was an insane, unsanitary, hairy mess; the best thing of which is being able to share this bit from my teen beauty diary with you -- 33 years later.

When Ephemera Leaves Bruises

No, I'm not speaking of the bruises along my arms from carrying all those heavy boxes of paper but of the foxing which can occur, leaving marks on the people on the pages. Like on this Arthur Crouch pinup from this 1941 cover of Collier's.


Looks like that tomato's got a bruised arm.

It's Always Something: Teen Dares Of 1971

In January of '71, Teen dared us to do some radical things, like decorate our rooms, to use Kool-Aid labels to decorate our shoes...


And to braid our hair, Bo Derek style -- in precisely 20 braids.

I did that once. Well, I had my sister braid my hair, using those tiny rubber bands which were supposed to be for our braces; and I don't think we ever bothered to count the braids...

Anyway, while I looked nothing like Bo, I wore my hair thus to the one and only car race I went to. On a dirt track.

I was so bored, and annoyed by being sprayed with dirt every turn, that I busied myself with unbraiding my hair, and soon looked like Roseanne Roseannadanna.


Just imagine trying to wash the chunks of dirt out of that.

Like the two-tone lip freak-fest, I do not advise the braiding of hair; it can lead to drinking the Kool-Aid proffered by cults.

But then, hey, your sister can make some cool shoes.

Craft-Scan Friday: Get Yer Space-Age Santas Here

Remember the 60's and how they promised us a future of hover cars and jet-pack travel? Well, some of us do, anyway. The rest of you can put down your Tommee Tippee cups and see why the rest of us all believed so hard.

See, our moms were busy creating space-age Christmases. Just like Ethel Peterson who had covered the face of her clock (now at a thrift shop near you) with a half-circle of gold-flocked cardboard. "Stars, pasted onto the blue crepe paper, give 'sky' effect."



Pretty potent stuff, merging forever, the idea of travel, space, and free gifts.

Here Santa rides a rocket -- which they call a "jet" ("cut from linoleum rolls and covered with shelf paper, then painted"). Not only better than that, a reindeer rests on the rings of Saturn.



What the heck can be better than typing "a reindeer rests on the rings of Saturn"? Seeing it. I can't wait to make hundreds for next year's holiday craft fair.

Have A Coolie Christmas

All you thought you had to worry about was your neighbor with the black lawn jockey...

Included in the Pacific Palisades Holiday Tour was this exotic outdoor decoration that blends East and West. Set on an outdoor patio, the antique rickshaw carries a Santa Claus figure and a collection of brightly wrapped Christmas gifts.

The coolie figure was made of papier mache with an Oriental mask face under his collie hat. This holiday display decorates the home of Mr. and Mrs. James Kalasardo of Pacific Palisades.

Found in the 1959, Better Homes & Gardens' Christmas Ideas.

Just Like A Man -- And A Woman

Just Like A Man was a Family Circle column by Byron Fish; the following appeared in the November 1964 issue of the magazine.

A boy can't learn too soon that in math, as in most subjects, there is a male and a female way to work things out. After a lesson in feminine-gender arithmetic my son figures that when it comes to higher powers of reasoning, men are squares.

First up, gender punctuation:

"You are inquiring into a mystery unsolved by man. From the time a female learns to write, she is convinced that exclamation points were invented to be used. She even feels they will go to waste unless they are put into sentences."

That's so not true!!

Regarding ellipsis...

The boy asks, "How about those dots in there?"

The father responds:

Dots sometimes are used for a specific purpose in the neuter, or masculine, gender. If you find a long row of them apparently just thrown in, they are feminine gender."

My husband would have a field day with this... He abhors my continual use of ellipsis...

I, in return, must counter by pointing out that this article is proof that everything is considered masculine unless noted as feminine (and that feminine is lower in status). I'm just sayin'...


"Men teachers probably are told during their training to allow for the more complicated punctuation by girl pupils." :sigh: I suppose I should just be happy there was no mention of retarded or intolerant women teachers.

Then again... no mention of female teachers is rather sexist -- I mean, "It's rather sexist!"

Now we move onto gender in 'rithmetic.



The boy gets the correct answer, but dad makes an ambiguous statement...

So dad needs to explain female math.

"Particularly if he is married." Yuck it up, Byron.



Oh, and it all ends with a cute little story of the little woman besting "daddy". How quaint.

:snarl:

If you'd prefer to read the column in its entirety as it appeared:

1959 Disneyland Candle Shop

From the 1959 Better Homes & Gardens' Christmas Ideas magazine comes this photo of Disneyland's candle shop.

Mrs. Robert Beals, and her daughter Jani, find the choice of candles fantastic and a difficult decision to make. Which one shall it be?

Well, of course it's difficult to pick just one -- even if you are allowed to be known by your own name and not as your husband's property.

I never just pick one candle. Hence I am not only a huge boon the hostess of the home candle party, but have been put on candle buying prohibition; I'm not allowed to by any more candles.

Hubby thinks having a cabinet designated just for candles is silly. This, even after he's seen my sister has an entire pantry just for candles -- which should prove that I'm really deprived, not depraved, as he believes.

Thursday Thirteen: Hello, 1964!

13 More Magazine Scans To Mock, From The Year I Was Born
(I skipped TT last week here, so you can't be sick of me.)

#1 Musical Jump Rope with clown head handles?! No matter how fast you skip and run, those clowns follow you!



#2 Amazing any of the Breck's solitaire game boards, made of "feather-light Dylite" (aka Styrofoam) survived. (I know they have, every once and awhile I spot them at thrift stores -- even without being in a box. Which means someone had to carry it in gingerly, separately, from the other donated goods. Amazing.)



#4 Vicks: Where huffing begins.




#5 & 6 For those that believe in the separation of Church & State, 15 Religious Figures and 35 Presidential Statues -- each with their own display.




#7 Arthur Godfrey says Tintex takes the guesswork out of fabric dying.



Now that you've seen the ad, let's talk. What's the deal with this celeb endorsement? Was Godfrey a big ol' butch male crafter -- the Rosey Grier of his time?

(Well, it does look like Godfrey's has his experiences with dying... Look at those splotches on his face.)

#8 Black Eyed Suzie Flowerkins. I saw her live on stage at CBGB's.



#9 & 10 In an issue of Workbasket we find Women Who Make Cents. Some ingenious gal gives away her secrets for making money by using her left over netting to make hair nets. I'd say selling her business idea to the magazine for $2 is more money than she ever made or would have made from the sale of hair nets, no matter what decade.


Also in this column on ways for women to "add to the family income" are directions for bronzing baby shoes at home:

Fill a pair of baby shoes completely with plaster of Paris. Allow to dry or set. Then spray with gold or bronze paint, giving them 2 or 3 coats. Then sell for $2.50 to $3.50 per pair.

OK, I won't argue the cost v. profit ratio (I'm too lazy to research the cost of baby shoes, plaster of Paris and paint in 1964), but isn't the point of bronzing baby booties to both preserve your own child's booties (memories) and to actually bronze them?

#11 If you can't see the bleach container for the pig and actually need instructions and a pattern to make Pretty Priscilla, perhaps you've moved from huffing Vicks to snorting Clorox.



#12 Royal made a "nutty new flavor" in 1964 -- "a proud new pudding that combines the creaminess of caramel with the crunch of toasted bits of cashews!"



I can't won't am not allowed to speak for pudding pride, but the reasons why I've never hear of caramel-cashew pudding was either:

A) cashew quickly pudding became as pricey as cashmere pudding & out-priced anything in the boxed dessert (including the other Royal flavors, by the case)

or

B) like me, few desired crunchy pudding.

#13 Just when you thought pudding couldn't get any nuttier...

My-T-Fine pudding pushed a pudding and pantyhose promo.



I'm at a bit of a loss here because hubby keeps me to the PG-13 rule, but naturally, when I hear of pudding and pantyhose I think of a control-top -- and a breathable cotton crotch. The ad mentions neither.

Nor does it actually state pantyhose, but rather reads "nylon fashion hosiery." Not that pudding in my stockings sounds much better.

...But now I'm treading on the too-thin PG-13 ice. I don't want to skate the issue; he makes me. You, however, may play with "pudding" and "ladies' hosiery" and "My-T-Fine" and see what you come up with.

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Modern Woman Monday: No, You Can't Be An FBI Agent

Today's Modern Woman Monday comes from that November 1957 issue Good Housekeeping, which begins:

Although no woman can be an actual "FBI Special Agent," there are some 5,000 of them doing the bulk of the technical and clerical work that helps catch criminals: searching indexes, preparing laboratory reports, and reviewing files.

How -- sucky.

Click the pic to read a larger scan of Jobs for Women in the FBI.

Craft-Scan Friday: Binding Your Workbaskets

Perhaps this is why vintage Workbasket issues are so difficult to find -- they've all been sewn together.



Vintage magazine binding advice which will work for modern mags too -- should you wish to make future collectors weep.

The Date Line, 1957

Thirteen Points Along "The Date Line"

The Date Line: Facts & Fancies for the Girl in School, by Jan Landon, as it appeared in the November 1957 issue of Good Housekeeping.



#1 Boys in bottles.

Boys in bottles are a flash fad in Kansas... to get a pickled effect like this, girls back the picture with cardboard, brace them with clothes-hanger wire, and float them in colored water... others just paste glossy prints inside the bottle with rubber cement -- either way is pretty eerie while it lasts.

Ya think?Amazingly, the photo of a bottled-boy is credited to Dare Wright. (I have a huge crush on Dare Wright and her works-- so does Slippity-Do-Da.)

#2 All the, er, cool girls are doin' it...

That outgrown game, pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, is roaring back in a new Southern version" "Pin-the-sideburn-on-Elvis." !.....

I wonder if it continued with fat-Elvis too? Girls in the south, who were learning to deep-fat-fry any and all foods, must have continued to love Fat Elvis, right?

#3 I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed to be from Wisconsin...

In Wisconsin they say the girl's "got him drafted" when the boy's hooked...

How cheesy.

#4 I'm beginning to suspect this groovy knowledge isn't for "the girl in school", but for her parents... Like some sort of "how to understand your teenager" and "learn the lingo" advice column.

"It's been a hunk of heaven, but I think I'll jump for earth," means the party, evening, or romance is over.

#5 Of course, every school girl wants to know how the ultra glam college girls are wearing their sweaters...


#6 For the cool girl in school, tips on making an autograph belt. Ingredients are as simple as the sideburn-pinning-girls are: a plain, wide leather belt and press-on gold-leaf.


Next they giveth, then taketh... A crafty idea and then an equally crafty insult.

#7 First a DIY tip for using clothesline rope, painted in bright enamel paint to make "un-run-of-the-mill" necklaces for "medallions". Take that crafty tip and choke on it.

#8 Don't like that insult? How about this insult then: "Your mother must have bought you with green stamps!" It is the latest insult. (It may seem weird for a ladies' magazine to give insult tips -- but what sort of person actually takes such advice?)

#9 This next one makes me feel better about being a cheesy Wisconsin girl; at least I'm not from Texas.

Every rooter pops a blown-up paper bag at the kick-off of special games at Amarillo High, Texas

#10 But still, Texas girls are less icky than these girls...

Right after the Chicopee High, Mass., teams wins a big game, girls beg boys for, of all things, the chin straps of their football helmets... straps are prized collectors' items, hung like trophies on bedroom walls.

Hey, don't say, "Of all things," because heaven knows a sweaty chin strap worn by a pimply lad is leagues better than other straps -- begged for or not.

#11 This next bit features "grab-bag evenings", heh heh. Oh wait -- it's not quite the snarky fun it sounds like... The 'grab-bags' aren't ugly girls after all.

"Grab-bag evenings" eliminate squables on group dates in St. Louis... instead of arguing about restaurants and movies, they put ads of all possible choices in two boxes, one for movies, one for restaurants -- everybody goes to the spots drawn by a blindfolded girl.

And that's how Muffy ended up blindfolded in the back of Dale's dad's Buick. Honest.

#12 Little black books weren't enough...

"Fix-up files" are made by Midwest girls to simplify arranging blind dates... they're wallet albums of their girl friends' pictures with statistics and interests listed on the back for the benefit of inquiring boys...

Those 1957 Midwest girls were slutty, pimping their friends; I feel even prouder now.

#13 More fashion advice you need to take -- like a slap in the face:



#14 Yup, a bonus.

An endearing twist in envelope inscriptions is being revived in the Midwest... on letters to girls, boys add a phrase above the address so that it reads like this:

Oh, how I

Miss Sandra Smith
64 Middlefield Rd.
etc., etc.,

Gawd, no wonder those boys needed help soliciting dates.

Then again, maybe that "Oh, how I" was code for something.

#15 Don't complain -- you need more tips on how to understand what your peers are saying to you:

"Face in the crowd" is new for someone who'll pass with a shove...

I need that translated, actually.

If you have "the rare disease," you haven't had a date for ages.

No comment. Hubby makes me keep this PG-13 and I think that line is rife with enough innuendo as it is.

Well, as the cook kids say, it's been a hunk of heaven but I think I'll jump for earth now.

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When You Want To Reach The Kids, Use Shakespeare

Teens of Our Times was a regular bit in Good Housekeeping by Helene Wright. This one, titled Love, Life and Lipstick, was from the November 1957 issue and features inspiration on positive attitude and perseverance via Shakespearean bemoaning.

Thoughts for Midnight

"Ah. sweet Romeo -- if I'd only been born beautiful! Then I'd try out for the school play. But with those long raven locks and wit violet eyes I don't have, why bother? They probably wouldn't even cast me as Juliet's old nurse!"

"I'll bet you have to be one of the tooth-and-nail gang to get on the Student Council -- sort of a high school Lady Macbeth. I don't know why I ever waste time dreaming about it..."

Sure, Helene was Wright right with her "Lecture at High Noon", but what kid was really going to read that?

At least the illustration seems to capture the mopey teen response.

While this Teens of Our Times was illustrated by Jack Potter, others were done by Frances Hook. "Who the heck was Hook?" you say? Find out what you can in this post at Today's Inspiration.

I Spend My Saturday Nights Reading Old Magazines

Yes, I do read the old magazines, not just mock the pictures. It's a grand way to relax after a frantic day at the auctions.

Lurking within the pages of the November 1957 issue of Good Housekeeping was this snippet on Foible Spotters:


Reading it -- and then again, out loud, to hubby -- I couldn't stop giggling; especially at this:

Two foible spotters extraordinary (they spot their own as well as other people's) have new books out this fall that deserve your attention. Sylvia Wright's Get Away from Me with Those Christmas Gifts and Jean Kerr's Please Don't Pick the Daisies...

Now the title of Wright's book had me rolling. It struck me as funny, this fear of Christmas gifts, but also it was odd as I'd never previously heard of Wright's books yet Kerr's book can literally be purchased by the pound (and for a dime, at that).

When curious, turn to the Internets.

A quick search and I discovered that Wright's book is a collection of essays, including the titular work which appeared in Harper's, December, 1952. From this work Wright is heralded by some as the 'foible spotter' to credit with the anti-commercialization of Christmas.

Only they don't say it so nicely.

Like Stephen Bayley who wrote that Wright was also:

a connoisseur of Yuletide horror. Her splendid 1957 collection of essays, Get away from me with those Christmas gifts!, has an urgent title which nicely captures the damaging psychoses stimulated in the pious and puritanical during this time of brainless excess and bogus ritualised jollity. What can be more depressing than an electric pepper mill? Christmas gifts are, by definition, things we do not need.

Sheesh. I'll get back to that another time -- and no, I'm not avoiding it because as Bayley would accuse, I'm suffering from a "clear correlation between a taste for decoration and poor education." I'm just not in the mood to get side-tracked at the moment.

Back to Wright.

Also in her book, Wright apparently coined the term Mondegreen, which is basically the explanation behind why some folks sing Scuse me, while I kiss this guy while listening to Hendrix. (Though this is one of the more noted examples of such misheard phrases or mondegreens, there is evidence to support your friend's claim that he's singing what Jimi did.)

And I would have known none of this if I didn't waste spend my Saturday nights reading old magazines.

Craft-Scan Friday: Instructions For Vintage Cloth Doll, Jenny

From a 1964 Workbasket magazine, instructions for Jenny, a cloth doll. Don't say I never gave you nuthin'.

13 Retro Nylon Netting... Nightmares?

Got lots of netting and a hankering for cutesy critter madness -- but lacking the imagination or instruction necessary to get started? Well, kiddos, this is your lucky day...

1) Nylon Net Novelties (1967) is 23 pages of kitschy retro goodness, sure to keep you busy for hours and hours -- with the added benefit of annoying everyone you know by giving them all your 'handicrafted' offspring.


I know you're all dying to see more of the poodle.

But it's my blog, so we're paging through this my way.

As expected, there are lots of pink frothy things, like topiaries and other centerpieces, for bridal and baby showers. (Since this is the 1960's, yes, the order matters.)

Frankly, upon first seeing the cover, I had little hope for this old craft publication... Too much frilly pink. Even for this kitschy girl. Combined with the memories of seeing such frilly, yet faded, netting nightmares, I remembered that their true function seems to be the ability to retain dust. Grandma dusted, perhaps around her tea cup collection, but I'd actually seen her lift and shake the (once) pink topiary. But it still smelled and made me sneeze. Perhaps these nasty-netting things were the inspiration for early dusting tools...

Oh, Hazel, Hazel Pearson, founder of Hazel Pearson Handicrafts, what have you done?

Like the Rolling Stones, all this sickness and I could suck a...



2) Duck.

OoooOOoh, feather options!

(See what I mean? A feather duster.)

3) The obligatory Net Santa.



I thought Santa had some sort of fungal infection in his eyes, but after perusing the crafting instructions it seems that those large orbs are 'cheeks' not 'eyes'. The eyes, in fact, are actually nothing more than lashes... Go ahead, click and look at the larger scan if you don't believe me. So it's no wonder we are confused that the balls we see are not eyeballs.

All I know is, if I put that up during the Christmas holiday season, none of my kids would dare to stay up late and see him -- and be on the 'Naughty' list? Hyeell no.

But it gets worse.

4) Meet the candy-ass clown.


I don't just say that because of my dislike and fear of clowns (one clown did try to kill me), but I say it because this clown has netted body -- including his tush -- designed to be filled with candy.

Mmmm Mmm, dusty candy.

5) Up next, a ballerina -- and the more curious elephant.


I know I'm simple, but I'm confused by the two-sentence set of instructions:

For party-time fun "Pink Elephant, of white foam, is secured to a base trimmed with wide net ruffles. Pearlized grapes add a gay touch.

OK, so the pink elephant is made of white foam... Color issues aside, were there once just rows of elephant foam forms? (And try to say that quickly on the phone while frantic for such supplies.)

Call me crazy, but how low-brow was crafting then that a project had less steps than assembling something from IKEA? Wouldn't it just be easier, and more creative, to take juniors stuffed toy, wrap a ribbon or ruffle around it, and smack it down in the center of the table?

6) I won't lie to you. The only reason this next one is here is because I have a thing for storks. (See part of my stork collection here.)


7) I honestly did spare you pages of wedding & anniversary hearts, nosegays, and umbrellas, but these baby shower centerpieces needed to be seen.

Besides, 'highly flammable' and the obvious 'kitsch' tag, what else would you call these? They hold the same creepy fascination for me as taxidermy. And that means I might rubber-neck, but I don't think I could ever bring myself to make one.

Come to think of it, nominating yourself to do the shower decorations with this booklet in hand, and you might find yourself never having to do anything but bring chips to every gathering you attend -- for the rest of your life.

7a) What should be here is a page on how to make a table skirt of netting for a wedding reception. I didn't scan & post it because if you can't figure that out, well, I've got a paper bag for you to try to find your way out of.

8) Here we have a 'soap fish' and 'peacock soap' -- don't ask me why the names are the way they are... Perhaps it is because the fish is so simple, twist netting around a small soap and glue some googly-eyes on it (yeah, yeah, some sequins too), that the emphasis should be on the soap. Which would make the more elaborate peacock more for advanced netters. (Certainly more sophisticated than the table cloth.)



9) Next up is the the poodle. Don't get all excited now; I wasn't even going to share this scan with you. For some reason I just didn't think you'd be worthy of Lu-Lu The Poodle. If you've ever been in a thrift store you've seen lots of Lu-Lus who need homes... Do you have any idea how many Lu-Lus are euthanized each year because none of you adopt them?

But, there, beneath Lu-Lu was a loo-loo of another sort.


10) Yup, that's Charlie the Caterpillar. Isn't that sad? That someone would be so lacking in imagination they wouldn't be able to roll netting up and glue a face on it without instructions?

...But we aren't done yet. Not with crafty netting; not with sadness.

If you thought instructions for Charlie and a netting table cloth overlay were sad -- or even just 'filler' to get to 23 pages -- you've no idea what's next.

There, beneath the topiary...



11) The 'Peony Scouring Pad', no matter how high and fancy its pedestal is, is laugh-out-loud funny.

I know this isn't any different in design that the bath puffs we all use with our shower gel -- but not even Dove calls it a 'Peony'. And while that netting is scratchy, is it tougher than Chore Boy or steel wool? Really?

What a horrible, horrible shower gift. I buy a place setting or a high chair for this shower and I get this?!

May I trade it for your caterpillar, please? Because I don't want what's coming up.


12) I'm guessing just posting the phrase 'net monkey' here is going to result in some Internet searchers to be frustrated... I don't know what it means, but I'm pretty sure those darn kids do; and it probably isn't pretty. But then neither is this nylon netting monkey.

My brother-in-law says that any words ending in 'k e y' are funny (go ahead, say 'monkey' and 'donkey' and you'll see he's onto something there), but this monkey, by virtue of his 'net' status, is creepy. Worthy of display near any dead animal art -- or, perhaps, some would say, part of my creepy doll collection. But I just don't think I could put Net Monkey next to Big Toe Joe. Not and feel good about it, anyway.

13) Last, I'll leave you with Net Bunny. Note, he is not the Easter Bunny; one assumes that he has many more functions to attend & perform.



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Explaining The Tape Away

Find records with tape on the label? This bit in that 1947 Home Kinks magazine explains:

If slightly warped records slip on an automatic record player and distort the tone, this trouble can be avoided by sticking two strips of adhesive tape on each face of the record as shown.

Magazine Mental Illness

Most collectors will admit they are more than a little mad... But it takes a special kind of crazy to collect old magazines.

First there's the sadness as you grab box after box of vintage and retro crafting, how-to, and do-it-yourself magazines at an estate sale or auction... All the unfinished work speaks of lives that weren't finished.

And then there's the general craziness of what's inside the pages. Who said these were good ideas? And when it comes to women's magazines there's the perpetual, "Who bought this crap -- bought into this crap?"

One cannot help but mull the sanity & happiness, insanity & unhappines, of the former magazine owners... Today, I do so with 13 examples of mockable magazine scans.

(And yes, whenever I mock the previous owners of these magazines I am reminded of what others will think of all these boxes of magazines that I'll leave behind. I said it's a special kind of crazy.)



1) Via this 1971 Pack-o-Fun, "The Only Scrap-Craft Magazine", I am reminded why I don't recommend putting your children in scouting. Or elderly folks into those crafting classes at the old folks' home. Little's much sadder than instructing people to make dolls out of garbage -- unless it's dangerous dolls made of plastic dry cleaner bags, stuffed with facial tissue, and drawn on with markers.

While they admonish giving these dolls to babies who will put things in their mouths, they also say that "these cuddly little dolls will become favorites of the toddler set." Toxic teethers, poisonous pacifiers; a garbage doll by any other name is just fine as long as your child is mature enough, by 2, to know better. (No mention that suffocation by plastic dolls or marker fumes may cause retardation, rendering your smart toddler as dumb as a baby.)

2) Foiled again. From the same magazine, this is eggs-actly what you think it is: egg cartons covered with tin foil, used as a lighting fixture.

What? You're waiting for me to add something? The idea should be enough -- plus, you've got the groovy photo.

3) Home Kinks magazine isn't what you think it is. Or maybe it is; maybe you're not as twisted as I am. Or maybe you are just as twisted, but you just knew this was a Popular Mechanics publication (1947).


The cover boasts of a frying pan shield on page 18. I didn't scan it, but to end your suspense, I'll confirm that it's precisely what it looks like: a cake cover cut-out to allow access to the contents of the frying pan.

4) On page 9 we all learn how to make a Dutch Boy cutout to hold a kitchen broom. I'm not going to mock this; I long for the good old days when copying corporate logos for home use was de rigeur.



5) On page 94 we have (further) proof of my mental illness. Something has been cut out -- presumably the order form for the 102 time saving, money saving, money making, helpful, inexpensive easy to use... guides, as selected by the blue X's. But that's not good enough.

This magazine is incomplete; therefore I am incomplete.

6) The October 1975 issue of Women's Circle Homeworker "shows you the way to home money making." (I have to admit I read the title as 'homewrecker', but maybe that's because I just know a lady making extra 'pin money' isn't the sort of girl dear old dad can stay married to.)


The cover proclaims, "Women Paperhangers Earn $5 Per Hour". I guess that was startling in 1975 -- but not for the reasons you think.

7) As the story continues on page 31, the headline, "Women paperhangers are still around", tells us that in 1975 paperhanging was considered to be on the outs with the modern home working woman. I guess wallpaper hanging was that 'oldest profession' folks refer to.



I'd also like to note that in 1975, the was a shortage of pithy, pun-ny writers or else there should have been a pun about women paperhangers still hanging around.

8) At the end of the article, Edna Shimp, wallpaper professional gal, recommends, "If you are contemplating decorating, think wallpaper." Surprise, Edna shills!

9) Super double bonus points for a women's lib mag calling women 'gals'.

10) And tack on an extra 100 points for the corner call for 'junior achievers', women "below the age of 20". Sheesh.

11) In the January, 1964 issue of The Workbasket, there's an ad for Yum Yum perfume.

When you are asked say Yum Yum!

Our new perfume is so delightful that we just had to name it YUM YUM. The fragrance lasts and is very subtle. Its exquisite tones are remembered fondly.

When you are asked, say "Yum Yum!" OK, so picture it... Your meet a swell feller, and whatever he asks, you reply, "Yum Yum," as directed. Later on the feller asks his buddies, "What was the name of that retarded girl... I am fond of her smell."

12) On the opposite page, we are asked to choose between "this or this" with the choices being to have, or not to have, bunions.



Naturally, all we can reply is, "Yum Yum!"

13) Below that ad, an ad for a job to work at home doing invisible mending.

In many communities invisible menders are scarce: service is expensive -- often unavailable. Can you learn to do this fascinating, profitable work?

"Yum Yum!" is our instinctive reply. (Oh, yes; it sucks to have the ads near the Yum Yum Parfums-Degas ad.)

But then again, perhaps we are just high on the subtle but exquisite smell of our $1 bottle of perfume and so we think maybe, must maybe, we are able to learn such fascinating, profitable work... Or is that the smell of our marker colored suffocation doll? $240 a month buys a lot of $1 per bottle, postpaid, perfume. (We reckon about 180 of 'em.)


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Mrs. Christopher and Her....um....Vermin?

This photo is from the June 1966 "Women's Household" magazine. Upon leafing through such an interesting magazine, my eyes stopped at the "All About Pets" section. I stared, dumbfounded, until I read the caption:

The caption is "This is Mrs. Noble Christopher holding her pet ground hog. He loves to be held as any other pet does. He is eating an ear of corn in this picture."

I wonder what Mr. Noble thinks of the groundhog...I suppose, until Mrs. Noble starts dressing up Mr. Groundhog in little dresses and petticoats, Mr. Noble will tolerate the critter -- "that weasel is the only thing keeping my Mrs. sane," he'll tell his buddies over coffee down at the Cenex before work, not knowing that his wife is slowly sewing frilly groundhog undergarmets out of his old handkerchiefs. No house-groundhog ever goes undressed.

Vintage Modern Woman Magazine Misses Target Market

From volume 19, issue 5, of Modern Woman Magazine (1950), I'm not sure this comic has been published for maximum effect with the demographic is served...


Mocking a woman who is quick to race for her nylons, yet slow in traffic, is better suited for a men's mag. Even better, modify it to show a man eager to chase a golf ball about, yet too tired to do anything at home.

Vintage Kid's Comic: Tim & Tom Thumb

From a 1953 issue of Mine, a Catholic children's magazine, comes this children's four-panel comic of two little people.

I'm not certain which is Tom, which is Tim; but one's thing's for certain -- one of these Christian fairies is secure enough in his masculinity to wear pink.

How Much Is That Bunny In The Refrigerator?

Yes, Virginia, that's really a bunny-rabbit in a refrigerator. No, it's not a curb-side fridge.

"Why is he in there?!" you ask? Why are you asking me -- do you think I put him in there? Well, if you must know (and who the hell doesn't?) the article reads:

Contented Bunny Demonstrates How Air-Conditioning Works In Modern Ice Refrigerator

A black and white bunny with big gentle eyes and a contented expression attracted more attention at the recent Chicago furniture show than did all the modern sofas and transparent plastic tables shown for the first time.

Sheesh, what bunny wouldn't be more interesting than sofas and plastic tables? Oh, but you see, this is 1943. Apparently plastic tables, transparent or no, are all the rage. But they still can't out-do a bunny in a fridge, you say?

Hey, wait... It's 1943, there's a war on... Is that bunny for eating?

The bunny, prominently featured as "the Contented Rabbit," inhabited the food compartment of a new Coolerator ICE Refrigerator and looked out at the passing throng from a window in its door.

Why shut an innocent live rabbit in in a refrigerator? Because the Contented Rabbit demonstrated to the public in this dramatic manner that there is a constantly-changing flow of pure, fresh, properly-conditioned air within the food compartment of an Ice Refrigerator. If this were not so, the rabbit could not live in the tightly closed food compartment. He would suffocate for lack of air.

Click the scan to read the rest.


From Modern Woman Magazine, "a magazine published by the ice industry", George M. Wessells, Publisher, Volume 12, Number 2, copyright, 1943.

The Vintage Modern Woman: Celeb Baby Edition

Today my column at Collectors' Quest is on vintage women's publications, and so, surrounded by stacks of vintage magazines proclaiming to solve the problems of modern women, I've become obsessed... I can't bury them all again. I won't bury them all again. And so I bring you Modern Woman Mondays.


Today's bit is from Modern Woman Magazine, "a magazine published by the ice industry", George M. Wessells, Publisher. This specific issue is Volume 16, Number 1, copyright, 1947; Carolyn Hunter, Editor, and J. Russell Calvert, Associate.

We turn your attention to pages 10 - 11, Star Babies, by Modena Kyle:

Once upon a time -- not too many years ago -- it was not considered good publicity for a motion picture star to be called mother or dad. If a glamour gal or guy delighted in the patter of little feet around the home, it was never noised abroad.

But parenthood is nowadays deemed an asset to a star's box office appeal -- which is one indication that the general public has achieved healthier moral values.

Most of the famous men and women in Hollywood are as eager for children, when they marry, as any other normal people. In fact, there are few of the leading women stars who do not play the role of mother in real life.

We have gathered pictures of many well-known parents and their children. The faces of these parents are famous, but the look of pride and love is the same as in any other family pictures.

(Left column) Below, the top picture shows baby Teresa and Mother Virginia O'Brien, dead-pan singer who was featured in "The Harvey Girls." The lower picture is Judy Garland and her tiny daughter Liza.

(Right column) In the top picture, Gloria De Haven and John Payne beam over daughter Kathleen. Bottom picture, Richard Quine and his wife Susan Peters get a big smile from their son Timothy, who seems to enjoy his view of happy people.

Photos (click to enlarge!), with descriptions, from the second page:

Allan Ladd, above, who starred in "The Blue Dahlia," gets a hug and kiss from daughter Alana. Her mother is former screen actress Sue Carol.

William Bendix, husky comic, gives baby Stephanie her dinner. Below is Mexican star Ricardo Montalban with his wife and daughter Laura.

Blonde Lana Turner explains the science of hobby-horse riding to her brunette daughter Cheryl. Lana really likes her role as mother.

Above, Judith Ann, daughter of Brian Donlevy, looks very serious about having her picture taken. Below is Patrick Knowles at home with his family.

Van Heflin, above, can play any type of character assigned to him, but none can equal his enjoyment in that of "Dad" to daughter Vana.

Above Jane Wyman's record player fascinates son Michael and daughter Maureen. Below, James Craig tackles the inevitable problem of dry didies.

Update: Just found info on cover models buried on page 14. "Our cover shows lovely Ann Southern with her tiny daughter Patricia Ann -- nicknamed "Tisha" by Ann and husband Robert Sterling."

13 Characters You Slept With 20 Years Ago...

Thirteen Characters Kids Slept With 20 Years Ago Taken from Sears catalogs in 1987 & 1988, these are the characters you slept with, envied your cousin for having, or put your kids to bed with... (In no particular order) #1 Pound Puppy Bedding -- complete with musical pillow. #2 An American Tail Bedding #3 Ghost Busters Sleeping Bag #4 McKids Jammies: Notable for several reasons, such as cape and mask (no, the Ronald McDonald pj set doesn't come with a wig -- that's the kid's own hair), and the fact that these pajamas are part of the debut McKids line (1987). #5 My Little Pony Sleeping Bag #6 Popples Bedding #7 Snoopy Sleeping Bag #8 Retro Boys PJs: Many sets to choose from, presumably because little boys don't want to stop & sleep, so we dress them in costumes so they think they are still playing. Here the models wear Thundercats & Lazer Tag; behind them are Marshal Brave Starr, Superman, Transformers, Silver Hawks, and Masters of the Universe jammies. #9 Retro Girls PJs: Fewer character selections than the boys, girls could be SuperGirl or She-Ra, Princess of Power. #10 Pee-Wee's Playhouse Sleeping Bag (I'm resisting all comments!) #11 Lady LovelyLocks and the Magical Pixietails Bedding. #12 Barbie & The Sensations Sleeping Bag #13 Sesame Street Sleeping Bag OK, so you got more than thirteen, but I cut it as short as I could... I smell a sequel. *wink*

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Iggy The Creature Is A Pajama Bag

"Iggy The Creature with the crazy go-go eyes. He thinks he's a scream with his purple rayon plush body, orange shaggy hair and pink felt nose, hands, feet. Zipper bottom opening. Abt 14" long, 12" high."

And only $5!

Page 157 in a Wards catalog from the 60's.

Big Mike's Service Station

Big Mike toys from an old Wards catalog featuring neato lithographed steel service stations.

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