“Stretch Panties. One Size Fits All. Boingggg!”

I found this retro ad originally printed in The Post-Standard (Syracuse, New York) on February 28, 1986 for a “silly sale” at Flahs B. Forman Co. at A Slip Of A Girl.   Slip says, “I’ve never found such amusing ad copy — it’s like the stuff we bloggers say.”

Slip has lovingly re-typed the text (save for the prices) and she’s graciously allowed me to repost her work here. As she noted, those of us of a certain age will undoubtedly enjoy the references of the times, such as OPEC, Christie Brinkley’s marriage and divorce from Billy Joel, Oxford shirts, etc.

At the Shoppingtown location:

1 Tulla booth necklace. Green necks are in.

3 Tulla Booth necklaces. Multiplying like Gremlins.

Matching bracelet. What gall!

15 Prs. fashion earrings. Ear drear.

2 “Fur” boas. A “fur piece” from Wild Kingdom

1 Anne Klein hobo. A real bummer.

12 Prs. sunglasses. Eye spy glare ware.

56 Prs. Dearfoam slippers. Foam ain’t dear at these prices!

28 Pr. brand name pantyhose. Tuck the 3rd leg into the waistband.

8 Gold lame & velvet dresses. Slinky stinkies.

16 Dresses. A-sordid.

15 Jr. shirts. Plaid. Bad.

5 Jr. sweaters with bows. Clara, Ox & Tie

15 Misses’ Oxford buttondown shirts. Borrrrring.

10 Misses’ corduroy walk shorts. Spare ribs.

50 Pcs. Christie Brinkley related sports separates. No Billy Joel at this price!

25 Misses’ cashmere sweaters. “Deloux.” That’s NOT deluxe.

5 J.G. Hook cotton turtles. The old shell game.

12 Misses’ swimsuits. Embarrass yourself at Myrtle Beach.

42 Misses’ active separates. Bay Club. Blackballed.

25 Prs. Jr. Gasoline jeans. Unleaded, unthreaded.

5 Jr. jackets. Little horrors.

6 Misses’ Forecaster nylon coats. For storms. Or a good dogfight.

60 Flannel gowns. Influenza specials.

4 Misses’ Dior robes. Tres shock.

6 Evelyn Pearson corduroy robes. Wale-ing in the night.

165 One-size stretch panties. Call Ringling Bros.. then bet.

12 Tap pant/camisole sets. Chorus Line rejects.

36 Warner bras. Assorted styles, colors, even tattletale grey.

28 Ralph Montenero teddies. Who is Ralph Montenero and why is he so mean?

18 Men’s suits. Law, palimony, zoot — you choose.

15 Men’s jackets. Winter … of our discontent.

8 Men’s sportcoats. Last seen on Atlantic City bus.

23 Men’s sweaters. Lambswool. Mutton Jeff specials.

50 Men’s plaid shirts. Why Scotland wants the bomb.

75 Fitted dress shirts. Never remove your jacket.

45 Wool knit ties. Take a moth to lunch.

20 Card cases. For business. There’s no business.

At Fairmount:

23 Prs. earrings. Fashion trashin!

10 Fashion necklaces. From glitz to pits.

1 Directives necklace. Our directive: get it out of here!

1 Directives bracelet. Hand me down.

4 Shawls. Give ’em the cold shoulder.

18 Misses’ blue belts. Patent. Pending.

104 Pr. Brand name pantyhose. Panty whose?

12 Sundresses. Pray for rain.

15 Jr. solid Oxford shirts. Doesn’t Cambridge want equal time?

5 Jr. bow sweaters. Thrown us for a loop!

15 Oxford shirts for buttondown Misses.

12 Misses’ poplin split skirts. Schizophrenic chic.

15 Misses’ blazers. Guess how many have sleeves?

15 Misses’ cashmere sweaters. “Deloux”. “From the loo?”

30 Christie Brinkley separates. Irreconcilable differences.

12 Pr. Jr. Gasoline jeans. Blame ’em on OPEC.

10 Misses’s swimsuits. No wonder nudist camps are thriving.

9 Fake fur coats. PiNK! Bogus Clouseau?

9 Oddball jackets for Jrs. to match.

40 Flannel gowns. Mustard plasters extra.

4 Dior warm gowns. Honest…that’s the best we can say about them!

106 Stretch panties. One size fits all. Boingggg!

32 Christmas print panties. So, who’ll know?

38 Warner Bras. Let’s get this off our chest.

10 Men’s wool sweaters. For this, a sheep shivers?

26 Men’s suedecloth shirts. Just like a car chamois.

45 Wool ties. Handknit by Brownie Troop #104.

20 Business card cases. Brasslike. Crasslike.

26 Men’s plaid caps. Pray that you’re #27.

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