1) You spend all day visiting dozens of rummage sales, 4 thrift shops, and 2 pawn shops just to find your object of desire -- in this case, a turntable that plays 78's.

You finally find 'the perfect one' -- even if the cord is so damaged you can't even plug it in to see if it works, it's perfect.

But you can't afford it.

2) You tell your husband that you're perfectly fine skipping the water bill payment... and laugh nervously, hoping it sounds like you were only joking, but know that he knows better.

3) So you call your mother in law to let her know about this fabulous idea for your birthday... three weeks away from now. But you chicken out and don't leave a message, so you make your husband call back later -- like a teenage girl, you need help in your stalking.

Once your hubby makes contact, you get him to suggest they all go look at it the next day.

4) You spend a sleepless night, convinced someone either bought it in the 15 minutes before the thrift store closed -- or will snap it up the next morning before you get there.

5) While waiting for your in laws to arrive you stand with one hand on the item at all times and display other signs of body language to keep others away. (The human version of peeing on it to mark the item as yours.) You are aware that you growl the word "yes" to the two men who ask if your buying that. (You tell yourself that at least you didn't snap at them literally.)

6) Once they buy you your gift (Hooray!), but before you even have it home, you realize that you can't invite every one over to see it. So you must write an article on it's discovery. You begin taking pictures immediately, right there on the thrift shop sales floor.

7) Because the only hope of additional information (maker, model number) is on the backside and underside of the piece you move the record rack and clear a path to move the piece away from the wall, then back again -- 4 times in total.

This involves...

8) Spending a total of 28 minutes on your stomach peering into the dim insides to find information on the make and model.

9) Nearly crying because while you've known you have no working flashlights for over a year, you never did anything about it. You weren't this upset when the power went out. You write down, "get flashlight and batteries" on the shopping list (underlined and with three exclamation points).

10) Next you try rubbing pencil to get a tracing of the model number. It doesn't work.

11) You consider a candle to see by, but visions of old wires bursting into flame and damaging the piece put you off the idea. (Setting off the smoke detectors & waking the other family members isn't considered until you write this list.)

12) You spend three hours researching on the web for information which either doesn't exist, or you won't be able to find until you can manage to read the model number.

13) Write a list about all you are willing to do and share it with the world via the Internet -- because you are not ashamed of your obsession, but proud of it.

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