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A cursory search of my Hallmark planner reveals holidays and semi-holidays that either I don't care about or I never even heard of. I'm sure that some of these special occasions where created by the Hallmark people themselves. For example, Grandparent's Day. When did that get put in? Didn't have a grandparent's day when I was a kid. It's a blatant spin-off of Mother's Day. As is Father's Day. We all know how vital are parents and grandparents are. Is it necessary to single out one day of the year to celebrate the people we already love everyday? I can see having Mother's Day. That makes the most sense. She's the one and the only one that shared her body to give us life. That has an aura of divinity about it. A day to honor motherhood, yes sir. Place it in May, when the tender lilacs bloom, buy her a trinket of affection and at least make a half ass effort to do her chores. Fathers don't need a whole day. A couple of hours is plenty. A man's idea of a great family day is when everybody leaves him alone. That's my wish. Don't hit on me for a day and I'm happy. And keep the cards, somebody already wrote in them anyway. And nobody in real life uses the sentiments expressed in these store bought cards. Jeez. A Wal-Mart card might sound something like this:
A man to admire If I could, I would Build a statue To my daddy dear But that's not what people really think. That's just the accepted protocol. Now a real card would probably sound more like this:
When you you leave for work To make the money I need To satisfy my greed. The house grows quiet and that Smell disappears, thank you Dad, for not being here. Perhaps that is a little blunt.But these made for TV holidays force us into contorted emotional positions. Than there are the frivolous semi-holidays. A lot of them start with 'National (blank) Day. National Teachers Day, National Friendship Day or National Maritime Day. Every special interest gets a day a also. Gay Pride, Earth Day, Smoke Out, Cancer Awareness and Arbor Day.Well apparently we have a lot to celebrate. And each person can pick and choose that day that is near and dear to their heart. Which leads me to a special day that I would like to see honored. Can you imagine that we have all these other occasions to appreciate the important things in our lives yet not one day set alone to honor the venerable dog? Disgraceful! Dogs are the best people I know. Dogs have eyebrows and emote with facial expressions. A dog will take a bullet for us. Dogs protect us and amuse us. Yet there is no National Dog Day. Please don't jump in and ask what about a cat day. First of all cats don't do days. They sleep the entire day away, sucking in valuable oxygen, then come alive at night. Like Gremlins. What are they, shift workers? If you want to make a cat day, knock yourself out. And I don't want Dog Day to be placed in the political correctness grist mill and re-emerge as Pet Day. I don't give a crap about your iguana, ferret, snake parrot, etc. There are 365 days in a year. Get your own damn day. Dog Day stands alone. Now the question is what day should it be. The most logical placement would be in the dog days of August. Late summer on the lake, sultry, quiet. What better time to pamper, play with and parade your pooch? None that I can think of. A good randomly selected day could be August 17th. OMG, that's my birthday, how weird is that? I can't wait to put a party hat on my Welch Corgi and kiss him on his thin black lips.
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