HUNTING FOR THE KITCHY SINK

As an ebay and mall seller, wifey has to make several sorties into uncharted territories to find the types of treasures her customers are looking for. After many years and still no specialty niche, we are free to hunt for the most unusual or outrageous items.

Sure some things she sells are useful, decorative or collectable, but the goal is to find rare items that are in superior condition and would have special meaning to a select group of collectors.

Who else would offer such “Treasures” as a school drinking fountain, metal steps from a playground slide, defunct restaurant menus, industrial advertising signs, just the hand set from a 1950’s telephone, along with an assortment of the kitschiest 1940’s men’s neck ties on the planet.

This latest hunting trip took us to or through six states, Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia and Florida. The treasures filled the old truck and we still need to unpack it, but I can assure you, no item we found would ever be considered common or ordinary.

And how do you find such items? Well look into any selling venue and after a goodly amount of time, you develop an eye for the one or two items that just don’t fit into the usual mix of collectable offerings, and in so many cases these kitschy items are under-priced because no reference book or like item could be found to guide the seller.

What is the ugliest tie or gaudiest necklace worth? What price would you attach to one blue left shoe, or a pink purse the size of a shopping bag? How about an ashtray with a one-digit phone number form a doctors office in West Fargo, and purchased in Southport, Indiana.

So you see, while claiming to be a seller, my wife is really a buyer, and selling is only a way to feed this addiction. Not one to complain or try to restrain her habit, I accompany her just to be sure her compulsion is controllable. I, of course am not afflicted with any of these compulsions. I only purchase profitable items everyone on this and all parallel planets need and want.

But I digress from my original reason for this discourse, and that was to explain why I am and will always be a Wisconsin resident. Let’s review our journey from this truly wonderful state as we drove south, and just over the state line we encounter our first trial and tribulation, toll booths and parking lots called highways. The roads are so jam packed in Chicago; they are almost as bad as Atlanta. Our first hour and a half of driving time took an extra hour to complete and cost enough in tolls to feed a family of four for a week

Once we finally arrived in Indiana, we had smooth sailing through the eternal construction site called I-90, I-80. Originally started as an Indian trail for the Oneida Nation, seeking a quick route from their Green Bay summer encampment to visit relative tribes in the Carolina’s during the harsh winters of the years 1240 to 1263, and continuously under construction ever since.

We managed to travel down through the wonderfully flat areas of Indiana without further incident. And had good hunting in several of our favorite haunts in the southern part of that state.

Our next stops were in the Louisville area, again with good luck, but after that our course was less charted and we ran into several “Malls” purported to be antique, but in truth junk shops with little of anything older then 1980, and some that were filled with collectable items from Beanies to Bradfords, and every pattern of everyday dishware made after the first Bush war.

Tennessee and Kentucky are wonderful states to drive through, but the shops must be scarce on merchandise. Many were filled with reproductions even I could spot without picking up the item.

If these shops had an older item, it was price for insurance purposes at twice the retail value. You just want to shout at these mall operators, “Have your dealers looked at Ebay for pricing, before embarrassing themselves.”

Georgia presents the problem of Atlanta traffic, and it’s not the city itself. We breezed through on I-75, but it took an hour to drive the twenty miles south on I-75 till the 475 split. How do people put up with a daily commute?

In southern Georgia, you have the language barrier, (we always hire an interpreter) at any gas station or food establishment. One shop along our route was especially large, filled with nothing older than my shoes, but friendly, I have never been called “sweetie” so many times in a one half hour period in my entire life.

On stretches of rural road, we were enlightened with talk show hosts, preachers and sports reports all with a political slant, or the new genre on the music scene, Religious Country Rap. Maybe you have heard this example: Your wife runs away with a preacher’s wife, but your dog is waiting for you at heaven’s gate in your pickup truck with a number “4” painted on the side.

Ah, Florida, warm and sunny, with traffic so heavy one has to ride the gulf coast road to get away from it all. The locals all complain about the heat, and the tourists. But Florida has some interesting antique shops and we enjoyed finding some good deals, but waded through countless counters of costume jewelry without signatures, and more china sets than Macys.

One store that was highly recommended in St. Pete turned out to contain a furniture museum with price tags. Another was so cluttered, the owner handed out maps with foot prints drawn on to indicate were to put your feet as you walked through at your own risk.

We did find great deals at shops in Tarpon Springs, a town with the distinction of having more sponges than Washington D.C.

Some other observations.

1. Pennsylvania must not have a single antique left in the entire State. I saw so many places in the South claiming to be filled with their items.

2. Antique photographs from the areas we drove were of poor photographic quality and mostly in poor condition. In one shop where I had finished my shopping, but Wifey was still browsing, I looked at a stack of cabinet photo cards at the check-out counter when I spotted a striking example, clean, high contrast and good use of lighting on a turn of the century cabinet photo, and there at the bottom was the studio name and address, Watertown Wisconsin. DUH.

3. When you are far from major cities, don’t expect to find items from Gimbel Brothers, Macys, or Saks sold in the 1920’s unless the price tag is twice as high as you would find in an expensive shop in Chicago.

4. If you want newer Coke collectables stop anywhere in Georgia.

5. If an item is cast iron, it’s not old or you’re very good at spotting vintage items.

6. No one really collects Roseville, all their production over the years now is in antique shops.

7. If a mall has Beanie Babies in the first row of booths, Leave!

8. If you have no idea how much an item is worth, put a price tag of $65.00 on it, If it sells you were too low, but most likely you just started a museum, and your descendent will leave that price on it knowing you knew what you were doing.

9. Never lower a price on an item, even after time has all but faded the ink on the tag.

10. Have a 40% off sale but exclude $65.00 items you have priced “Firm”

11. Never mark an item “as is’ or “as found” I enjoy spending all that time getting introduced to your mistakes.

On the trip back, we chose to return on I-65, and were pleasantly surprised to find some locations with interesting items. These locations will deserve a future visit.

And finally, when we again crossed the state line into our own little heaven, we kiss the welcome sign, turn on NPR radio or a jazz station, and contently continue on home.

If you have had good hunting experiences, please share them with all of us in your response. We’d love to learn about more!

The Dean.
noegretsantiques@sbcglobal.net

Article by NoEgrets

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