I have a very classy friend named Nancy. She dresses quite elegantly, wears clothes with names and jewelry with carats. She has a fantastic house - absolutely beautiful. She does nothing that is considered to be tacky.

About 15 years ago, she gave me a pair of plastic, pink flamingos for our yard. She did it as a joke for my birthday because she thought they were funny and not appropriate for her neighborhood. We laughed about it and we even kept them up for a few weeks. Her birthday was not too far off and we gave her four of them!

The games continued. One day I opened my mail and found a "puffy letter." This was way before the thought of anthrax or other horrific envelope contents. I ripped it open and found about 8 pink feathers that fluttered to the table. Pink flamingo feathers we were sure. Another time she had her assistant call me and pretend to be from the Save the Flamingo Endangered Species Association. HA HA. Not to be outdone, I have sent her socks with flamingos on them, numerous pairs of less-than-elegant earrings with flamingos (none of which I've seen her wear in public), a T-shirt with flamingos, etc. We have exchanged other lawn ornaments as well. In fact, one year she gave me "anatomically correct" flamingos - the neighbors really love those!

We had an Anniversary Party last summer and I awoke to find 100 pink flamingos in my front lawn! I called her up to confront her and found, to my shock, that another friend had done it - wanting to blame her!

For my last birthday, she bestowed upon me a neon flamingo lamp - reminded me of the leg-lamp in the Christmas Story. My husband put it in our dining room window - what class!

But payback is hell! (My daughter said I could swear in these stories, so there.) We went to a wonderful dinner with them this weekend, in celebration of her birthday. A very up-scale restaurant with a lovely piano bar and singer, first-rate food and service. And there I gifted her a large ceramic flamingo with an "open back end." She was touched, thrilled, and the waiter thought it was so cool too. They promptly placed the wine bottle into the back and thought it was the niftiest carafe holder they'd seen. She even carried it up to the bar and showed her treasure to the bartender. She oohed and ahhed too. And then I let her have the news. It was NOT a wine bottle holder, but a toilet bowl brush holder! Yikes, she quickly took it off the bar. She gave me a look that said "we're not done with this yet."

I suggested that this be the end - that we stop the madness and forget the flamingos! She agreed with a sweet smile. I am sure she meant it, aren't you?