The first collector was a man by the name of Gunk. He was a Homo Erectus (shut up) human. In between hunting jobs he would walk the beach in search of pretty rocks. Gunk loved to see the rocks glimmer in the sun and just couldn't help but bring some home. He found delight in his finds and prized them greatly. Now, his wife Cunk, a real bitch by all reports was not so taken by her husbands hobby. What a waste of time she said, other men bring home fruits and bugs to eat. Can we eat your silly rocks Gunk, she asked. I should have listened to my mother and married Lunk instead, he has his own scat farm and is doing well. Poor Gunk, he means well, but he knows that his wife is right. He will try to endeavor to do better. The very next day Gunk set out to find a lamb for his wife, her favorite.

C'mon Punk he said to his dog, let's bag some meat. All day they searched for a succulent lamb. They went to all the lamb hang outs, BaaBaa Bluff, the Wool Club and even to The Mutton Chop, a notorious lamb biker den. Nothing. Oh scat said Gunk, a reference that wasn't lost on Punt, I am a failure. I'm a silly rock collector and nothing more. Just than there was a rustling in the bushes. If it moves it must be meat he remembered his father saying. He took up his lance and thrust with all his might. A pheasant took to the sky and Gunk's heart dropped. Another failure. He swore the worse swear he knew. DeBeers he said, damn, damn, deBeers. Punk lowered his eyes as Gunk retrieved his lance. But Punk quickly perked up his ears as Gunk squealed with delight. The lance had unearthed the most beautiful rock he had ever seen. Crystal clear and shinning like the sun. This was by far the most beautiful rock he had ever seen. So happy was Gunk that he forgot about the hunt and raced home to show Cunk. She took one bite and broke one of the two remaining teeth she had remaining. That's it Gunk! I'm sick of you and your silly rocks, I'm leaving and living with Lunk.

Gunk was broken hearted and frankly very hungry. Just then when all seemed lost along came his beautiful neighbor, Bling-Bling. She was recently widowed when her husband died tragically in a mastodon hunt that went awry. They greeted each other. She noticed the beautiful rock and told Gunk that such a rock would make a stunning adornment on her stunning self. She would trade food for his rock. Ta-da! Soon all the ladies wanted a sun rock. Gunk and Punk went into business finding and shinning sun rocks. We need a name for our business said Gunk. Punk thought and said(dogs could talk then) the very first thing you said when we found the the first rock was deBeers. Let's use that. And so it began, the diamond industry. Oh yeah, Cunk. The scat market crashed and Lunk was broke. She could be heard admonishing her new husband, I'm hungry and all you have is scat...we can't eat scat. But these words where lost on Lunk as he downed his third scat sandwich. The moral of the story is that you can't eat diamonds but you can always eat shit.