The arctic cold has hit us in the northern plains, which is exactly the time that a person goes to look for gloves, but only finds glove. Don’t toss out that solo glove (or just throw it back in the closet like we do) – get your scissors, some thread, and a needle, and turn your sad, lonely glove into a happy, fuzzy squrrel!
Full instructions are found here, via Etsy, and the original instructions come from the adorable book Happy Gloves: Charmingly Soft Friends Made From Gloves, by Miyako Kanamori.
I found this in the Bismarck Semi-Weekly Tribune from May of 1877. In the olden days, newspapers didn’t distinguish much between joke articles and true news, relying on context to tell whether or not something is real. I’m pretty sure, based on the florid prose employed to describe the troubles with auction-going, this was a humorous fiction piece. However, there’s something rather true about it all, so maybe it hasn’t happened in reality, but I’m pretty sure this has happened in spirit more than once. Full story inside…
Continue reading Auction Troubles
OK, so you’ve taken Movember by the short hairs and now you think you’ve got a fancy-pants manly mustache to show for it. There’s only one way to manly it up even further: get yourself one of Nick Offerman’s mustache combs, salvaged from the finest felled trees in California and shaped by the guy who plays Ron Swanson. Your mustache will look like Tom Selleck himself placed a curse on everyone else’s mustaches.
I know, it’s Movember and you’re trying to grow it out, but just hold on to this business card; after your mom sees that anemic caterpillar on your lip at Thanksgiving, you’ll be wanting to have it gone by Christmas. Big Daddy’s Barber Shop has everything worked out for you:
I know, you’re setting up the rummage sale, and the kids aren’t much help carrying boxes or setting up tables. So, what do you do? Let them make signs, of course! Just make sure they’re old enough to really know what they’re writing:
I suppose that goes for hungover spouses, too, but then you’ve got an entirely different problem. Oh, no, this isn’t a one time error – it’s more common than you think:
That’s not all…
Makes you wonder how correct that address is, huh?
Even sadder? The back says “YALE SALE”.
Aw, I hate going to rummage sales on Sad day.
Whether your car is attending a fancy event, or trying to go incognito while infiltrating a foreign spy ring, you need to get yourself a Carstache. Hooked on to your grill, any vehicle can be made more stylish, and they come in a variety of haircolors depending on your vehicle’s temperment.
Make sure you clean it a lot: remember how icky your grille gets due to insects who can’t be troubled to get out of the road? Leave it too long without a good Stanley Steemer going-over, and it’ll look like the doormat of the Batcave. We sure want one – don’t forget how much we love moustaches!
Don’t worry, people: they’re not real teeth. Who’d snuggle with a toy that had real human teeth in it? Insanity. No, these are fake teeth, which makes them all the more lovable. Just look at that face: don’t you just want to cuddle with it all night long, tucked in soundly next to your sleeping body, watching over you all through the darkness of night?
According to this forum post, Mrs McGettrick saw somebody selling a bag of fake teeth on eBay, and wondered who’d buy such a thing. Nobody can explain how she became the highest bidder. Of course, the next logical step is to install them into Ugly-Doll-looking things, and then call them Fugglers.
Charlton Heston would have you think that a future world ruled by monkeys would be medieval and brutal in nature, in which chimpanzees and gorillas and orangutans are castes in a worldwide religion based on the first monkey to rise up and destroy all humans. Fortunately for lovers of the truth, I’m just back from the future, and I bring you this political poster, pulled straight off the wall at an army recruiting center:
If monkeys rise up and overwhelm humanity, this is what the Planet of the Apes will really look like – because people forget that monkeys are totally crazy. (actual poster by this guy)
On March 30th 2010, Adam Harvey went on a quest. It had been a rainy day, so he went out harvesting. When he got home he had a bag of at least 40 broken, lost, and abandoned umbrella handles. Poor, poor umbrellas.
Everyone knows that a mustache is a stylish addition to your eveningwear – but what if you don’t have enough time to grow one before your black-tie event? Strap one on your shirt, and dance the night away in style:
Via, but don’t forget how much we love mustaches around here.